The Guilty Mother. Diane Jeffrey

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СКАЧАТЬ have Holly on my mind. Holly is sexy, smart and funny. She’s perfect for me. She’s perfect, full stop. I met her through an online dating website and when I first started seeing her, I was slightly put off by the thought that the hands touching me had been manipulating dead bodies all day. But Holly made me laugh; she made me feel like myself again. But a year and a half later, I’m still holding back.

      She’s kind and patient, she loves kids, although she doesn’t have any, and I know she’ll make a great stepmum. But I’m not sure if my boys are ready. Until recently, Alfie still crept into my bed in the middle of the night and Noah has only just started bringing home good marks and reports again from school. I was so devastated after Mel’s death that the boys suffered not only because they’d lost their mum, as if that wasn’t bad enough, but also because their father was struggling to look after himself and consequently doing a lousy job of taking care of them. We seem to be finding our feet now. I’m worried that if I bring Holly into the equation, it might upset the balance. And I don’t want my boys to think I’m replacing their mother.

      An instant message pops up from Claire and so, banishing Holly from my mind, I get up and head for the Aquarium.

      ‘How are you getting on with Melissa Slade?’ Claire says without preamble as I close the glass door and breathe in the smell of stale cigarette smoke.

      I consider her question. It’s strange, the way she has formulated it. I feel an aversion towards Melissa Slade, even though I’ve never met her. Perhaps, given what happened to me, I should feel a connection. I have something in common with Melissa Slade, but it seems to have sprung from a very different experience. I hope I never do meet the woman. I don’t think I’d get on with her at all.

      ‘I’m not much further along than when we discussed it the other day,’ I say. ‘I’ve spoken to Simon Goodman, her first husband. He could be a useful contact, I think, as long as we stick to the facts and don’t paint his ex-wife in a bad light.’ I tell Claire about my brief conversation with the superintendent.

      ‘It’s a bit thin for the moment. We’ll sit on this for a while until you’ve talked to a few more family members. What about the husband?’

      ‘You mean Michael Slade? He’s an ex-husband now too. He’s next on the list.’

      ‘OK. Try and find something The Post won’t. There’s a story in here somewhere, I can feel it, and I don’t want them breaking news before us. Timing is everything. Keep me in the loop.’

      ‘Of course.’

      ‘That’s all.’

      Back at my workstation, I attempt to find out where Michael Slade lives. I try my usual People Finder website, then Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Nothing. There are several Michael Slades, but none of them is the right one. The man seems to have gone underground after Melissa’s trial. His name barely pops up again, even around the time of the appeal.

      Out of ideas, I fire off a short email to Simon Goodman, feeling sure he’ll know where Slade lives. An hour later he writes back, asking me to ring him and giving me two or three windows to call him over the next couple of days. I sigh, frustrated and confused as to why he won’t answer my question by email.

      The rest of the afternoon goes by quickly as I have a mountain of work to get through. It’s ironic that our print edition has never had a lower readership and yet I’ve never had so much to do. The Internet and new technologies have revolutionised journalism and I need to constantly add different perspectives to stories I’ve posted online as the situations evolve. Readers expect to be able to follow what’s happening in real time. With members of the general public tweeting about events they’ve witnessed and uploading their own videos to websites, journalists have to analyse and portray the bigger picture. It’s also a job you take home with you. In a connected world, you can’t ever really disconnect. I can’t wait to go out this evening and get away from it all for a few hours.

      Despite getting caught in traffic on the way to and from dropping Kelly off at my house, I arrive at the restaurant a little early, before Holly. When she breezes in, her dark hair is sitting beautifully on her slender shoulders even though there’s a gale blowing outside, and the knee-length colourful dress she’s wearing shows off her figure to perfection.

      She kisses me on the cheek and I pull out her chair for her.

      ‘Here you go,’ she says, handing me the brown A4 envelope she was carrying under her arm. ‘I’ve photocopied the reports for both the Slade twins. I’m not supposed to … you know …’

      ‘Don’t worry,’ I say. ‘I’ll be careful how I use it.’

      I sit down again, putting the envelope on the table. Trying not to eye it longingly, I ask Holly how she has been and how her day was.

      ‘It’s OK, ‘Holly says, when I get on to the weather. ‘You can open it. That way, if you want anything clarified, I’m here.’

      So, once we’ve ordered food and we’re sipping wine, I slide out the printed pages and start by speed-reading Amber’s report. Sudden infant death. Natural causes.

      ‘Upper respiratory tract infection and inflammation of the mucous membranes of the nose,’ I read aloud. ‘What’s that in layman’s terms?’

      Holly looks up from her phone, which she has been playing with while she waits for me to finish reading. ‘Basically, Amber had a cold,’ she says. She slept on her stomach to relieve colic and there are signs of asphyxia, which would suggest she suffocated in her sleep. Her blocked nose would have hindered her breathing and I expect she ended up with her face turned down into the mattress.’

      I nod. This confirms what I thought. Cot death. It’s also the reason I hadn’t thought to ask Holly for Amber’s post-mortem report.

      ‘I found nothing suspicious. There was nothing at all to suggest violence or abuse,’ Holly continues. ‘There was no bruising other than slight haematomas around the nose and mouth and a broken rib, both of which were certainly caused by attempts made to resuscitate the baby. I didn’t see the need for an inquest.’

      Something in Holly’s words and tone of voice niggles me. She almost sounds defensive. And that’s when it comes back to me – I feel like slapping my forehead with the palm of my hand. I skimmed an online article about this only the other day, but if Holly was named in it, I missed it. In court, the pathologist who had examined Amber’s body stuck to her interpretation of her findings. I hadn’t been in court that day, but by all accounts, she was resolute in her argument that Amber’s death had been an unpreventable tragedy. She would not change her verdict despite pressure to reconsider during cross-examination by the prosecution.

      Holly puts her mobile away in her handbag. I say, ‘I remember now. In court they tried to make out Melissa Slade had murdered both twins.’

      ‘Yes. She was charged with two counts of murder. They said it was very fortunate for her that Amber had been cremated and that her little body couldn’t be exhumed for another examination.’ I think I see tears in Holly’s eyes, although I’m not sure why. I give her hand a quick squeeze under the table.

      Letting Holly recover her composure, I turn to the second report. This one is very different. Minor retinal haemorrhages. Bruises. Blood in the lungs. Fibres in the lungs. Fractured second right rib. Fractured first left rib. The cause of death is given as asphyxia consistent with deliberate smothering and/or shaking.

      ‘Why didn’t you do СКАЧАТЬ