Lucifer's Daughter. V. J. Banis

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СКАЧАТЬ sound of the fiendish laugh.

      “Come on, kids,” Margaret called gaily. “I haven’t tried for a brass ring in years.”

      Margaret and Allyson giggled and went toward the ticket booth.

      “Come on, Julia,” Elizabeth said, tugging at Julia’s arm.

      Julia resisted. “No, you go ahead, Liz. Those things make me dizzy. I’ll only wind up sick to my stomach.”

      Elizabeth shrugged. “Suit yourself,” she said and ran to catch up with the others.

      Julia watched the three of them huddled together, giggling, gossiping. They never once looked in her direction. They waited until the carousel stopped spinning, then rushed for the flashy wooden horses that suited their personalities. Even when the merry-go-round started up and they went past her several times, none of them thought to wave or call to her. They were too busy having fun to think about her.

      What am I doing here, anyway? Julia asked herself glumly. She tried hard not to watch the twirling platform. She was going to get sick if she didn’t stop staring at it. But she was waiting. She was waiting for one of them—any one of them—to call out to her...to wave...anything...just some sign to say they knew she was there.

      Allyson’s long, blonde hair was streaming out behind her while Margaret and Elizabeth shrieked with laughter as they reached far out to snatch at the arm that fed them rings.

      Maybe they’ll fall off.

      Stop it! Don’t think such things!

      Julia heard Margaret hoot. She held up a brass ring. But she didn’t hold it up for Julia to see; she was showing it proudly to Allyson and Elizabeth.

      Slowly Julia turned and strolled a short distance away. They didn’t want to bother with her. What was she doing here with them, anyway? she asked herself again.

      They’re jealous of you because you’re prettier than they are, the brooding, smooth voice inside her head told her.

      Oh, come off it, Julia. Sure, you’re pretty, but they want to have fun. They’re not jealous of you. Cheer up. They like you. Everybody likes you, the other voice told her.

      No, they don’t. They’re jealous of you. You’re younger and prettier. They’re jealous...jealous...jealous.

      Be quiet, the other voice argued. Let the girl alone.

      “Stop it, both of you,” Julia shouted. Several people looked at her. Her face reddened. She turned and pretended to study an advertisement for a rock concert and fireworks display scheduled for the weekend.

      Why did I come? she asked herself. They were only being polite in inviting me. They didn’t want me along. Why had I accepted? They were embarrassed just because I was there when Margaret made the slip. They invited me out of politeness, that’s all.

      “Oh, that was fun,” Allyson called as the three of them came toward her.

      “You should have come along,” Elizabeth said.

      “I got the brass ring,” Margaret put in.

      “Yes, I saw,” Julia answered, forcing herself to smile. “But I’m afraid those things make me dizzy. I get sick.”

      None of the three said anything. They went silent. Their gaiety seemed suddenly dimmed.

      What did I say? Why is it a pall seems to come over everything every time I open my mouth?

      “Oh, look. Candy apples. Anybody hungry?” Elizabeth asked.

      Julia didn’t answer. She just shook her head. She wasn’t going to chance saying anything. She hated candy apples. She’d broken a tooth on one once and it ached for weeks before the people at the orphanage got around to sending her to a dentist.

      “What’s the matter, Julia? Don’t tell me you’re afraid to spoil that flawless complexion of yours?” Margaret said.

      Don’t take sarcasm, Julia. Tell her off, the slurring, whining voice said. Julia bit down on her lower lip. “I’m just not hungry,” she managed to say.

      Again the three girls dashed away and Julia was left with arguing voices that kept echoing inside her head.

      She felt strange, standing there in the ebb and flow of people who moved in every conceivable direction. She just stood there and let herself be jostled by the crowd.

      Her world was so far, far away from this place, she thought. And her world wasn’t the chrome-and-glass skyscraper where she worked with Allyson, Elizabeth, and Margaret. Her world wasn’t in that sprawling, smog-choked city with its screeching taxi cabs and snaking, dirty subway trains. She almost missed the quietness of the orphanage. She didn’t miss the bad tempers and harsh punishments, but she missed the trees, the soft green grass, the sloping meadows, the lazy blue skies. What fun it would be to spend her vacation among open fields, yawning farmlands, soft, warm animals...real animals, not painted, horrible imitations that laughed and leered at her.

      “Watch where you’re going!”

      A fat-stomached man puffing on a cigar banged into her. She hadn’t been moving. She’d been standing still. He had bumped into her.

      “Sorry,” she said softly.

      Why apologize to that big ape?

      Let it go, Julia. Don’t make trouble. Where’s the sense to that?

      “Want a bite?” Elizabeth asked, holding out the crimson apple, so hard, so shiny, so tempting. Julia thought of a snake and a garden. She shook her head.

      “No, thank you.”

      “You feeling okay, Julie?”

      “Yes, I’m fine. I’m a little bushed after that long train ride, I guess,” she told Elizabeth.

      “Do you want to go back to the hotel?”

      Before she could answer, Allyson and Margaret were back. “What’s this about going back to the hotel?” Margaret demanded.

      “Julia’s kind of tired.”

      “Julia’s always kind of tired,” Margaret slurred.

      Tell her off, Julia. Snap her head off.

      Again she bit down on her lower lip. “No, that’s okay. I’m not that tired.”

      She saw Margaret give her a fishy look. Julia felt her hand move out. She was tempted.

      Go ahead, Julia. Slap her smug little face.

      No!

      Julia’s hand dropped to her side.

      “There’s a scary old roller coaster down there,” Allyson said, pointing. “Anybody brave enough to try it?”

      “Not me,” Margaret and Elizabeth answered in unison.

      Julia СКАЧАТЬ