Destination Chile. Katy Colins

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СКАЧАТЬ You’re leaving? You and Jimmy?’ My eyes flickered across her face, desperate for her to break into her signature grin and tell me she was joking. But her expression remained sober and slightly pale.

      ‘Yep. I’ve been offered a job back home and Jimmy can head over on a visa. He’s already got interviews lined up for some personal trainer work so we can look at making it permanent, or possibly we get married ourselves…’

      ‘Oh wow. Erm, that’s great news.’ I paused to let this all sink in.

      She winced and picked up her wine glass. ‘The other thing is, because of these jobs we’re going to be going soon. Like, in a month.’

      ‘No! A MONTH! Did you know?’ I turned to Marie who blatantly did judging by her pinched expression.

      Shelley jumped in to save Marie from answering. ‘I was worried at how you’d take it. I wanted to ask Marie for her advice before I told you as she’s known you for so long,’ Shelley blustered.

      I sat back in my chair feeling disappointed that my two best friends had had to confide in each other on about how to handle me taking big, stupid, life-changing news like this.

      ‘Right. I mean…wow. Shel, I’m chuffed for you!’ I said a few moments later, probably taking longer to say it than I should have done. ‘This is SO exciting!’

      ‘You sure?’ she asked, pulling out of the hug I’d grabbed her in as I tried to pretend I was embracing her when really I needed a moment to gather my thoughts on her shoulder.

      ‘Course. I mean, this is great news. Who wouldn’t want to go and live in Australia? Wow. How exciting, really, this is great.’ I then let out this strangled laugh that matched my high-pitched voice. ‘This is great. We should have champagne!’ I announced, getting to my feet and suddenly wanting to get some fresh air. ‘I’ll head to the shop right now!’

      ‘Georgia. Are you sure you’re okay?’

      ‘Positive! We need to celebrate! Ha ha, look at you two. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine. More than fine,’ I babbled, rummaging through my handbag for my purse. Where the hell was it? For fuck’s sake.

      ‘Georgia,’ Marie said firmly, placing a hand on the arm that was desperately tearing through my bag. ‘Just chill out a moment.’

      ‘I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be? I mean, look at you all blossoming and yummy mummy and then look at Shel going to live thousands of miles away and then look at me and…and…’ It was too late. The tears were falling as the enormity of the situation hit me. I was losing my two best friends to real life when I still wasn’t sure of the direction mine was heading.

      ‘Aww, hon, come here.’ Shelley tried to put her arm round me but I shrugged it off and roughly wiped my eyes.

      ‘I’m fine. Fine. Honestly. Although have we got any more wine?’ I said, a little softer. ‘I’m just being silly.’

      ‘You’re clearly not fine.’ Marie shook her head. ‘There might be a bottle in the drinks cupboard in the kitchen. I’ve no idea how long it’s been there as I’ve not had nice booze in the house since being pregnant.’

      I glanced at the almost empty wine bottle we’d brought with us. ‘Oh, okay. Well then, who fancies one of Georgia’s special cocktails?’ I asked, jumping to my feet. Neither of them joined in.

      Soon I was back in the lounge holding a glass of Georgia’s Special Cocktail that I’d rustled up in super quick time, which was basically a concoction of the dregs of a Baileys bottle and some green alcoholic syrup I’d found in the back of Marie’s cupboard. It was the best of what was available, you know the stuff you accumulate over the years after parties, for recipes, or over the festive season but never get through – as who the hell ever finds themselves craving a glass of Advocaat? But I didn’t care. Judging by the time those bottles had been in that dusty drinks cupboard, the alcohol must have tripled in strength, as it was strooooonnnggg and exactly what I needed.

      ‘You’re both missing out!’ I said taking a long gulp. It did not taste good. ‘So, Australia, wow, tell me all!’ I managed, wanting to make conversation and purposefully ignoring their sceptical faces that I clearly wasn’t as fine as I was insisting that I was.

      ‘Well, I was originally just going to head there myself and Jimmy would join me when he could, but then we thought, well why not just go together. I’ve already handed my notice in and Jimmy is winding down his contracts as we get things sorted.’

      ‘Ben will be crushed,’ I breathed. Jimmy had been his best friend for years. It wasn’t just me who was losing out. ‘When is he telling him?’

      Shelley ran her finger over the rim of her now empty wine glass. ‘He’s already told him.’

      ‘Wait – Ben knows and didn’t think to tell me?!’ Well this news had just got a whole lot shittier.

      ‘I think Jimmy asked Ben not to tell you until I’d had the chance to speak with you. I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else.’ Her cheeks had flushed as she spoke. Marie shifted in her seat. I wasn’t sure if it was the baby pressing against her bladder or this uncomfortable atmosphere.

      ‘Oh. Right.’ We weren’t celebrating. We should be commiserating the end of an era. ‘Well, at least it shows Ben is good at keeping secrets, ha!’ A bark of fake laughter escaped.

      ‘All men have some secrets, just like us women. The point is that as long as they don’t hurt each other then it’s okay. I mean, you do love Ben, don’t you?’ Marie asked out of the blue.

      ‘What is love?’ I asked stretching my arms out and sloshing some of my special cocktail on the sofa cushion. ‘Baby, don’t hurt me!’ I finished Haddaway’s 90s’ song lyrics with a dramatic flourish and cracked myself up.

      ‘You do need to speak to him about it all though, babe,’ Marie said, ignoring the signs that my cocktail was kicking in.

      ‘I know, just not right now,’ I muttered sticking my tongue as far as it would go into my glass.

      My best friend was soon to give life to another human being, my other best friend was starting a new life down under with her doting boyfriend, whereas mine was currently on a date with his stunning ex-girlfriend. Plus, he knew Shelley’s Australian bombshell and hadn’t prewarned me. But then again I’d found the ring he was going to propose to me with, so why did this matter? Even in my happiest moments, when I knew I had achieved and experienced things not a lot of people would do in a lifetime, I would still feel those crushing dark thoughts tap at my mind that I was missing out on what others had. That I had been left behind in some way. I always thought that – if things had previously gone to plan – by now I would have had a baby with Alex, that we would have celebrated our wedding anniversary and maybe even added an en-suite bathroom to our house.

      When he’d called it off I’d been faced with an alternative to what I guess is the ‘pre-packaged’ idea of how you are supposed to live your life with the husband, children and mortgage. My life was now focused on growing my business, getting to see the world, building a future with Ben and doing the things that made me happy. I fluctuated between feeling unsure that I wanted to follow the traditional path, as it hurt me so much last time, yet eager not to miss out on what deep down I desperately wanted – a loving husband, a healthy СКАЧАТЬ