To Have And To Hold: Made for Marriage / To Wed a Rancher / The Mummy Proposal. Helen Lacey

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СКАЧАТЬ the wet suit off her shoulders. He cupped her breast through the thin fabric of her bikini top and Callie felt a flood of moisture between her thighs, a longing deep down, driving her to want more, need more. Her hips rose in anticipation, waiting, wanting and screaming with need. She reached down to touch him, felt him hard against her palm, felt the power in her hands as he grew harder still against her stroking fingers. It was as if they had been doing this forever—as if they had known one another in another time, another life.

      “Callie,” he muttered, like the word was ripped from his throat. “We have to stop.”

      She put her hands into his hair. “No, please.”

      “We have to stop,” he said again, raggedly. “I don’t have a condom. I can’t protect you.”

      She clung to him. Some faraway voice told her he was right. But she wanted him so much. “It’s okay,” she breathed.

      “No,” he said, more groan than anything else. “It’s not. I won’t … I won’t make you pregnant. At least, not like this. Not here. And not yet.”

      Callie’s heart stilled, and pain filled every part of her chest. She felt herself move, retreat, pull away. She had to tell him of her pain. Her shame. “You’re right, Noah,” she whispered, suddenly cold. “You won’t make me pregnant.” A shuddering sigh came out. “I can’t have children.”

      Noah pulled back immediately. He felt her hurt through to the blood in his bones.

      She can’t have children.

      The pieces of the puzzle of who she was fell spectacularly into place. Of course. It made so much sense. Her son had died and she’d never have another.

      Then share mine burned on the edge of his tongue. He wanted to tell her, make her see that she could have children if she wanted them. His kids, who would welcome her into their life. He knew it as surely as he breathed. Even Lily. They needed her. He needed her.

      She scrambled up and took a few moments to readjust her clothing. Once she’d pushed her wetsuit back up she began collecting the leftover foodstuffs and blanket.

      Noah adjusted his own wet suit and moved behind her. “Callie?”

      She shook her head as she picked up the blanket and began folding. “I’d really rather not talk about it.”

      “I think we should,” he replied, not touching her but so close he felt her nearness like a magnetic field.

      “I can’t have kids,” she said, folding and refolding. “That’s really all there is to it.”

      “Because of the accident?”

      She turned around and faced him. “Yes.” A simple response to a complicated situation. And not nearly enough. He looked at her and she continued. “I had a lot of internal injuries. The doctors told me I have about a ten-percent chance of ever carrying a baby to full term.”

      He stared at her. “So you can get pregnant?”

      Obviously not the question she was expecting. “Well—yes, I suppose. I just can’t stay pregnant.”

      “Then we did the right thing by stopping.”

      “I guess we did,” she said stiffly.

      Noah took the blanket from her. “We did, Callie. Come on,” he said quietly. “The tide is coming in, we should get going.”

      They barely spoke on the trip back. When he dropped her home he stayed for a coffee he didn’t really want. On the porch, with Tessa at his feet, Noah felt the tension of unfulfilled desire beat between them like a drum.

      “You were right,” she said unsteadily before she sipped her coffee. “We were sensible to stop. I don’t think I could bear to get pregnant only to lose … to … well, you know what I mean. I guess that’s why I tell myself I can’t have children. It’s easier to cope with.”

      “Ten percent is still ten percent,” he said soothingly. “It’s a chance.”

      She shook her head. “No. It’s too big a risk. I didn’t really think a lot about children before I found out I was expecting Ryan. I guess I just took it for granted.” His gaze narrowed and she explained. “The feeling that a little piece of you keeps going on because of your children … It wasn’t until I was told I wouldn’t be a mother again that I realized just how much I really wanted it.” She sighed heavily. “One of life’s base instincts, I suppose.”

      Noah set down his mug and grasped her hand. “There are many ways to become a parent, Callie,” he said and suddenly felt like spilling his guts and telling her everything about his disastrous marriage and Margaret’s infidelity.

      She shrugged. “I suppose.”

      It wasn’t the response he hoped for. “You don’t believe that?”

      “I think … I think someone with four children wouldn’t really know what I feel.”

      He stood up and walked to the stairs, turning around to face her with his hands on his hips. “And you once accused me of being arrogant,” he said pointedly.

      “What does that mean?”

      “It means that you didn’t corner the market on lousy relationships.”

      “I didn’t say I had.”

      “But you imply it,” he said quietly, completely frustrated. “I’m not going to pretend to fully grasp what it must have been like for you to lose your baby … or how it feels knowing you might never have another child. But despite what you might think, I do know a bit about disappointment … and loss.”

      Her blue eyes shone. “Because of your wife?”

      “Because I married a woman I didn’t love and who didn’t love me,” he replied. “And she spent the next ten years punishing us both for it. But I stuck with it because I’d made a commitment and I felt I owed my children a chance at a normal life with parents who stayed together.” Noah dropped his arms to his sides. “It was a train wreck from the very beginning.”

      “But you stayed?”

      “I stayed for the kids,” he said honestly. “They needed me.”

      She stood up and reached him in a couple of steps. “You were right to stay,” she said. “For Lily’s sake especially. She’s afraid, you know. Afraid you might leave.”

      Noah’s chest hurt. “She said that to you?”

      “She implied it. I think Lily is frightened things are changing.”

      “Change is inevitable, though.”

      Callie nodded. “I suppose. I’m not an expert on teenage girls, Noah, but I was one once. And in a way I understand what Lily is feeling. My father was sick for a long time before he died. And even though I knew my mom wasn’t sick and wouldn’t die, too, part of me always feared that she might. So maybe you simply need to talk to Lily and tell her you’re not going anywhere.”

      Strange СКАЧАТЬ