Sons of Macha. John Lenahan

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СКАЧАТЬ with the idea of kicking him in the ribs so he would have something to remember me by. That’s when I saw it. Brendan had emptied the FBI man’s pockets looking for the handcuff key. In a pile on the floor, was scattered change and car keys attached to a keychain that said Porsche.

      ‘I’ve got a better idea.’

      In the parking lot I pressed the fob attached to the keychain and lights on Agent Andy’s white sports car blinked. It was almost like his car was saying ‘Steal me.’ The car, like the special agent’s shoes, was meticulously cleaned and waxed. It wasn’t new but he tried to make it look like it was – right up to the new-car smell air freshener. It was obvious that my torturer loved this vehicle and I was looking forward to smashing it through the front gate. I didn’t get a chance. Brendan wouldn’t let me behind the wheel. He pointed out that he’d been trained in high-speed driving and I had only been driving for a year. I wouldn’t have gotten to smash it into the gate anyway because it was open. We zoomed past a surprised (and soon-to-be unemployed) guard without even a scratch.

      It was a tight fit in the car. I got stuffed in to the back and we broke all Pennsylvania speeding laws. After my incarceration I needed some air, so I reached into the front and pulled the latch for the convertible top. The wind took the roof and ripped it right off the car.

      ‘Oops,’ I said with a smile worthy of Fergal.

      ‘Yeeha!’ Essa whooped.

      I laughed and shouted over the sound of the rushing wind, ‘Where did you learn to do that?’

      ‘Isn’t that what you and Fergal used to do when you were excited?’ Essa said, her grey hair swirling around the car.

      ‘It is – well remembered.’

      Brendan was tearing around the back country road at an alarming speed. I would have thought that Essa would be terrified but she loved it.

      ‘This is like being on dragon-back,’ she shouted. ‘Can everybody go around in contraptions like this?’

      ‘If they go this fast they get in trouble from the police,’ Brendan answered.

      ‘But it’s OK because you are police – right?’

      ‘Not any more,’ Brendan said, ‘I handed in my badge the instant the FBI man hit the wall.’

      Brendan slowed a little bit as we turned onto the narrow roads that led to his house. At last we skidded around a corner and saw Brendan’s mother and daughter waiting for us at the exact place where Brendan and I had arrived from Tir na Nog a week earlier.

      It was the first time I had ever seen Brendan’s daughter. She stood there in a purple tie-dye tee-shirt, a small pack on her back, a white stick in her hand and classic full-sized Ray-Ban sunglasses that took over her whole face.

      Essa quickly busied herself opening the portal. Brendan’s mother, Nora, said, ‘It is very nice to see you again, Conor. Are you OK?’

      ‘I’m fine, Mrs Fallon.’

      I crouched down and addressed Ruby. ‘And you must be Brendan’s little Gem?’

      Ruby straightened up and said, ‘Only Daddy can call me Gem.’

      ‘Oh, sorry. It is very nice to meet you, Miss Fallon.’

      She shot her hand straight out in front of her. ‘It is nice to meet you, Mr O’Neil.’

      We shook. ‘Call me Conor, Mr O’Neil is my dad. Can I call you Ruby?’

      ‘You can call me Miss Fallon.’

      ‘That’s my Gem,’ Brendan said smiling.

      ‘Well, Miss Fallon, I like your shades.’

      Ruby adjusted the huge sunglasses. ‘If they’re good enough for Ray Charles,’ she said, ‘then they’re good enough for me.’

      ‘Indubitably,’ I agreed.

      The sound of distant sirens pulled my attention away from the undersized child in the oversized sunglasses. Essa had started the portal to Tir na Nog – there was an outline hanging in the air but it didn’t look like anything I wanted to step into.

      ‘Pick up the pace, old lady,’ I said. ‘We’ll soon have company.’

      ‘You want to do this, Duir Boy?’ she grumbled. ‘Stepping through an unstable portal is almost as dangerous as calling me “old lady”.’

      ‘Seriously,’ Brendan said. There was concern in his voice. ‘How long?’

      ‘It could be soon if you would allow me to concentrate.’

      Brendan and I left her alone. The noise of the approaching sirens meant the cops were almost there.

      ‘We’ve got a problem,’ Brendan said.

      ‘You think?’

      ‘Essa wields our only non-lethal weapon and she’s busy opening the magic thingy.’

      ‘You missing your bow and arrows?’

      ‘If the cops get here before she finishes they’ll shoot you.’

      ‘Me?’ I said. ‘What about you? How about when they get here, I tell them that this is all your fault, ’cause now that I think about it – it is.’

      ‘I’ve got an idea of how to slow them down,’ Brendan said, ‘if Ruby is game.’

      For the record I thought it was a dreadful idea. And it certainly made it so I can never return to the Real World. When the two cop cars screeched to a halt in the gravel road, Brendan and his mother stood in front of me frantically waving their hands. Three policemen and Special Agent Murano all got out – guns drawn.

      ‘Don’t shoot,’ Brendan shouted. ‘He’s got my daughter.’

      What the cops saw was me holding a knife to little Ruby’s throat. Actually it was the nail file from Brendan’s Swiss army knife but hopefully none of the cops’ eyesight was good enough to notice that.

      ‘Stand back coppers,’ I said in my best Jimmy Cagney voice, ‘or I’ll let the girl have it.’

      That was Ruby’s cue to let loose what her father called one of her ‘migraine screams’. Despite the name, I was unprepared for the ear bleeding, high-pitched volume of the screech. I almost dropped the knife and I’m sure that every dog in a five-mile radius ran underneath a sofa.

      ‘Ow,’ I said.

      Brendan turned around and whispered, ‘Told you so.’

      ‘Take it easy, O’Neil,’ one of the policemen shouted.

      ‘I don’t want to talk to you. I want to talk to The Shrink.’

      ‘OK, O’Neil, we’ll get you a psychologist,’ the cop replied. СКАЧАТЬ