Cause Of Fear. Robert Ross

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ his swing set. Linda watches as Julia leads him in to his father, cooing little reassurances over him.

      “I’m sorry,” Linda tells Geoff later, behind the closed door of the master bedroom. “I’m sorry it all came out that way. I know I should have waited for you but—”

      “It sounds as if Josh was asking for it,” Geoff says.

      “No. He deserved to hear it from you. I just lost it.”

      Geoff sits down on the side of the bed and puts his face in his hands. “Maybe we shouldn’t have come here. There are too many memories of his mother here.” He slams his fist into his palm. “I’ve talked with him, Linda. I’ve asked him to give you a chance—”

      “Oh, Geoff, it’s easy to see why it troubles him. Yes, he’s angry and hostile. But he’s a little boy abandoned by his mother. “She sighs, sitting down beside him. “We can still salvage this weekend. We’ll make it work.”

      He looks at her with sheer adoration. “Thank you for not giving up.”

      She kisses him lightly on the lips. “I’m determined to win him over. Even if I did nearly blow it by losing my control.”

      Geoff holds her in his arms. “What was it that set you off? What put you on edge? Was it something Josh said?”

      She remembers the strange, horrible voice that had come out of his mouth. The sinister phrase: My mother won’t let you. But she can’t pin her state of mind on the boy. Linda’s nerves had already been rattled by that thing she saw in the lilac bushes.

      The dead boy.

      The dead, burned boy wearing Josh’s clothes.

      No. She didn’t see that. She only thought she saw that.

      She does her best to cover up. “I—I guess I was still—oh, I don’t know—a little on edge from that dream. The same one that made me cry out at dinner last night.”

      Geoff looks at her with concern. “Did you call your doctor?”

      “No.”

      “Sweetheart, I know the situation with Josh is causing you anxiety. That must be what’s making you so jittery.”

      She smiles. “Megan suggests Xanax.”

      He smiles back at her. “Hey, if it helps…”

      “I’ve never been a nervous person before,” she tells him. That’s not entirely true: anxiety is no stranger to her. Self-confidence has never been one of her strong traits, growing up in the shadow of a perfect sister like Karen. In school, Linda never excelled, never thought she could get marks better than Bs. In social situations, she’s often felt anxious—look at that dinner with Jim and Lucy—but never has that anxiety given her hallucinations before, or torn through her dreams like a raging wildfire.

      But she’s never been in love before, either.

      In love with a man far smarter, far more handsome, far more successful than she thought she’d ever find.

      And with a son who seems determined to keep her from achieving the kind of happiness she never thought would be hers anyway.

      “I understand why you’re so anxious,” Geoff says, as if reading her mind. “I see it on your face, darling, every time you’re with Josh. I see the stress. I see the pressure you’re putting on yourself.” He sighs. “I’m sorry Josh is so obstinate.”

      “I meant what I said,” she tells him. “I’m going to win him over. Let’s go downstairs and order pizza and rent whatever video he wants. We’ll make it his night and show him we can be a happy family.”

      “And if he brings up the marriage plans?”

      She smiles wearily. “We’ll acknowledge them, tell him we both love him, and that he’s going to be a part of our life together. That’s what he fears, Geoff. That he’s going to be abandoned again.”

      Geoff nods. “You’re right. I suppose if we can reassure him of that, he’ll be okay.” He slaps his legs. “All right. Let’s go down and find him.”

      Linda wants to believe it will work. She has to believe. All of her dreams depend on Josh finally accepting her—even growing to love her, or at least to like her.

      Still, walking down the stairs she can’t seem to get the face of that dead little boy out of her mind, his scorched, blackened eye sockets staring straight into her soul.

      But Josh refuses to talk. Pepperoni pizza, Buffy the Vampire Slayer videos, chocolate ice cream with peanut butter and hot fudge—none of it does the trick. Geoff asks him if he wants to talk about what Linda told him, but the boy pretends he’s deaf, ignoring his father’s pleas. Linda can see it breaks Geoff’s heart. For a father and son this close, such hostility is almost physically painful. Geoff slumps down on the couch, miserable. Josh plops onto the floor in front of the TV set, stuffing his face with pizza, refusing to look around at either his father or Linda. The only one he responds to is Julia, who seems, Linda thinks, to enjoy the discomfort of the adults.

      After Josh has gone to bed, Linda joins Geoff in the master bedroom. They’ve gone through a charade of pretending to have separate bedrooms for Josh’s benefit. Julia had made quite the scene, insisting the boy not know if his father was “sharing his bed out of wedlock.” The old woman had drawn herself up to her full height, puffing out her chest. “The boy is pure. He mustn’t be corrupted at such a young age.” How old-fashioned she was. How prim and prudish.

      Linda tiptoes past Julia’s room and slips into Geoff’s arms.

      “How come you always smell so good?” she purrs against his skin.

      They make love. Linda revels in the feel of Geoff, his weight on top of her offering such a sense of security and fulfillment. She runs her hands through his thick dark hair, kissing his neck and his ear. He is gentle with her but solid, too, self-assured and certain of his strength. He is the rock Linda has needed for so long, the surety she has craved.

      Why has it been so difficult for her? Lying there in the sleepy afterglow, listening to Geoff breathe, Linda remembers how frightened she’d felt when she first moved to Boston, the sense of displacement, of inadequacy in the face of all these achievers around her. Her college classmates all had grand career plans. Her best girlfriends all came from well-placed Eastern families, assured of post-graduation jobs and, in many cases, marriages. So often Linda would think it should have been her sister Karen who had gone on to college, who left their farm in Michigan for a chance in the Big City. Karen had charisma and confidence to spare. But Karen also ended up married to a chicken-feed salesman.

      “Don’t worry, Linda,” Karen had told her, as Linda adjusted her wedding veil. “You’ll find Mr. Right someday.”

      “Yeah, whatever. Maybe your hubby-to-be has got some chicken-feed salesman buddy….”

      “Do you want me to ask him?”

      Linda scowled. “No, thanks, Karen. I’m okay on my own.”

      “Why don’t you become a career woman? You know, you’re going to move away to a big city and become wealthy and powerful, СКАЧАТЬ