Idiots are invincible. Dr Ro
Чтение книги онлайн.
Читать онлайн книгу Idiots are invincible - Dr Ro страница 4
Название: Idiots are invincible
Автор: Dr Ro
Издательство: Eksmo Digital
Жанр: О бизнесе популярно
isbn:
isbn:
Stress is when you wake up screaming … and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet! – Anonymous
ONCE UPON a time, in a small south European country, I gave a talk to Greek repatriates from Russia.
During the lecture, answering my questions they complained of numerous problems. They were unemployed, lived in basement apartments, had no health insurance for themselves or their loved ones, and were discriminated against and treated poorly.
I was stunned. I had just returned from my postgraduate studies in Australia, where living standards and the quality of life are comparably high, and certain things that in other nations are considered luxuries are taken for granted.
Since that day, I have talked to various audiences – several thousands of people in total. I have addressed entrepreneurs whose businesses were generating millions of Euros. They also told me they had numerous problems and a lot of stress because … they had lots of money! I came to think that money, or the lack of it, may not be the real problem.
Is this a problem or what: Which one should I buy?
I asked an old classmate how he was doing. He replied sadly that he had no work. On the other hand, I am constantly complaining that I have too much work. I realised that work may not be the main source of stress either.
Some people believe that if they had a car, their life would be easier. Those (at least in large and populated cities) who own a car start cursing the moment they have to use it and drive to their destination. They automatically think of the traffic and the stress related to searching for somewhere to park.
I was now officially confused.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
I always begin my talks by asking participants to evaluate their mood at that moment, using a Likert scale from 1 = excellent to 5 = lousy. As you can probably guess, replies vary substantially.
Story: I’ve got her/him to hug …
A couple of years ago, I was lecturing to my students at City College. “Well, how are they feeling?” you might well ask. On the other hand, you may not. Whether you ask or not, I will tell you. How would you expect them to feel? Poor students … Most of them stated that, other than the burden of studying, they were still single although they really wished they had a partner, someone to hug during those quiet or … restless … nights that seem to last forever. I must add at this point that some of the students confessed that they faced problems because they had too many partners to hug, and that their nights were not only not quiet, but they were never enough either.
“Relationships,” I thought, “what an important area! It might well be the most important facet in all of our lives. Besides, whenever I run a counselling session – irrespective of the nature of the problem that prompted the discussion – we almost always end up dealing with interpersonal relationships.” Isn’t that interesting?
Another group of people confirmed my theory about the importance of relationships, in an unexpected way. For a number of years, I taught on a lifelong learning program for 40 to 60-year-young teachers. I made the mistake of asking them about their lives.
“How are you guys doing?”
While my 20-year-old students moaned and groaned about not having anyone to hug, this group responded:
“How do you think we’re doing? Lousy!”
The married teachers eagerly added in an effort to explain:
“We’ve got him/her to hug,” pointing at each other.
I've got HER to hug …
Money, work, relationships … the major sources of stress. If not these, then what is it that makes us feel the way we do?
Continuing from the initial exercise, I collect all the “how are you feeling” answers and explain jokingly that those who scored high (1 = excellent, 2 = pretty good) are allowed to leave the class; the rest should stay … because they need me!
My next question relates to the cause:
“Why do you think you are feeling the way you do?”
Some look at me puzzled. Others rush to answer. Replies are usually attempts to offer reasons (excuses), such as:
“I haven’t had my first coffee yet. I haven’t slept well or enough. I have relationship problems. I am too busy/overworked, tired, drained, shuttered, wiped out, worn out, exhausted.”
To these complaints, I exclaim:
“Well, what about the weather? You forgot the weather! Doesn’t the weather affect our mood?”
“Of course,” they hasten to add, agreeing and nodding positively. And they wonder: “How could we have forgotten about the weather?”
Does the weather really affect us?
Well, I usually feel miserable and unhappy. However, when the weather is good my mood changes. I feel … unhappy and miserable. – Arkas
Personal observations indicate that the same individuals who whinge about the weather in winter “Damn! It is cold and it’s raining again. They promised me it would not rain!”, also complain in the spring and summer “Whew! I cannot stand the heat; I am fed up, what lousy weather! Must be the bloody greenhouse effect.”
As we will see later on, the weather can indeed affect our mood. Yet, those who complain have not realized that they can change the weather. Have you? No? Then hang on in there a while.
The next question I ask participants, and now you my dear readers, is:
“Okay, how long do you think you will remain in the present state and mood?”
“… Huh? … Well, I guess until the problems are resolved.”
“What if you never get the job you deserve, or the house, or the car of your dreams? Will you carry on complaining, being negative and unhappy for the next 10, 20, or 30 years? Let me know, so I can find someone else to hang out with.”
Dead silence …
The silence that follows gives me the impression that I have made my point. However, there is still work to be done. Stay with me.
Like you, I have often wondered about the real factors that affect the way we feel. I think I have come up with a good answer. You can read about it later on, in the section that refers to stress management techniques (Chapter 5).
WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT?
Put your thinking hat on:
“What’s more important: how much money we have, how much knowledge we have, or how we feel?”
When I had to answer the СКАЧАТЬ