A Forever Family: Their Christmas Delivery. Kate Hardy

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СКАЧАТЬ of her wanted to sleep for eternity, she was so tired—which was ridiculous, because she hadn’t exactly done much all day. But looking after a newborn baby had been fraught with worry that had unexpectedly worn her out. Was she doing the right thing? How would she know if she was getting it wrong? What if the baby was ill and she hadn’t spotted the signs? Or if she made such a mess of changing Hope that the baby ended up with nappy rash—and where would you be able to buy nappy rash cream on Christmas Day, when all the shops were shut?

      The worries flickered through her head, stopping her from falling asleep. Part of her wanted to go and check that the baby was OK—but what if she woke Josh? He’d already worked a busy shift today at the hospital. Plus he was used to dealing with babies, and he’d said this was his shift; if he woke and found her checking on the baby, he might think she didn’t trust him. And if that upset him enough to make him walk out on her without really discussing anything, the way Michael had walked out on her, how was she going to cope with the baby all on her own for a week?

      Be careful what you wish for...

      She’d longed for a baby. Now, she had exactly that. A baby to look after. For a week.

      And it was terrifying.

      Maybe Michael was right about her. She’d been too stupid to guess that Gavin might have given her a symptomless STD, so when she’d finally discovered the truth the treatment had been too late to prevent the damage to her Fallopian tubes. So it was her fault that she was infertile. Maybe she was too clueless to look after a baby, too. Why, why, why had she agreed to help?

      She heard the baby start crying, and glanced at the clock. She hadn’t even managed to sleep for five minutes. It was Josh’s turn to feed the baby, but clearly he was in a deep sleep because the baby’s cries grew louder.

      Get up and see to the baby, she told herself sharply. The poor little mite has nobody. Stop being so whiny and self-pitying and get up. You can’t worry about not coping because you just have to. There isn’t another option.

      She dragged herself out of bed and stumbled into the living room. ‘Shh, baby,’ she whispered—but the baby just kept screaming.

      Just as Amy scooped the baby out of the Moses basket, she heard Josh mumble, ‘My turn. I’ve got this.’

      ‘I’m awake now. I’ll do it,’ she said.

      ‘We’ll do it together,’ Josh said. ‘Cuddle the baby or do the milk?’

      Amy inhaled the sweet, powdery scent of the baby.

      A baby she couldn’t afford to bond with. So it would be better not to get too close now.

      ‘Milk,’ she said, and handed Hope to him.

      ‘Shh, baby,’ he crooned.

      On autopilot, Amy boiled the kettle and put the baby’s bottle in a glass jug to heat the milk. She nearly scalded herself when she poured boiling water into the jug, and it splashed.

      ‘Everything OK?’ Josh asked, seeing her jump.

      ‘Yes,’ she fibbed. The last thing she wanted was for him to guess how stupid and useless she felt.

      ‘Sorry I didn’t wake sooner. I guess my shift took more out of me than I thought,’ he said. ‘I’m supposed to be helping. I’ve let you down.’

      And then the penny dropped.

      She wasn’t the only one finding it hard to do this.

      ‘You’re fine,’ she said. ‘We’re both new at this. I always tell my class, you learn more if you get it wrong first time.’

      ‘I guess.’ He sounded rueful. ‘Except a baby is a hell of a lot tougher than a page of maths problems. And, given how many babies I treat in the course of a month, I should be better at this.’

      ‘There’s a big difference between treating a baby and looking after one full time,’ she reminded him. ‘And didn’t you say to me earlier that Hope doesn’t know if we’re doing it wrong?’

      ‘Yeah. I’m glad I’m not doing this on my own,’ he said.

      He’d admitted it first, so it made it easier for her to say, ‘Me, too. I never expected it to be this hard—you’re desperate for sleep, but you’re also too scared to sleep because you want to keep an eye on the baby.’

      ‘All the what ifs,’ he agreed. ‘Being a medic is a bad thing, because you know all the worst-case scenarios and your mind goes into overdrive. You start thinking you’re seeing symptoms when there aren’t any. And then you’re not sure if you’re being ridiculously paranoid or if you really are seeing something.’

      ‘And if you’re not a medic, you look up stuff on the Internet and scare yourself stupid,’ she said. ‘Being a parent—even a stand-in—is way harder than I thought.’

      ‘Especially the first night, when you don’t have a clue what to expect,’ Josh agreed.

      ‘We’re a right pair,’ she said ruefully.

      ‘No. We’re a team,’ Josh said.

      And that spooked her even more. It was so long since she’d seen herself in a partnership that she didn’t know how to react. Then she shook herself. He meant they were a team, not a couple. She was reading too much into this. To cover how flustered she felt, she shook a couple of drops of milk onto the inside of her wrist to check the temperature. ‘I think it’s OK for her, now.’

      ‘Thanks. Go back to bed,’ he said. ‘I’ve got this.’

      ‘Sure?’ she checked.

      ‘Sure.’

      ‘OK.’ And this time she felt more relaxed when she snuggled under the duvet—enough to let her drift into sleep.

      The next time the baby cried, Amy got up and scooped up the Moses basket. ‘Shh, baby,’ she whispered. ‘Two minutes.’

      ‘OK?’ Josh asked from the sofa, sounding wide awake this time.

      He hadn’t been joking about usually being fully awake in seconds, then.

      ‘It’s fine. It’s my turn to feed her,’ she said quietly. And the way they’d muddled through together earlier had given her confidence. ‘Go back to sleep.’

      She took the baby into the kitchen and cuddled her as she warmed the milk, then took the baby into her bedroom, kept the light down low, and cuddled the baby as she fed her.

      This felt so natural, so right. But she had to remind herself sharply that this was only temporary and she couldn’t let herself bond too closely to Hope—or start thinking about Josh as anything more than just a neighbour. By New Year, life would be back to normal again. They’d be back to smiling and nodding in the corridor, maybe exchanging an extra word or two. But that would be it.

      Once the baby fell asleep again, Amy laid her gently back in the Moses basket and padded into the living room. Josh was asleep on the sofa, and this time he didn’t wake.

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