Single Dads Collection. Lynne Marshall

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       CHAPTER NINE

      ‘HERE—my house keys. Get Dan to take the cot over later. I meant to do it when I got back from my walk, but I got a little sidetracked.’

      His mouth twisted into a sad, fleeting smile, and he drew her back into his arms, his voice muffled by her hair. ‘I’m sorry. I hate dumping her on you. I know it isn’t fair, but it won’t happen again. I’ve been thinking about what you said, and I’ve decided you’re right. I’ll sort all the details out when I get back, but I’m going to put her up for adoption.’

      She lifted her head, unable to stifle a little cry, and took in the bleak, empty look in his eyes. ‘Oh, Harry,’ she said, but there was nothing she could add. There was nothing to say and, anyway, her throat wouldn’t work properly, so she just lifted her hands and cradled his face and kissed him.

      ‘Take care,’ she pleaded.

      He nodded. ‘I’ll see you soon.’

      He kissed her again, urgently, hungrily, and then broke the kiss abruptly, turned on his heel and strode to his car, driving off without a backward glance. She lifted her hand to her lips, her fingers replacing his lips, holding in the anguish.

      ‘Oh, dear God, take care of him,’ she whispered, and picking up Kizzy in her little carrier, she went round the side of her house and in through the kitchen door.

      Dan was sitting there, Freddie in his high chair having juice and toast, Beth kneeling on a chair arranging her toast soldiers into neat rows and talking to them, and as she walked in with Kizzy Dan took one look at her, stood up and ushered her straight into the hall.

      ‘He’s gone,’ she said tonelessly. ‘His boss rang last night. There’s been an earthquake somewhere.’

      ‘Indonesia. I know. It was on the news. I wondered if they’d call him in.’

      She nodded. ‘He was there earlier this year, and they want him there again. He knows it well, apparently. It makes sense, but…’

      Dan searched her face, then dragged her into his arms and hugged her. ‘So what about Kizzy? Are you looking after her until he’s back?’

      ‘Yes, but…’ She felt the sob beginning to rise and swallowed it down. ‘He said I was right. He’s going to put her up for adoption. Oh, Dan, what on earth have I done?’

      She looked up at him, expecting condemnation, but this was Dan. He just shrugged. ‘Helped him organise his priorities?’

      ‘And Kizzy? What about Kizzy?’ She swallowed again and stared down at the sleeping baby in her carrier, then answered her own question. ‘I guess she’ll end up somewhere with a couple who are desperate for a baby. And they’ll love her to bits—’

      She broke off, and Dan sighed and rubbed her arms comfortingly. ‘She’ll be fine, Em.’

      ‘But she might not be. What if they split up? What if she ends up in the middle of a divorce?’

      ‘She’ll be brought up by a single parent. It hasn’t done Beth and Freddie any harm.’

      She frowned. ‘But—what if she doesn’t have the infrastructure I’ve got? The family and friends, giving support?’

      He gave a bemused laugh and shook his head. ‘You’re making a hell of a lot of assumptions here. They might be fantastic parents.’

      But she wouldn’t see her again. Ever.

      She shook her head and turned away. ‘I’m going to put her down in the study and get some breakfast. Thank you for looking after the kids.’

      ‘Any time. But next time you might let me know you’re going.’

      ‘There won’t be a next time,’ she said firmly, and went into the study, put the baby down and then caught sight of the television through the sitting-room doorway. They were showing scenes of the earthquake, and she sat down, hands knotted together, and watched it.

      It was dreadful. Scene after scene of devastation. She felt gutted for them, but more than ever afraid for Harry. What if there was another one? There often was.

      She was aware of Dan coming up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder, watching it with her. ‘I’ve made you fresh tea,’ he said.

      ‘Thanks.’

      ‘Come on, he’s not there yet. He won’t be there for hours.’

      He was right. He’d said it was a twelve-hour flight, and then he had to get in and out of the airports. It would be tomorrow morning before he appeared on TV. She turned off the television, went through to the kitchen and gave the kids a hug. Freddie gave her one of his special sticky kisses, and Beth snuggled up beside her while she ate her breakfast, mechanically spooning in the cereal without even tasting it.

      And he hadn’t even left the country yet!