Cowboy For Keeps. Debra Clopton

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СКАЧАТЬ The man knew the facts and asked you to marry him. Then out of the blue he drops this bomb on you. How could he ask you to marry him and then break it off because you can’t—”

      Joyce didn’t finish the sentence as her voice broke. Her eyes welled with tears. She snatched a tissue from the box on the desk and dabbed her eyes. Amanda had experienced the same anger and disbelief when Jonathan had made his revelation three endless weeks ago. But then, reality sank in and she knew that deep down she’d been expecting the breakup all along. And how could she blame him? How could anyone blame a man for realizing he couldn’t marry a woman who was unable to give him children? She couldn’t, and that was where the anger had dispelled. She was twenty-four years old with no hope of ever carrying a child. Her chest constricted again.

      She still wasn’t sure why she’d started dating Jonathan in the first place. She’d told herself she wouldn’t date. Not dating held less risk for her. But then, Jonathan had asked her out for lunch—and when she’d said no, he’d kept coming back. She’d finally agreed. She revealed the cold hard facts of her situation to him on their second date. She hadn’t expected to hear from him after that, but he’d assured her that her infertility didn’t matter to him. After a whirlwind few weeks, he’d told her he loved her and said adopting children would be totally fine with him. Deep down in her heart, Amanda had known there would be few men in the world who would take on marrying a woman who’d not only lost the ability to carry children, but who had also lost a leg. Two strikes against you, the tiny voice in her head chanted. That voice was not good and she knew it, but it wouldn’t hush.

      “He lied to you, Amanda. What kind of man would do that?”

      Focusing on the reality of the situation, Amanda shook her head. “He probably was being honest with himself.” Amanda knew it was true. “He made the right choice for himself…and for that I’m grateful—otherwise it would have been wrong for me in the end, too. And besides, you and I both know I rushed into this.”

      “I really can’t believe you are defending him. Although I do agree that it was a rushed relationship. I think you were settling if you ask me. He came along and asked and you jumped at the chance.”

      Amanda felt a twinge of agreement with that statement. Was that what she’d done? “I learned a long time ago that there are some things you have no control over. That God is in control of our lives and he has a plan.” She just hadn’t expected it to hurt so much—after all, she’d already faced this reality once in her life at the age of fourteen when the doctors had explained to her that they’d had to give her a complete hysterectomy while they repaired all the internal damage she’d sustained in the accident that had almost killed her. She was blessed to be alive and she’d thought she’d come to peace about her life and her circumstance. But she’d been wrong. After Jonathan ended their relationship, her emotions had spiraled into a tailspin. She’d been struggling for the last month to cope—not sleeping and turning down each job Amanda had offered her.

      It didn’t make sense. She had a full life. Her career as a physical therapist specializing in children’s needs had been borne from that accident. Because she knew she couldn’t have children of her own and because she’d had to be fitted with a prosthetic leg at such a young age, she’d been drawn to help kids.

      She was good with children, especially those in need of prosthetics. She understood how they felt, and could relate to the many emotions they experienced because of the loss of a limb.

      And it made her feel good because she had also been an inspiration to them when they realized life hadn’t ended. She’d helped them see that their dreams could still become reality wearing an artificial limb.

      That wasn’t true for her anymore. Coming face-to-face with Jonathan’s choice, she’d also realized that she’d been living a lie.

      She couldn’t have children of her own. She could never know what it felt like to feel that tiny, precious life growing inside of her. Suddenly it was unbearable.

      With shaking fingers Amanda slid the folder of what was supposed to be her new assignment across the desk. “I want—” she paused, digging deep “—I need to move to adult cases only.”

      Amanda couldn’t withstand the sympathy in Joyce’s gaze any longer. Pushing out of the chair, she moved to stand beside the large window overlooking the busy streets of San Antonio. The thunderstorm that had been hanging over the city all morning had finally given in and was raging full force. She could relate as a violent streak of lightning flashed across the sky. An explosion of thunder immediately followed. She took a shaky breath and reminded herself that she’d overcome so much in her life. She’d thought she’d had it all under control. What a lie that had been. “Jenny told me she had to back out of that long-term job in the hill country. The one with the man in the plane crash.”

      Joyce didn’t look pleased. “She did, but you don’t want that. It’s—” Joyce stopped speaking and sank into her seat behind her desk as Amanda turned from the window. “It’s a tiny town almost a hundred miles from any town of any real size. You don’t want to go there—”

      But she did. “That’s exactly what I want.” She felt ill but knew this was what she had to do.

      “No, it isn’t. This is a three-month on-site assignment. You don’t—”

      “I do.” She moved to stand across the desk from her boss. How could she make Joyce understand that she was trapped in a dark hole and the idea of this job seemed like a crack of light showing her the way of escape? A lifeline had been revealed. “I have to do this job. It’s exactly what I need.”

      “But,” Joyce started. They held gazes for a long moment and Amanda was almost certain that Joyce could see into Amanda’s damaged heart.

      “Give me the chance,” she urged her. “You know I can do the job.”

      Another long moment passed. “They want someone with more experience.”

      “I have enough experience.”

      “You know…” Joyce murmured thoughtfully as she tapped her fingers on her chair arm. “You actually might be perfect for this job. The other brothers said they thought their brother was depressed. You could help with that. You know about that journey.”

      Yes, she did. It was what she was fighting off from happening to her again. This job gave Amanda a ray of hope. Her heart kicked up and the constriction eased when Joyce reached for a file on the top of the stack on her desk. A file labeled Wyatt Turner.

      “I was going to have to turn this job down because Jenny couldn’t do it. You know how I hate to pass up jobs. But are you sure this is what you want? I’m comfortable with the idea of you doing the job. I just want to know your state of mind is okay.”

      The very idea of spending three months in a tiny town away from everything was what Amanda needed. Her eyes hurt with unshed tears of relief. “I’m sure.” She hadn’t been able to pray since Jonathan broke off their engagement, but she found herself praying now that she would get to do this job.

      “Wyatt Turner is a man of means,” Joyce said at last.

      “He can afford to hire a full-time PT to help him all day if he chooses, and so he’s doing it. You will be coming up with not only his daily therapy, but also helping out with other things he might need—acting as his personal assistant or cooking if he wants you to. It’s an odd job, but the pay is excellent and I promised his two brothers that I’d find the perfect person or I would turn the job down.”

      “No СКАЧАТЬ