Mail Order Massacres. Hunter Shea

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СКАЧАТЬ the sea serpent home with tepid water.”

      Patrick’s eyebrow shot up. “What the heck is tepid water?”

      “It can’t mean hot. Or cold. Wouldn’t that kill the sea serpents?”

      “Maybe it’s a special kind of water. You ever see tepid water at the store?”

      David turned on the faucet. “We’ll just add room temperature water. It works for regular fish.”

      “If you say so. You better not kill them before they’ve had a chance to hatch or grow or whatever they do.”

      Patrick pinched one of the packets between his thumb and forefinger. It said: AMAZING SEA SERPENTS!

      “How the heck can sea serpents be in here?” He shook the packet. It sounded as if it were filled with pepper.

      “They’re supposed to grow when they hit the water, bozak,” David replied. He had the water all the way to the fill line. “Now, I have to add three drops to the water and we wait ten minutes.”

      The other packet was labeled: FOOD.

      There didn’t seem to be much of it. If these things were going to grow to look like they did in the comics, surely they’d need more than that.

      Patrick was beginning to feel that his parents were right.

      When it was time to open the sea serpent pack, he was dubious at best.

      “What the hell?” David said as Patrick emptied the contents—tiny granules that looked like dark sand pebbles—into the tank. They floated for a moment, then sank lazily to the bottom.

      “Well, there goes the serpent dust,” David said.

      “There’s no way those things are gonna grow into sea serpents.”

      “They look more like fish food, not fish.”

      Patrick read the food packet, opening a corner and spilling some into the palm of his hand. The red flakes, each so small it could fit in the groove of a fingerprint, smelled like low tide at Orchard Beach.

      “It says we don’t feed them until they’ve had a week to grow.”

      David pinched his nose. “That reeks! Wash your hands, man. I don’t think we’re gonna have anything in a week to feed.”

      Patrick scrubbed his hands clean.

      The boys knelt close to the tank, watching the little black balls sit motionless.

      “You think we got ripped off?” Patrick said.

      “I don’t know. I hope not. Look, we’ll just leave them here and check on them every day. Maybe they’ll surprise us.”

      “And where’s the city they’re supposed to live in? I thought we’d at least get some little buildings and stuff.”

      David chuckled. “Maybe once they grow, they’ll build it themselves. Come on, let’s go see if Mike will let us in his pool.”

      The Amazing Sea Serpents were left on the drain board, but were never far from their minds.

      Chapter Three

      To their amazement, life did spring from the packet of serpent dust.

      It just wasn’t anywhere near what they thought it would be.

      Within five days, there were half a dozen wriggling, gray spermy things swimming about. They were a far cry from the smiling Amazing Sea Serpents in the comics.

      “Maybe they’ll get a lot bigger once we start feeding them,” Patrick said, amazed but disappointed.

      “Let’s just feed them now.”

      “It said we have to wait seven days.”

      David unfolded the corner of the food packet and sprinkled half in the tank. The rank odor made them both back away.

      “There, now let’s see how fast they grow,” he said.

      “I hope they smell better when they’re bigger,” Patrick said.

      The fledgling sea serpents didn’t rise to the top to get at the food. They just kept pulsating in the water, ignorant to the bounty above them.

      “I guess those are all dead ones,” Patrick said, pointing to all of the black balls of sludge at the bottom. Oddly enough, the dead ones were bigger than the living specks.

      “Or maybe they’re sea serpent shit. Get one on your finger and smell it.”

      “You sniff sea serpent shit.”

      “No freaking way. If it smells as bad as the food, I’ll throw up,” David said.

      “If it smells as bad as your farts, I’ll throw up, too.”

      Baseball camp started for the boys and it was five days before they checked on the sea serpents again.

      The second they entered the kitchen, they stopped dead in their Keds.

      Patrick waved at the air. “Whoa, it smells like your mother’s cabbage.”

      “Or a dead mouse. Jeez.”

      The closer they got to the sea serpent tank, the more they realized exactly where the stench was coming from.

      “Well, that’s interesting,” David said. He picked the tank up, bringing it close to his face while pinching his nose shut. Some of the water had evaporated. It was getting so murky, they could barely see the living sea serpents.

      “Only three left,” Patrick said. “And they’re the same size as they were last week. I can’t believe our parents were right.”

      “Yeah, but look at this.” David pointed to the bottom of the serpent tank. It was filled with the black sludge balls. They had tripled in size. “Their shit keeps growing!”

      “They’re just absorbing the water. …I think.” Patrick tucked the collar of his shirt over his nose to filter out the heady sea serpent aroma.

      “We gotta get these things out of here. If my mother or father come down here and smell this, they’re going to kill me.”

      “Should we flush them?” Patrick felt bad about killing the three sea serpents that had survived, but not bad enough to stop David.

      “What if the toilet backs up? Then they’ll be all over the floor. I have a better idea.”

      Patrick followed David out of the house. They marched down the block, stopping above the sewer grate on the corner. This was the same sewer they fished tennis and Wiffle balls out of with coat hangers, the balls covered in muck but good enough to play with after a thorough soaking in a bucket of hot water and laundry detergent.

      All of the fathers also used the sewer to dump used motor oil, old СКАЧАТЬ