Yuletide Cowboy. Debra Clopton

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СКАЧАТЬ to the bitter chill that ran through him each time he thought of Randy. How could he sweat bullets and feel cold to the bone at the same time? Guilt, that’s how. Gut-wrenching, soul-shredding guilt could make him sick as a dog it tore him up so bad.

      “Talk to me, Chance.”

      “I let him die. Nothing you can say will convince me that I didn’t do what I should have done.” I’m just not ready, had been Randy’s last words to Chance before he’d climbed over the rail and settled onto the bull’s back. For the last five years Chance had held services every Sunday morning before a rodeo and then he’d stood on the platform with any cowboy who asked. Randy had wanted him there until a few weeks before his death. He’d stopped attending services and avoided him for weeks prior to his last ride. Instead of seeking Randy out, Chance had let other things distract him from going to Randy and showing his concern. Chance knew he was hanging with a rough crowd. He’d known Randy was in danger and yet he hadn’t gone the extra mile to try and help him.

      “Randy didn’t give his life to the Lord. Never accepted the gift of salvation that Jesus offers every person.” Wyatt listened intently. “It haunts me.” Chance lowered his head for a minute with the weight of the guilt. “I didn’t step up when he needed me the most.”

      “But you were there on his last ride.”

      He jerked his head up. “Yeah, I was. But he still wasn’t ready to commit. I don’t know why he asked me that night. It’s like he knew in his gut that his time was running out but he couldn’t do it. I don’t know, Wyatt. I have been over it and over it a thousand times in my mind and I can’t figure out what I did wrong. I presented him with every verse and concept about salvation that I could come up with. And I always come up empty…and he always comes up dead. I can’t shake knowing that I should have done more. At least stopped him from getting on that bull when I knew he might be doing drugs. It—”

      “You can’t hold yourself accountable for that.”

      But he did, and the assortment of prescription drugs that had been found in Randy’s gear only made it worse.

      “I should have stepped in. Rumor had it that it he’d got ten hooked on painkillers after his shoulder injury. His eyes were glazed when I looked at him the moment be fore the gate opened. And I didn’t say anything.”

      Saying the words was hard for him. Chance knew that logically Randy’s death wasn’t his fault but that didn’t change the way he felt.

      “What could you have said? The ride was already in motion. You have to let it go, Chance. I’m telling you it’s not your fault.” Wyatt’s expression was etched with determination. That was Wyatt, always wanting to charge in and save the day. But not this time.

      Chance gave a short shake of his head and stared into the distant horizon. He’d messed up. There was no way to wash Randy’s blood from his hands. “By omission I let that kid die both physically and spiritually. How am I supposed to live with that?”

      “That isn’t true,” Wyatt snapped, his eyes flashing.

      “It isn’t. You aren’t a superhero. The kid was on drugs and he was avoiding you. I get that you hold yourself up to a higher standard, but come on, Chance, let it go.”

      “I can’t, Wyatt. And until I can come to terms with it, there’s no way I can stand up in front of a bunch of cowboys or a congregation feeling the way I do. Knowing what I’ve done.”

      “Lynn, you need to bid on a bachelor tomorrow night.”

      Lynn looked up from the centerpiece she was arranging for one of the many tables set up in rows in the community center. Several ladies were scattered about decorating the room for tomorrow night’s fundraiser for the women’s shelter.

      “I’m helping with the benefit, Norma Sue, but I’m not taking part. I’ve already told you that.”

      Norma Sue Jenkins hooked her thumb around the strap of her ample overalls, tilted her kinky gray head to the side and grunted, “Hogwash.”

      “Now, Norma, none of that,” Adela Ledbetter-Green admonished in a gentle voice that always made Lynn think of the sugar and spice and everything nice that little girls were made of. God’s goodness and grace just radiated from her with a sincerity that made everyone around her feel happier just by being there. It was that loving, sweet spirit that could be misleading to some at times. Because within the elegant, almost fragile-looking form of Adela beat the strong heart of a woman of wisdom, unafraid to speak her mind and give advice and direction whenever she felt the need. Obviously she felt the need, and for that Lynn was grateful.

      “Thank you,” Lynn said, more than glad to have her support.

      Adela smiled and studied her with vibrant peacock-blue eyes. “Well, dear, I didn’t say I didn’t agree with Norma Sue. I do. I simply think she should be more tempered in her encouragement.”

      And here Lynn had been thinking all these good thoughts about her!

      “Honey, don’t look at me so surprised. We just love you to death and want you to be happy.”

      “I am happy. I just don’t want to be pushed.” Not even by these ladies she loved so much. And she knew how they could push when they got it in their heads that a woman needed to be matched up and married off.

      “There will be plenty of women here for y’all to mix and match without me.”

      “But what about your boys?” Esther Mae Wilcox, their third partner in crime, huffed as she scooted from the table on the other side of Norma Sue. She wore a red velour warm-up suit that clashed totally with her bright, reddish-orange hair. “Don’t you think it’s time to at least go on one date?” At her impatient tone she glanced Adela’s way. “Yes, I know I’m pushing when we said we were going to go at this nice and easy. But Adela, I just can’t.” She hit Lynn with her green eyes.

      “You were the strongest woman who climbed off that bus two years ago. You have jumped into life here in town with ease and have given your moral support and encouragement to all the other women who have passed through the doors of No Place Like Home. You are al ways working to help others move forward with their lives and yet you don’t.”

      Lynn couldn’t deny any of this. It was true. She’d at tended every class at the shelter on overcoming being a battered wife. Every class on coping. Every class under any name, anything that would help her be the woman she needed to be for her boys. She could tell others how to do it and she could help her friends when they needed her. Outwardly she seemed to have her act together and so everyone assumed she did. “Esther Mae, I just moved my boys into their very own home. That’s moving forward. I’m happy. I’m content and I’m not bidding on a bachelor.”

      “Did I hear you say you weren’t bidding?” Lacy Brown Matlock asked, coming up behind Lynn. The hugely pregnant hair stylist pulled out a chair beside Lynn and eased down into it. “I’m telling y’all that the doc says this little gal of mine is coming no sooner than two weeks out, but mark my word it’ll be sooner rather than later. This baby has a mind of her own and is trying to kick her way out right now!”

      Relieved to have someone else join in the conversation, Lynn chuckled. “She’s independent like her mom ma.” And they didn’t come any more independent than Lacy. She’d moved to Mule Hollow after reading the matchmakers’ ad in the newspaper. Just like that, the spunky blonde had followed her heart, determined that if СКАЧАТЬ