Australian Affairs: Wed. Barbara Hannay

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СКАЧАТЬ them for our very first Christmas.’

      To Ellie’s dismay, her eyes pricked with the threat of tears. Joe shouldn’t be remembering those long ago times when they were still happy and hopeful and so blissfully in love.

      ‘I’d rather not rehash old memories, Joe. I don’t think it’s helpful.’

      She saw a flash of emotion in his eyes. Pain? Her comment hadn’t hurt him, surely? Not Joe. He had no regrets. Not about them. He’d gone off to war without a backward glance.

      And yet he definitely looked upset.

      Ellie wondered if she should elaborate. Try to explain her caution.

      But what could she explain? That she hadn’t meant to hurt him? That, deep down, she still cared about him? That the memories were painful because she cared?

      How could those sorts of revelations help them now? They couldn’t go back.

      Confused, Ellie felt more uptight than ever. She spun away from Joe and began to gather up the empty boxes and tissue paper that had housed the decorations, working with jerky, angry movements.

      To her annoyance, Joe simply stayed where he was by the tree, watching her with a thoughtful, searching gaze.

      ‘You could always help to clean up this mess,’ she said tightly.

      ‘Yes, ma’am.’ He moved without haste, picking up the shopping bags that had housed the paper chains. Crossing the room, he dropped them into one of the cartons and, when he looked at her again, his eyes were as hard and cool as ice. ‘You can’t let up, can you, Ellie?’

      ‘What do you mean?’

      ‘You’re determined to make this hard for both of us.’

      ‘I’m not trying to make it hard,’ she snapped defensively. ‘It is hard.’

      ‘Yeah? Well, you’re not the only one finding it hard. And it doesn’t help when you make it so damn obvious that you can’t stand the sight of me.’

      Ellie smarted. ‘How can you say that?’

      ‘How?’ Joe looked at her strangely, as if he thought she’d lost her marbles. ‘Because it’s the truth. It’s why I left four years ago.’

      No! The protest burst on her lips, but she was aware that Jacko had stopped playing. He was standing very still, clutching his teddy bear, watching them, his little eyes round with worry.

      They were fighting in front of him, which was terrible—the very last thing she wanted.

      ‘If we’re going to survive this Christmas,’ Joe said tightly, ‘you’re going to have to try harder.’

      Ellie felt her teeth clench. ‘I know how to behave. I don’t need a lecture.’

      ‘Well, you certainly need something. You need to calm down. And you need to think about Jacko.’

      ‘Are you serious?’

      ‘This atmosphere can’t be good for him.’

      How dare you? Of course she was thinking about Jacko.

      Ellie was stung to the core. Who did Joe think he was, telling her off about her parenting? Was he suggesting she was insensitive to Jacko’s needs? Joe, who hardly knew the boy?

      She was Jacko’s mother. She knew everything about her son—his favourite food, his favourite toy and favourite picture books. She knew Jacko’s fears, the times he liked to sleep, the way he liked to be cuddled.

      She’d been through his pregnancy on her own, and she’d given birth to him alone. She’d raised Jacko from day one, nursing him through colic and croup and teething. Later, chickenpox. Jacko’s first smile had been for Ellie alone. She’d watched him learn to roll over, to sit up and to crawl, to stand, to walk.

      Around the clock, she’d cared for him, admittedly with Nina’s help, but primarily on her own.

      She and Jacko were incredibly close. Their bond was special. Incredibly special.

      How dare Joe arrive here out of the blue and start questioning her mothering skills?

      Without warning, her eyes filled with tears. Tears of hurt and anger. Scared she might start yelling and say things she’d regret, she turned and fled from the room.

      * * *

      Damn. What a stuff-up.

      As Ellie hurried away, Jacko stared up at Joe with big, sad blue eyes. ‘Mummy crying.’

      Joe swallowed the boulder that jammed his throat. Why the hell had he started a verbal attack on Ellie? This was so not the way he’d wanted to behave.

      How do I tell my two-year-old son that I’m the reason his mother’s crying?

      Anxiety and regret warred in Joe’s gut as he crossed the room to the boy and squatted so they were at eye level. ‘Listen, little mate. I’m going to go and talk to your mum. To...ah...cheer her up.’

      Joe had to try at least. It took two to fight. Two to make peace. He had to pull in his horns, had to make an effort to see this situation from Ellie’s point of view.

      ‘I need you to be a good boy and stay here with Ted.’ Joe dredged up a grin as he tickled Jacko’s tummy.

      Obligingly, Jacko giggled.

      The kid was so cute. Already Joe knew it was going to be hard to say goodbye.

      ‘How about we hide your bear behind the curtain over there?’ he suggested, pointing to the floor-length curtains hanging either end of the deep sash windows that opened onto the veranda. He showed Jacko how to hide the bear behind them, just as they had with the cushions, and the little boy was thrilled.

      ‘Ted!’ he squealed, astonished by the big discovery when they lifted the curtain. ‘Do it again, Joe!’ At least he was all smiles again.

      ‘You have a go at hiding him,’ said Joe.

      Jacko tried, frowning carefully as he placed the bear behind the curtain. Once again, he lifted the fabric and saw the bear, and he was as excited as a scientist discovering the Higgs boson particle.

      ‘OK, you can play with him here,’ Joe said. ‘And I’ll be back in a tick.’

      ‘OK.’

      Reassured that Jacko would be happy for a few minutes at least, Joe went in search of Ellie.

       CHAPTER SIX

      ELLIE STOOD AT one end of the long front veranda, elbows resting on the railings, staring out at the waterlogged paddocks. The rain had actually stopped for now, but the sky was still heavy with thick, grey clouds, so no doubt the downpour would start again soon.

      She wasn’t СКАЧАТЬ