I'm Your Girl. J.J. Murray

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ “Let me get this straight. You’re saying that you hate me?”

      She nods. “With a passion.”

      I sit back. “Then why have you been going out with me?”

      “Just to see.”

      “To see what?”

      “To see if you interested me.” She shrugs. “And you don’t. Sorry.”

      This is messed up! “Then why’d you agree to go out with me tonight?”

      “For the hot wings,” she says, with a soft laugh. “And the view.” She raises her eyebrows. “Isn’t that why you come here, too?”

      Wait a minute. Something weird is happening here. “This is the first time I’ve ever been here, Beth.”

      “Yeah, right.”

      “No, it’s true.” I’d be too embarrassed to eat here by myself, and Hooters is not the place to take a lady if you want to keep her respect.

      Three cheers for Dan! Not. Wait a minute. This means, then, that Dan doesn’t think Beth is a lady…or something like that. I’m getting to be as confused as Dan is.

      Unless she likes good hot wings, I guess, or…she really likes the view.

      Beth waves at yet another server. “I come here all the time.”

      “You come here…all the time.” Oh…shit. I can handle this. “You’re, um, you’re bisexual?” Please say yes! This is every man’s fantasy, and I am definitely a man in need of a fantasy to come true at this time in my—

      “Hell no, Dan. I’m not even bi-curious.” Oh. I guess that’s good. It would be so hard for me to take if she were dumping me for a—

      “I’m a lesbian, Dan. I thought Nancy told you.” Spunky. Outdoorsy. Into hiking. Beth, who looks like an L.L.Bean model with her short, dark hair; high New Hampshire cheekbones; jeans; Timberlands; and blue and black flannel shirt, is a lesbian?

      Gee. What a nice stereotype to see again in a novel. This had better grab me in the next few pages, or I’m going to slam this one.

      I run a checklist through my mind. Beth likes sports. Check that—Beth loves sports. She can quote stats, scores, and sports scandals better than any guy I know. She plays on a softball team and everything, and she even played field hockey in college. Lesbians wielding sticks? Wait, they’re curved sticks. Nothing phallic there. And so what if she wears flannel shirts; I mean, I know it’s a stereotype and all, but I wear flannel shirts. And no one can drink more beer, belch louder, or—

      Geez, she’s more of a guy than I am. About the only thing she hasn’t done is light some farts, though I did see a lighter in her bathroom.

      Dan sounds like a fraternity boy. I hated the frat boys at Purdue. All their secret this and that was just cover for their insecurities.

      And not a single one of them ever asked me out.

      And she did ask if I had a cute sister. How’d that conversation go? “You have a sister?” Beth had said. I had said, “Yes.” Beth had smiled and said, “Is she cute?” Hmm. I should have connected the dots with those two questions.

      “Uh-duh,” I say.

      “No, uh, Beth, Nancy didn’t tell me that you were a, an, um—”

      “A dyke.”

      So glad she said it instead of me. Oh, sure, I was thinking the word, but I would never say it. To a woman, anyway. There were a few in the service with me, but every one of them could have kicked my ass. Come to think of it, even the nonlesbian women in the Marines could have kicked my ass.

      Dan’s wimpy. Or at least he says he is. I bet he can handle himself. Or, rather, I hope he can handle himself. The sister on the cover looks rugged.

      And as for Nancy, the bitch, we’re going to have a long talk. Nancy is still trying to get me back for that one-night stand two years ago. I mean, other than teaching fourth-graders in the same building together, we have absolutely nothing in common. Except for that bottle of vodka. And the whipped cream. Oh, and the peanut butter. And the ice cream. Good thing I was out of Hershey’s syrup or the stains never would have come out of the comforter while we made our “ba-Nancy split.” I still have a little peanut butter stain on the wall. Something about peanut oil on latex paint not coming out. Why did we—oh, yeah. Jewel had just broken up with me, and I had no self-control that night, and I was hungry, and I do have a sweet tooth, but—

      So far, Dan is clueless, unscrupulous, and loveless. And he’s an elementary school teacher? Would any sister—or any woman for that matter—be interested in that combination? I don’t think so. This writer flunked characterization—and logic—in a big way.

      Beth pats my hand. “Don’t worry, Dan. But, hey, you never know. Things might work out for you in the end.”

      “They, uh, might work out how?”

      “One can always hope.”

      “Hope for what?”

      Darcy chooses this moment to return with our check, and Darcy is doing that tongue-flicking thing. In Beth’s direction. And it’s sexy as hell. Either chapped lips must be catching or…

      No…way. Was I just bait for a lesbian hookup? No wonder Beth said that she wanted to meet me here.

      Darcy hands the check to me and slides a slip of paper to Beth. Beth peeks at the slip of paper and nods at Darcy.

      “Have a nice evening, y’all,” Darcy says.

      “You know we will,” Beth says, and Darcy walks away, occasionally looking back at Beth.

      Beth gathers her coat. “Sorry, Dan.”

      “Wait a minute,” I say. “Where are you going? What just happened?”

      She stands. “I have a date.”

      “With whom?”

      “With Darcy. Haven’t you been paying attention?”

      My dinner date has just picked up our server for a night of tongue flicking. “You and Darcy are going to…”

      Beth nods.

      “Just like that?” And I’m not invited?

      She slips into her coat. “Hey, Dan, I tried to include you, but Darcy isn’t into that.”

      “Into what?”

      Beth squints. “I thought you were from California.”

      “Yeah, but that was a long time ago, and just what does being from California have to do with this?”

      Beth shakes her head. “I gotta go get ready.”

      “And you’re leaving me with СКАЧАТЬ