Self-Healing: The only introduction you’ll ever need. David Lawson

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СКАЧАТЬ and change them to thoughts that will support our treatments and stimulate or, in some cases, accelerate the healing process.

      When we are having problems in our relationships we can ask ourselves ‘Have I learned to think, act or respond in ways that could be contributing to these problems?’ The way that we think about relationships in general, the beliefs that we hold about people of the opposite sex, people of the same sex, our sexuality, our bodies and our self-esteem all contribute to the kinds of relationship that we create. If we do not like what we are creating we may need to change the thought.

      We can begin to notice our thoughts and beliefs by listening to the language that we use. What words do you use again and again when you are on the telephone, talking to your parents, talking to your children, talking to your partner, conversing with a colleague or making small talk with someone that you have just met? Do you complain about the state of the world? Do you criticize yourself or other people? Do you talk about the things that are limiting you or lacking in your life? Do you use ‘struggle words’ such as hard, difficult or trying? Do you use compulsive words such as ought, must and should?

      The more that we listen to ourselves talking, the more we can begin to notice the negative or limiting conversations that we have during the course of the day and the easier it is to pinpoint some of our underlying negative or limiting beliefs.

       Exercise: Mind your Language

      Take a day to listen to the language that you use. Is the main content of your conversation negative or positive? Are you critical, blaming and quick to judge or are you generally accepting, supportive and compassionate when you talk about yourself and other people? Do you talk about life in a way that is fearful or that expects failure or do you use words that invite safety, positive opportunities and success? Is your language filled with struggle words? Do you talk about how hard your life is or do you talk about the ease and joy of life?

      If it helps, carry a pen and notebook around with you so that you can record anything that you notice about your choice of words and ideas. Alternatively, leave a tape recorder switched on for periods of time so that you can forget it is there and allow yourself to talk as you normally would.

      Perhaps you will discover that the things you say are constantly negative. Some people are amazed when they do this exercise because they generally believe themselves to be quite positive and have not previously noticed the mass of negative or limiting words, phrases and concepts that they utter. Even genuinely positive people may pinpoint negative patterns of thought that they are still carrying with them from their childhood or from some period of frustration or disappointment that they have had in their lives.

      If you do not notice very much, do not worry, it takes practice to listen to ourselves. Pinpointing even just one thing can begin a powerful process of transformation. Here is a guide to some common words or phrases that may help you.

      STRUGGLE WORDS

      Our parents may have told us, either directly or indirectly, that life is hard. As children we copied the language that they and other key figures in our formative lives constantly used. If that language included words, phrases, sayings or concepts that expressed the difficulty of life, then it is highly likely that our language will also express our deeply held belief in difficulty and struggle.

      Struggle words are burdening. They weigh us down mentally, emotionally and physically, leaving us feeling dispirited and making us magnetic to difficulty in all areas of our lives. Beliefs in struggle contribute to physical tension, in some cases making our bodies look and feel defeated or joyless. They can inhibit us from having our needs met and can frustrate our ability to create the health, prosperity or relationships that we truly desire.

      Here are some examples of struggle words, concepts or phrases that many of us use:

      • Hard

      • Difficult

      • Trying

      • Struggle

      • Hard work

      • Crisis

      • Disaster.

      As in:

       ‘It is difficult for me to learn new things.’

       ‘I am in a difficult situation.’

       ‘It will take hard work to achieve that.’

       ‘I always work hard but it never seems to get me anywhere.’

       ‘It is always such a struggle to make ends meet.’

       ‘I am trying to change but it is a struggle.’

       ‘I can’t win.’

       ‘It is hard for me to change.’

       ‘This is such a crisis.’

       ‘It is always such a disaster.’

      If we are constantly telling ourselves how hard or difficult life is, how can we expect it to get any easier?

      COMPULSIVE WORDS

      As children, we also learn compulsive words from the people around us. Whenever we are told that we must do something, that we really ought to do it and that it is something that really should be done, we create compulsive beliefs – particularly when words like must, ought and should are repeated to us often. We copy compulsive beliefs from parent figures who constantly talk about what we, they or other people ought, must or should do.

      Compulsive words create and reinforce compulsive beliefs that are often frustrating, draining and inhibiting. They act by motivating us to do things in a way that is pressured and joyless. The result is that we often push ourselves to the limit or more often give up in the attempt to reach some unhealthy measure of success or self-worth. Either way there is a feeling of failure and we come to feel bad about ourselves or to punish ourselves for our lack of success.

      Compulsive words limit our choices. We use compulsive beliefs to drive ourselves too hard, push ourselves to do things that we do not want to do and in some cases force ourselves into situations that are unhealthy or damaging for us. They can contribute to desperation, workaholic tendencies, depression, laziness and fatigue.

      Here are some examples of compulsive words, concepts or phrases that many of us use:

      • Must/Must not

      • Ought/Ought not

      • Should/Should not

      • Have to.

      As in:

       ‘I must try harder to succeed.’

       ‘I must not stop until I have finished.’

       ‘I have to do this before I can do the things that I want to do.’ СКАЧАТЬ