No Surrender. Sara Arden

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СКАЧАТЬ can’t talk about it.” His stare was focused somewhere out on the horizon. Somewhere he could be that wasn’t here, in this place, without Lynnie. Or that was what she imagined.

      She pursed her lips again, feeling them go tight and thin. “You don’t have to. I think I’ve had enough of talking. At least talking about death. Because we’re still here. We’re still alive.”

      “Are you sure about that?”

      Kentucky mustered up a grin. “I guess I don’t know about you, but I am.” This was what she’d been waiting for. Some grand spark of inspiration, a way to honor Lynnie’s life that represented who she was. Not the Saint Paul Lutheran Ladies Auxiliary version. Lynnie had always been so vital. Her life was like a star, something bright and sparkling.

      “Come on.” She held out her hand as she stood. “Let’s get out of here.”

      Sean cocked his head to the side and seemed to debate for a long moment. “Screw it.” He took her hand and hopped up to his feet. “Where are we going?”

      “Come with me and find out.” She dragged him behind her toward the back of the property, his warm fingers closed around hers.

      She wouldn’t think about how good it felt to hold his hand, to have some solid anchor keeping her in the moment. As she drew him deeper into the wooded area, he paused.

      “Mossy Rock? You can’t be serious.”

      “I’m so serious right now.” She tugged his hand and he followed. “Lynnie loved it out here. Do you remember?”

      “Yeah.” His voice was tight with emotion.

      Mossy Rock was a place right out of a teen drama. It was the weekend place for Winchester teens in the summer and early fall before the air turned cold and sharp. Mossy Rock was like a backwoods waterslide right into Sutter’s Pond.

      It was known for camping, the occasional kegger, bonfires and long summer days spent in the water floating around on inner tubes and sunning on the grass around the pond.

      She stopped just at the edge of the rock. “Are you in?”

      “I’m not sliding down that rock, Kentucky.” His voice sounded like some sitcom dad, faux stern.

      “Then I guess I’m going to leave you here by yourself. Sucks for you.” She pulled off her boots and arched a brow. Kentucky knew that all she had to do was basically dare him to do it and he’d be in the water right after her.

      “Not going to happen.”

      “Chicken.” She started peeling off her jeans. She tried not to think about her bare legs or to wonder if he’d look, wonder if she wanted him to look.

      Or what he’d look like naked.

      “I’m not going to do something just because you— What are you doing?” He watched her slide the denim down her legs and her face heated.

      “What, did you think I was going to slide down that rock in my clothes? No way.” She’d be in nothing but her underwear. She rationalized that it was the same as wearing a bikini. Nothing less was covered.

      He chuckled. “You’re still that same wild creature you’ve always been.”

      She met his gaze. “Always and forever.” Kentucky meant to sound lighthearted, but it ended up sounding more like a confession. But that wasn’t anything he didn’t already know. “And I’m not the only one. You may be a Boy Scout, Sean Dryden, but you don’t get to be a special ops pilot by sitting on the sidelines.” She knew that spark was still in him, that fire. It just needed to be rekindled.

      “Next you’re going to say to live a little. Am I right?” He shook his head. “Hell, I think you said those exact words to me last time we were all here.” Sean pointed to the top of Mossy Rock. “It was me, you, Lynnie, Eric and Rachel the weekend before graduation. I still hadn’t decided if I was going to K-State or enlisting.”

      She smiled at him. “And Lynnie said you were her hero no matter what you chose.”

      Shadows of emotion fell across his face. “But you, you told me live a little.”

      “And are you?” Had he really enlisted because she’d told him to? That was insane. No one made life choices on an offhand comment made by the one in the group most likely to leave a good-looking corpse.

      “I think I meant to,” Sean answered.

      “So what are you doing? Come on.” She pulled her shirt off and slid down Mossy Rock into Sutter’s Pond. Things were getting too heavy again, too hot. Kentucky was intently aware of his eyes and everything his gaze touched. Like the sun stretching out rays of heat all down her skin.

      She squeaked as the cool water enveloped her and she stayed beneath the dark surface for a time, the moment frozen, her feelings frozen. Under the water, she didn’t have to think about losing Lynnie.

      Under the water, she didn’t have to think about Sean.

      All she had to do was float. The weight of the water both pushed her down and held her suspended at the same time, or so it seemed to her. It was this strange sensation of nonbeing. But she only stayed there like a movie on pause. She didn’t want to stop feeling; she didn’t want to be frozen forever. She wanted a second where she didn’t have to do anything but float; then she could hit Play on the world again.

      She let everything crash back into her as she surfaced. Her loss, her need, her desire and her hope. Her hope that she could cram everything she wanted to feel and experience into this life. It was over much too quickly, like fireworks.

      He splashed into the water behind her.

      Why had she thought this was a good idea again? Kentucky had only wanted to take his mind off their pain. But her mind was on something else altogether. She turned around to face him and he stood there bare chested like a freshwater Poseidon.

      Sean scrubbed his hand over his face and pushed away the droplets of water. He grinned. His biceps bulged, the veins in his forearms raised under his tanned skin. She wanted to touch it, trace those lines up his arm, close her hands around his shoulders and pull him down to— She wouldn’t think about that now. She’d let herself have that fantasy when she was alone in the dark and pretending her own fingers were his.

      She wouldn’t think about standing there in her wet bra and panties or the way the water slid down over the hard lines of his face, the sheen of water on his skin or the fact that he was wearing nothing but his issued boxer briefs, which molded to his body... Nope. Wasn’t going to think about it at all. Or the way he seemed to be looking at the lace that cupped her breasts. This could only lead to regret.

      Not for her, but for him. He was hurting now and looking for something to stanch the pain. What better way than to get lost in another person? Her skin, her touch, her scent...that contact pushing away all the darkness, quieting the sadness, if only for a time.

      But he’d feel guilty for it later—she knew that.

      But if he kept looking at her that way, she was going to take him up on it. She’d wanted him for so long, and she didn’t do things like regret. Life was too fleeting. They were both still breathing СКАЧАТЬ