Mr Cleansheets. Adrian Deans

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СКАЧАТЬ nodded in my direction.

      “Mr Judd here is a goalkeeper … not a bad one as I onder-stand.”

      “He’s not registered,” said Ronnie.

      “How long would it take to get ‘im registered?”

      “Don’t know. Couple of days at least.”

      “Could yer look into it, as a personal favour to me?”

      Ronnie glanced down at me, and there was no mistaking the resentment.

      “I’ll see what I can do,” he said. “But— ”

      “So that’s settled then,” interrupted Mervyn. “Bring yer gear on Saturday, Mr Judd.”

      Jaffa was grinning his ginger head off, but Ronnie Wellard was not best pleased.

      * * *

      When I got home, Bernice was just going to bed.

      “Oh, and yer’ve got mail,” she told me, pointing at the computer.

      I sat down and, as she had shown me, clicked on the bolded Doreen Bender:

      FROM: [email protected]

      TO: [email protected]

      SUBJECT: Re: Hello

      Hi Eric, great to hear from you. I’m very honoured to be the recipient of your first ever e-mail. It’s been pretty hectic for me. I’ve been doing some work with the RCM (that’s Royal College of Music) and preparing for the Ley Lines festival at Glastonbury in a couple of weeks. I suppose you’re in Manchester. Maybe we could catch up some time.

      Doreen xx

      “Well, aren’t you going to reply?” asked Bernice, making me jump. I hadn’t realised she was reading over my shoulder.

      “I guess so.”

      Bernice reached for the mouse.

      “Just click on Reply, and there you go.”

      It wasn’t easy writing with Bernice standing there, so I kept it brief:

      FROM: [email protected]

      TO: [email protected]

      SUBJECT: Re: Hello

      Hi Doreen, glad it’s going well.

      I’m actually back in London and playing for Bentham United in the Southern Conference. It didn’t work out with Man United, but no worries.

      Eric

      “Is that all?” demanded Bernice, before I could press Send.

      “Dunno what else to say,” I said, feeling embarrassed and adolescent.

      “Men!” exclaimed Bernice. “Honestly, at the very least, you could tell her you want to catch up.”

      “Oh, okay.”

      “And put kisses in like she did.”

      “Girls can put kisses in,” I replied. “They know it doesn’t mean anything, but if a bloke puts kisses in, it looks like he means it.”

      “The rubbish you talk,” said Bernice. “And why shouldn’t he mean it? Lovely girl sends you kisses and you want to respond wid a formal handshake?”

      “Okay, I’ll put the kisses in.”

      “Put three.”

      I turned and looked up at her.

      “Three? She only put in two! She’ll think I’m out to rape her.”

      “It’s strategy,” winked Bernice. “A small escalation of affection to see if she comes along wid yer.”

      “Okay,” I sighed.

      I added the three kisses.

      FROM: [email protected]

      TO: [email protected]

      SUBJECT: Re: Hello

      Hi Doreen, glad it’s going well.

      I’m actually back in London and playing for Bentham United in the Southern Conference. It didn’t work out with Man United, but no worries.

      I’d like to catch up, when you’re free.

      Eric xxx

      I pressed Send before Bernice could suggest any further complications.

      “It’s all a bit weird, Bernice. She’s not my girlfriend. Shona’s my girlfriend, back in Australia.”

      “So why aren’t you writin’ to her then?”

      “I would, but she doesn’t have a computer.”

      Bernice offered me a chocolate from the bottomless box that seemed always to be by her side.

      “So, which one do you like best?” she enquired, as I perused the little menu and selected a strawberry whorl.

      “I … well, I don’t know. I’ve been with Shona six and a half years but I don’t think we make each other terribly happy. An’ I’ve known Doreen for a day … on an aeroplane.”

      All of a sudden a loud ping rang out from the computer.

      “Yer must’ve made an impression in 24 hours,” said Bernice. “She’s replied already.”

      FROM: [email protected]

       TO: [email protected]

      SUBJECT: Re: Hello

      Hi Eric,

      That’s brilliant you’re in London. What are you doing tomorrow? I’ve got nothing on.

      Love, Doreen xxx

      I could hear Bernice chuckling as she read over my shoulder.

      “It’s your lucky day, Eric. She loves you an’ she’s got nothin’ on.”

      VICISSITUDES O' LIFE

      The Beast was not best pleased.

      The top boys were assembled within the inner sanctum of the Blue Fury chapter house in Hammersmith. Outside, in the lounge, the noise from the young СКАЧАТЬ