A Forever Family: Their Christmas Delivery. Kate Hardy

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СКАЧАТЬ then an expression of pure misery crossed her face and she stepped back out of his embrace. ‘I do like you,’ she admitted, ‘but we can’t do this.’

      ‘Because of the baby?’

      She took a deep breath. ‘No, not because of her.’

      ‘Then why?’ Josh asked, not understanding.

      ‘I need to tell you something about myself.’ She finished making the mugs of tea, and handed one to him. ‘Let’s go and sit down.’

      ‘This sounds serious.’

      ‘It is,’ she said grimly, ‘and there isn’t an easy way to say it, so I’m not going to sugar-coat it.’

      He followed her into the living room. She sat down at one end of the sofa; he sat next to her, wondering just what kind of bombshell she was about to drop. Was she still married to her ex? No, she couldn’t be—hadn’t she said something about him getting married to someone else and expecting a baby now? So what kind of thing would hold her back from starting a new relationship?

      He could see her eyes fill with tears. Whatever it was, it was something really serious. Something that hurt her. And he ached for her.

      Finally, she said, her voice sounding broken, ‘I can’t have children.’

      Josh wanted to reach out and take her hand and tell her that it didn’t change the way he felt, but he could see the ‘hands off’ signals written all over her. And as a doctor he knew the value of silence. If he let her talk, tell him exactly what was holding her back, then he might have more of a chance of being able to counter her arguments.

      ‘That’s why Michael—my ex—broke off our engagement and left,’ she continued.

      Josh was horrified. It must’ve been hard enough for Amy, finding out that she couldn’t have children, but then for the man who was supposed to love her and want to marry her to walk out on her over the issue... That shocked him to the core. How could Michael have been so selfish? Why hadn’t he put Amy first? And how it must’ve hurt her when she’d learned that his new wife was expecting a baby.

      ‘We’d been trying for a baby for a year or so without success, so we went for investigations to find out why we couldn’t conceive.’ She looked away. ‘I knew that the guy I’d dated before Michael had cheated on me. I found it had been more than once and with more than one other woman, and that’s why I left him. I didn’t want to stay with someone who didn’t love me or respect me enough to be faithful. But what I didn’t realise was that he’d given me chlamydia.’

      Josh knew then exactly what had happened to her. ‘You didn’t have any symptoms?’

      She shook her head. ‘And obviously, because I didn’t know I had it, that meant I was still infected when I started seeing Michael and we moved in together. I infected Michael. He didn’t have symptoms, either.’

      Quite a high percentage of people who’d been infected with chlamydia didn’t have symptoms. Not that it would comfort her to know that. ‘Amy, it wasn’t your fault.’

      She shook her head. ‘I should’ve been more careful. Used condoms with Gavin—the one who cheated on me—instead of the Pill.’

      How could she possibly blame herself? ‘Before you found out that he’d cheated on you, you trusted him. How long were you together?’

      ‘Two years.’

      ‘So of course you’d think the Pill was a safe form of contraception. Any woman in your shoes would.’ Josh shook his head, angry on her behalf. ‘Gavin cheated on you, and he was the one who infected you. How could anyone possibly think it was your fault?’

      ‘Because I should’ve got myself checked out. I should’ve realised that, because Gavin had been sleeping around, there could be consequences.’

      ‘But you didn’t have symptoms. Actually, around two thirds of women and about fifty per cent of men don’t have symptoms if they’re infected with chlamydia. And, if you don’t have symptoms, how are you supposed to know there’s a problem? It’s not your fault,’ he said again. ‘I’m probably speaking out of turn, but it was totally unfair of Michael to blame you.’

      ‘It happened. And you can’t change the past, just learn from it.’ She shrugged. ‘So now you know. As a doctor, you’ve probably already guessed what the problem is, but I’ll spell it out for you. The chlamydia gave me pelvic inflammatory disease and the scar tissue blocked my Fallopian tubes, so I can’t have children. If you’re looking to have a family in the future, then I’m not the one for you and we need to call a halt to this right now.’

      And that was really what was holding her back? This time, he did reach over and take her hand. ‘First of all, having children isn’t the be-all and end-all of a relationship. Lots of couples can’t have children or choose not to. It doesn’t make their relationship and how they feel about each other any less valid. And if this thing between us works out the way I hope it might, then if we do decide in the future that we want children then we still have options. Did your specialist not mention IVF?’

      She swallowed. ‘Yes, but Michael didn’t want to do that.’

      Josh wasn’t surprised. And he’d just bet the other man’s reasoning was purely to do with himself, not to do with how tough the IVF process could be for a woman.

      ‘It’s not an easy option and there are no cast-iron guarantees,’ he said, ‘but it’s still an option for tubal infertility. One of the doctors I trained with had severe endometriosis which blocked her Fallopian tubes, and she had a baby through IVF last year.’

      Was that hope he saw flickering in her eyes, just then?

      ‘And if that’s not a route you want to go down—because the treatment cycle is pretty gruelling and it isn’t for everyone—there’s fostering or adoption.’

      She blinked, as if not expecting him to have reacted that way. ‘Michael wasn’t prepared to even consider that.’

      Because Michael was a selfish toad. Not that it was Josh’s place to say so. ‘I’m not Michael,’ he said.

      ‘I know.’ She took a deep breath. ‘But I wanted you to know the situation upfront. So, if it’s a problem for you, you can walk away now and there’s no damage to either of us.’

      Even though they’d only got close to each other over the last couple of days, Josh had the strongest feeling that walking away from her would definitely cause damage to both of them.

      ‘I like you,’ he said again, ‘and I think you might just like me back. And that’s what’s important here. Everything else is just details and we can work them out. Together.’

      She looked at him as if she didn’t quite believe him.

      ‘If you want to work them out, that is,’ he said. ‘Your infertility doesn’t make any difference to the way I feel about you. I still want to start dating you properly. Get to know you.’

      ‘And it’s really that easy?’

      ‘It is for me.’ He paused. ‘Though, since you told me about your ex, I guess you need to know about mine.’

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