Black Jade. David Zindell

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СКАЧАТЬ though, that the Ieldra abide the evil of the world because out of it, sometimes, comes great good. But once all is fallen into darkness, forever, what would be the purpose of making everything suffer without redemption or end?’

      What, indeed? I wondered, as I thought of my mother hanging all broken and bloody from a plank of wood.

      As Maram continued playing with the chess piece, Abrasax looked at me and said, ‘I think we have an answer to both Sar Maram’s question and yours. If this king can return from the realm of the unmade, then so can a prince vanquish his fear of death – and so in dying, will not die. But only, I believe, with the help of the Maitreya.’

      ‘If you do believe that,’ I said to him, ‘then for love of the world help us to find him!’

      At this, Master Storr’s fingers closed around his gelstei, and he said, ‘It is for love of the world – and much, much else – that we must be sure of you. Wine poured into a cracked cup not only is wasted but helps destroy the cup.’

      ‘I will not fail!’ I half-shouted at Master Storr.

      ‘Bold words,’ he said to me. ‘But what if you do fail?’

      The room fell quiet as he and the others of the Seven sat regarding me. And then Master Okuth said, ‘If the Maitreya is slain or falls into Morjin’s hands, then we see no hope of Angra Mainyu ever being healed. And so no hope for Ea and all the other worlds of Eluru.’

      ‘The risk is great beyond measure,’ Master Virang said to me. ‘And not just to the world, but to yourself. If you fall into Morjin’s hands, or fall as his master did, then –’

      ‘But we have to take the chance!’ I cried out. ‘Or else we might as well be dead already!’

      For a while everyone sat quite still. The smell of various teas steeping in hot water filled the air. Then Abrasax looked at me with unnerving percipience, and said, ‘Your manner, Valashu, the fire of your eyes, all you have dared and done – this bespeaks the attainment of the highest Valari ideal. And yet I think you find your valor in being drawn to that which you most dread.’

      I said nothing as I tried to return his relentless gaze.

      ‘You would wish,’ he continued, ‘for others to see you as fearless, as you would like to see yourself. But you fear this neverness that Prince Maram has told of so terribly, don’t you?’

      I could hardly look at him as I nodded my head and said, ‘Yes.’

      ‘And you fear, too,’ Abrasax said as the others of the Seven bent closer to me, ‘that Morjin will be the one to damn you to exile in this lightless land?’

      Yes, yes, yes! And as I feared, so I hated; and as I hated, my heart ached with a black, bitter wrath that poisoned my blood and darkened everything I held inside as beautiful and good. How I longed to take a sword to this dreadful disease that consumed me! But I could not, as I might rid myself of a rotting limb, simply cut it out.

      ‘And most of all,’ Abrasax said, looking at me deeply, ‘you fear your hatred of Morjin.’

      ‘It is killing me!’ I called out.

      The fury that poured out of me beat against Liljana, Master Juwain and the others sitting close to me with the force of a raging river. It caught up the seven Masters, as well. Their faces fell ashen and sick, and Master Storr gripped the edge of his table as if to keep himself from being swept away. And then Master Juwain placed his hand on the center of my back, and I drew in three long, deep breaths.

      ‘You see,’ Abrasax said to me, ‘your hate is a terrible thing, and we fear it, too.’

      ‘I’m sorry,’ I finally gasped out. ‘I would have done better to have been born a lamb or made a gelding!’

      Abrasax’s smile was like a cold bucket of water splashed in my face. And he said, ‘Do not mistake lack of passion for virtue. We must celebrate all the passions, as we do life itself.’

      ‘Even hate?’

      ‘Yes, even that. The virtuous man is not one who doesn’t hate, but he who is in full control of it, as he is all his passions, directing it toward a good end – and by good means.’

      I traded dark looks with Kane then, for Abrasax had pierced to the heart of the conundrum that tormented me. Then I looked back at the Grandmaster and said, ‘Too often it seems that if I don’t give back Morjin evil for evil, he’ll win. And if I do fight this way, evil will still win.’

      ‘It is difficult, I know,’ he told me. ‘But you must find the way to make use of these blazing passions of yours, even the ugly and evil inside yourself, toward a higher end – even as the One does in creating the world. Pour fire the wrong way against a lump of coal and it will burn up and crumble into ashes. Wield fire as the earth does, however, as the sun and stars do, and you will make a diamond. This self-creation is the path of the angels; it is their fundamental duty and test.’

      He came over to my table to pour some tea into my cup, and his steady gaze seemed to remind me that I held the keys to two opposing kingdoms inside my heart: either the wild joy of life or the rage for death.

      Master Storr, who had recovered from my carelessness, pointed his finger at me and said, ‘We’ve all felt this passion of Prince Valashu tonight. With it, in Tria, he slew a man. How long before he slays again?’

      ‘Never!’ I cried out inside the cold castle of my mind. And then, to Master Storr and the others, I said, ‘I have vowed never again to use the valarda this way. And Morjin lives because of this!’

      It might have been more accurate to say that Morjin had survived our last battle because of my hesitation – or because I could no more control my gift than I could a thunderstorm.

      ‘It is strange that Morjin left Argattha at this time,’ Abrasax said to me. ‘Indeed, there is something very strange about your encounter with him. I must believe that it is for the best that you did not slay Morjin with this secret sword of yours. All my understanding of the Law of the One is that the valarda is to be used only for the highest of purposes.’

      Yes, I thought, it should be. To sense in others their deepest desires, to dream their dreams, to share with them my own – how I had longed for this! Yet too often the valarda had been a curse. I felt my heart pressing up against my throat as I said, ‘All my life, I have suffered others’ passions. And now, it seems, I have learned to inflict mine upon them – even to slay.’

      Abrasax regarded me a moment before saying, ‘Surely you must suspect that your sentiments and passions, as powerful as they are, are not sufficient to kill another person?’

      I looked at him in alarm and waited for him to say more.

      ‘Haven’t you ever wondered,’ he asked me, ‘at the true nature of the valarda?’

      ‘Only as long as I could think and feel!’ I told him.

      ‘Then haven’t you ever sensed that your openness to others is only the beginning of openness to much more? Indeed, I believe it leads to the identity with others, ultimately with the entire world. As with the Maitreya.’

      ‘But I am not the Maitreya!’

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