Kissing Santa Claus. Jill Shalvis

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СКАЧАТЬ his arms, the pink in her cheeks now looking to be more from embarrassment than the blush of a woman flattered by his attention.

      “No, no, wait.” He pulled her in close, reluctant to let her put any more space between them, both because having her there felt all kinds of right and because he was afraid she’d start building walls if he gave her half a chance. They were down now, as were his…and he was determined to keep them that way.

      “What I was trying to say was, I want you, but not on the counter of your mother’s store. Trust me, another thirty seconds, and—” He broke off as his body surged with approval for that idea. He dipped his chin, took a steadying breath, then looked back at her. And suddenly, whatever he said next took on amazing levels of importance. Crazy as it sounded, crazier as it felt, it was like he was potentially making or breaking his entire future in that one, singular moment. “Holly, I want a chance. That’s what I came here to tell you. I can’t explain it, and maybe you think I’m crazy, but I—”

      “I don’t think you’re crazy,” she said, her voice quieter now, but the look in her eyes said a whole lot more was going on that her tone was not belying.

      “I just didn’t want to move so fast that we mistook one thing for another. I want you, but I want you deliberately, with very specific intent, and I want that first time to be in a place where we can both explore and figure out what…what this is. What it could be. Do you understand?”

      She looked at him for a long time, and he’d never felt so at a disadvantage, like there simply weren’t words available that would put the chaos and irrationality of all the things going on inside his head into some sort of sane, logical order. Because this wasn’t sane. He’d wanted a kiss, a chance, a conversation, perhaps. But one taste, one touch, one of those tiny little noises she’d made and it was like…wow, he couldn’t even describe it to himself.

      “Yes, I do. And I want to,” she said, at length. “But…I don’t know, Sean. I—the timing, it’s—”

      “It’s now,” he said, never more sure of anything. It was stunning, really, the certainty he felt. Stunning and crazy-town crazy. And then he was blurting it all out, which was probably the stupidest thing he could ever do. But this was his one shot, his one chance, and he wasn’t blowing it this time.

      “I know it sounds crazy, and it should because it is, but I’m banking that maybe, if you’re really just honest with yourself, you’ll agree it’s the same with you. That kiss…that was real and honest, and it wasn’t just a hello-get-to-know-you kiss, was it,” he stated, not even making it a question, because in his mind, it wasn’t. “It was something else, like a waited-a-lifetime-for-that-kiss kiss, you know? And maybe I’ve always known that it would be that way with us.” He was babbling now, and he didn’t care, couldn’t stop. “Maybe that’s why, as a teenager, I couldn’t approach you. I wasn’t even close to ready at that point in my life to tackle something so important, so potentially life altering. And on some level, maybe I knew that. Maybe I always knew it would be big. Extraordinary. Or maybe things really just do happen when they’re supposed to.”

      She wasn’t looking at him like he was crazy, so that was one good thing, but her expression was shuttering, and he panicked, a little.

      “No, no, don’t do that. Don’t shut me out. I know this is way over the top, but it’s like…you’ll run back to London if I don’t say something to make you stay and give me a chance, and so I’m just saying everything that’s popping into my head, and I know it’s too much and I know—”

      She shut him off with a kiss.

      He grabbed her face and kissed her back, but there wasn’t a promise there, in hers, not yet. And she pulled back before they could fall off that cliff again. “Sean…” She paused and took a moment to collect herself, and he wanted to see her eyes so he could gauge what she was thinking, but he let her have the time to compose herself, her thoughts, and waited, which was perhaps the longest few seconds of his life. She looked up again, and there wasn’t regret, so his heart stayed hopeful. “I’m interested, too. I am.”

      “But?” And his heart paused. Clutched, really. Because Holly Bennett wasn’t a second chance, change-her-mind kind of woman.

      “But…I don’t know. I don’t know you. I don’t know where my life is taking me. I think I might have a solution for the store, but it’s not one that will keep me here.”

      How did a man stand there and explain to a woman who was perfectly right when she said she didn’t really know him, that he was the only one in the universe she truly needed to know, because he was hers. Meant for, had to be, once in a lifetime hers.

      Because…that was crazy. And he wasn’t.

      “Do you believe in fate?” he asked, wanting logic, linear thought, and progression, but knowing there wasn’t any.

      “I don’t know what I believe in.”

      “Your job, in London. Do you miss it? Is it something you could see yourself doing here?”

      She didn’t answer him right away. But no warmth had entered her eyes, no natural affection or fondness, when he’d mentioned it. Which he knew wasn’t the case when he thought of Gallagher’s. He loved his place in the world. But did he have the right to ask her to consider abdicating hers to give him a chance? And what did he really have to offer her? She didn’t want the shop, she wanted…he hadn’t a clue. Maybe she didn’t, either. But his life he did know, and it was a crazy one with crazy hours, filled with crazier people, most of them blood relations, so…what on earth made him think she’d willingly sign on to that? Even if London wasn’t calling her passionately…at least it was a known quantity, a safe, reasonable alternative. She hadn’t come back here because she wanted to be here…she’d come back because she was forced into it.

      So, it would seem, the very last thing he should be doing was forcing her to do that all over again, just to be with him.

      “I’m good at it,” she said at length. “I don’t know that I’d want to start all over again doing it here, though.”

      Good at it. Not that she loved it, or was passionate about it, but good at it. “Is that enough for you? Doing something because you’re good at it?”

      She lifted a shoulder. “It’s what it is. I don’t hate it. And…it’s always there while I figure things out. I don’t have another back up plan.”

      Me, he wanted to shout. Let me be your back up plan.

      “This other alternative solution for the store…how long do you think you’ll be here, sorting that out, if it works?”

      “I don’t know. I took my annual leave to come here. I have through the new year. Then I have to go back.”

      “Would you be willing to sort through this—us—while you’re here? See where it might go?”

      Had he not been looking closely, he might have missed that leap of want, that instinctive reaction of delight, at his suggestion. He latched on to that. Holly might not want to admit her secret desires, or that she could reach for a new star…even to herself. But she wanted to.

      “I don’t want to lead you on,” she said. “Or myself. Just because we’re both interested—”

      “Should be reason enough for any two people to explore what might be. It’s not СКАЧАТЬ