Principles And Pleasures. Margaret Allison

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      “What eligible bachelors?” Meredith asked. It was true that she had never had a boyfriend, but she wasn’t avoiding men. She dated…occasionally.

      “Frank…for one,” she said, mentioning a local dentist with whom Meredith had shared several dinners.

      “I’m not interested in him. No chemistry.”

      “See?”

      “I don’t want to go out with just anyone. After all, I’m busy. I have a lot of responsibility.”

      “Of course, dear.” But Meredith could tell from her mother’s voice she did not understand.

      “I’m one of the only women running a conglomerate,” Meredith continued.

      “Of course, dear,” her mother repeated.

      “And it’s not as if I turn men down,” she said. “I can’t remember when I was asked out last.”

      “You’re smart, Meredith,” her mother said. “Most women your age are rushing around, caring for their husbands, their children. You just have to worry about yourself.”

      “Right,” Meredith said, rather uncertainly.

      “Especially now, during the holiday season,” Viera continued. “Most women your age are busy with parties and presents. But you don’t have to bother yourself with any of that. I’m sure this Christmas you’ll be at your office, dealing with business as usual.”

      Carly opened the bathroom door. She made her way over to the couch and lay down. “I’m sick,” she said.

      “Too much champagne and men,” her mother said.

      “Speaking of which—” Carly touched a hand to her forehead “—Josh is waiting for me.” She turned toward Meredith and said, “He’s in the gazebo. Tell him that I couldn’t make it, but I’ll see him tomorrow.”

      “Me?” Meredith asked. She did not want to see Josh alone. What if he mentioned their night together? It was too awkward. “Maybe you should go,” Meredith said to her mother.

      “Absolutely not,” Viera said. “I’m going to find the Durans and try to smooth things over. Besides, I really don’t care if he stands there all night. Let him freeze his—”

      “Mother!” Carly said. “Please, stop talking. My head is spinning.” She grabbed Meredith’s hand and held it. “You’ll go?”

      Meredith looked at her sister. She always had a terrible time refusing her anything. “Okay,” she said. Taking a breath for confidence, Meredith headed toward the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she could’ve sworn she saw her sister mouth something to her mother. But when she turned back, Viera was frowning and Carly had her eyes closed.

      “Go on,” her mother said. “And hurry back.”

      Meredith walked out of the room. She tried to swallow the sadness welling in her throat. It had pained her to hear her mother sum up her life like that. But she knew Viera was not trying to be cruel. After all, it was the truth. Meredith had no social life. And it was looking as though she never would. Whereas Carly always had too many men to choose from, Meredith never had any.

      But her mother was wrong to assume she liked her situation. She had not planned on being the girl never asked to dance. During college, she had tried to change. Tried to be more like Carly. And that was how she’d ended up with Josh.

      Meredith blushed as she remembered how it had all come about. She had harbored a secret crush on Josh all through high school. Several years older than her, he was a gifted ski instructor. He dated socialites, girls like her sister, beautiful and charming. Meredith, in contrast, was tall and awkward, with brown hair, brown eyes and glasses. She was the type of girl that boys would choose as a study partner, not a dinner date.

      Meredith had left Colorado for college on the East coast, hoping to forget about Josh. But her social life had not improved. Among her friends she was known as the “virgin.” All they ever talked about was men and sex. “It’s like plunging into freezing cold water,” one of them said. “It’s a little weird at first, but then you get used to it.”

      “Just do it,” another advised her. “Don’t be so picky. Men are going to start thinking there’s something wrong with you.”

      But Meredith wanted her first time to be perfect. She wanted her first lover to be kind and considerate. Skilled and confident.

      Finally, as she’d entered her senior year of college, Meredith had become tired of waiting. If she was ever going to lose her virginity, she was going to have to take action herself. But there was only one man with whom she wanted to make love.

      Josh.

      She’d spent months planning a seduction. She’d tried to make herself into the kind of woman Josh might find attractive. She’d gotten contact lenses, lost weight, had a professional makeover. And she’d made a plan. Over Thanksgiving break she would hire Josh to take her to the top of Bear Mountain. A one-day trip, she knew there was a halfway house that was stocked with supplies for skiers stuck on the mountain. She would feign a sprained ankle, forcing them to stop at the cabin.

      Everything had gone flawlessly.

      Meredith had lost her virginity in a romantic, memorable night of passion. Although it had been everything Meredith had dreamed, she had not been happy.

      In fact, the morning after, when she’d awakened wrapped in Josh’s strong arms, she’d been overcome with remorse. What had she done? She’d tried to turn herself into someone that she was not, only to bed a man who would never be hers. Angry with herself, she’d promised she would never again compromise herself for another man.

      And so she had gone to the opposite extreme. She no longer bothered putting on flirtatious airs or worrying about makeup or hair. She was who she was. A corporate executive.

      Meredith went through the back of the house, trying to avoid the crowd. She grabbed the big, thick, down coat that her sister said made her look like a stuffed Eskimo, put on her warm snow boots and stepped outside.

      Meredith spent most of her time in Denver, where Cartwright Enterprises had their corporate offices. But nights like this made her miss Aspen. It was a beautiful evening. The air was cold and clean, the sky lit by thousands of sparkling stars. She glanced across the yard, toward the gazebo, which was lit by tiny white lights. She could see Josh standing, his hands in his pockets, waiting.

      She swallowed. Make it quick, she told herself. Just tell him that Carly can’t make it and be on your way. You don’t have to make conversation. You don’t have to stay and talk…

      “Meredith?” Josh smiled as he stepped closer. “This is a surprise.”

      Meredith stopped outside the gazebo and said, “Carly couldn’t make it.”

      “Oh?”

      “She’s sick. Too much…” She paused. It was not Josh’s business why her sister was ill. “Food poisoning.”

      “Oh,” he said. “I hope it wasn’t the crab dip. I helped myself to that, too.”

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