Wildfire Sweethearts. Leigh Bale

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СКАЧАТЬ low. He heard the doubt in her voice. An edge of suspicion and resentment. His mind told him he’d done everything right that fateful day, but he couldn’t believe it. He kept replaying different scenarios over in his mind. If only he’d done this, or that, or something else, then Zach would still be here.

      “You used to tell me there was nothing we couldn’t do as long as we worked on it together,” she said.

      A caustic laugh slipped from his throat. “Not this time, Tessa. I’m afraid I was wrong.”

      She flinched. “If you’ve given up, then I suppose you’re right. We’re finished.”

      A fist of emotion lodged in his chest. He caught a glimpse of pain in her eyes and shook his head.

      “What about a medical professional?” she suggested. “There are people trained to help with situations like this. A doctor can help you cope.”

      That did it. He scooted back his chair and stood, his movements stiff. Reaching for his jacket, he walked to the door and thrust it open. “Look, Tess. I’ve already visited with a psychiatrist and been cleared for duty. I appreciate this intervention thing you’re trying to do here, but I don’t need it anymore. I’m fine. Really.”

      Her lips tightened, her eyes shimmering. Oh, no. Please not that. He could stand anything but her tears.

      “I’m just trying to understand. I miss Zach,” she whispered.

      Ah, that hurt. So much.

      “I know you do.” He spoke softly, wishing he could do something to make it all better. Wishing he could take away her pain.

      “The worst part is that I lost both of you that day. Not just Zach. I lost you, too,” she said.

      What could he say to that? Nothing.

      “I wish things could be different. I wish I could bring him back,” he said.

      “That’s not what I need you to do, Sean. Zach’s with God now. But I want to understand what happened and why you have shut me out.”

      He released a slow breath, trying to ignore the memories of that horrible day as they flashed across his brain. “You’ve read the incident report. You already know everything.”

      “Reading that sterile report isn’t the same as talking with you, and you know it. I’d rather read your personal notes instead.”

      “Those are confidential. They’re just my ramblings anyway. Nothing you could decipher. The only reason I wrote them down was because my psychiatrist required it.” He shrugged, feeling uncomfortable with her questions. He wasn’t the type of man to go and visit with a shrink. He’d done it only because he had to.

      “I’m Zach’s sister. Don’t you think I have a right to know the details?” she asked.

      “There’s nothing left to tell. Unless you want to talk about work, we have nothing to discuss.”

      She backed up, her face ashen. He’d stung her again, when all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and keep her safe.

      “Fine. If that’s the way you want it,” she said.

      “It is.” He tightened his hands, forcing himself not to relent. Not to tell her how he really felt. That it should have been him that died on that mountain, not Zach.

      “All right, then. Congratulations on your promotion, Sean. I hope you’re happy with your new assignment.” She swept past him to the dark parking lot. The tall mercury vapor lights bathed her in an eerie blue glow.

      He longed to call her back. To confide in her like he used to. To speak the words he’d kept locked away since that dreadful day. But he couldn’t. Not about this. Not without winning her condemnation. Just like the day when he’d broken off their engagement, he let her walk away from him without saying one word to stop her.

      When she was inside Zach’s truck, he took a deep, settling breath. He watched as she backed out and drove through the front gate, the gravel crackling beneath her tires.

      Maybe this fire season wouldn’t be as easy as he thought. He had his share of misgivings about accepting this new promotion. He was definitely qualified to lead the team, yet he feared letting them down. What if he couldn’t do the job? What if he failed? The thought of losing another man under his command made him sweat, but the thought of losing Tessa absolutely terrorized him. In the past he would have told her his deepest fears. But he couldn’t tell her all of this. How could he expect her to understand what he was going through when he didn’t understand it himself?

      Heaving a labored sigh, he flipped off the lights and secured the front door. With Brian and Rollo gone, they were down two men. Now the FMO had made him the team’s superintendent. A position he had once aspired to. With a college degree in fire science, he had worked hard with the hopes of one day being given his own hotshot crew to manage. Now that he’d finally reached that goal, he felt deflated. Because it no longer meant anything. Not when he couldn’t share the joy with Tessa.

      She was angry and hurting, but at least she was safe. She would recover. Eventually. She’d move on with her life and meet some good man who could make her happy. Someone who wasn’t responsible for her brother’s death. And knowing that she’d share her life with another man hurt Sean most of all. But he had to let her go. Her happiness was more important to him than anything else.

      He stood in the empty parking lot, staring at Tessa’s taillights as she turned onto the main road. Finally, he drove home. He parked his truck and gazed at his dark house. The black, vacant windows seemed to stare back at him, taunting him with empty disdain. He had to accept that his time of loving Tessa was done and over with. Because he could never have it back.

Chapter Three

      Standing in the maintenance room at the hotshot base, Tessa settled into her morning chores with the rest of the crew. They never knew when they might get called out on another fire, so they planned to be ready at a moment’s notice.

      The whine of the electric belt grinder filled the air in an endless drone. Tugging on a pair of leather gloves, Tessa picked up a Pulaski, removed the tool guard from the steel head and tightened the hickory handle into a bench vise to hold it firm. She reached for a twelve-inch file with a handle and knuckle guard to sharpen the dull edge of the hand tool.

      “Hey, Tessa! The Big Guy wants to see you right away.” Tank stepped inside the shop and jerked his thumb toward the door.

      Tessa tensed. The lighthearted atmosphere frosted over faster than a drop plane could unload retardant on a line of timber. “I’ll be there in a few minutes. Tell him to hold his horses.”

      “Yeah, he said you’d say that.” Tank chortled as he turned and left to pass her message along.

      “What’s up between you and the super?” Dean asked.

      A stutter of silence fell over the group. Since Dean and Ace were new to the team, they didn’t know her past history with Sean or the doubt they all still felt over Zach’s death. What had happened had hurt them deeply, but that wasn’t Dean’s fault.

      Tessa didn’t look up, but her heart СКАЧАТЬ