Watching. Jeff Edwards

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СКАЧАТЬ I only bought it on a whim. I came here for something else entirely.’

      ‘That was a very expensive whim you had.’

      ‘It will be a good investment for the future.’

      They returned to their discussions until, finally, lot 453 was announced.

      Doug Green announced, ‘Lot 453 is a graphically carved bedroom suite, consisting of four poster bed, dressing table, and wardrobe. All parts are currently disassembled, and ready for transport to its new home. This is a truly remarkable suite of furniture, and would suit the most lavish of residences. What am I bid?’

      ‘Rubbish if you ask me,’ whispered Robert to Jade. ‘No one here owns a palace large enough to take it.’

      Jade was waiting for someone else to make the first bid, trying to gauge what the suite was worth, and if she were prepared to bid sufficient to secure it.

      No one else in the room seemed prepared to bid either.

      Doug Green was having a hard time on the rostrum. ‘Come on ladies and gentlemen. Surly there is someone amongst you that is willing to start. Can someone help me out with a bid of one thousand pounds?’

      Not a bid could be heard.

      ‘Come on, ladies and gentlemen. Surely there’s a bid of a thousand for this fine article.’

      Still nothing was heard.

      ‘My instructions are that the lot must be sold. I’m announcing that there is no reserve. I will accept a starting bid of eight hundred. Who’ll start me at eight hundred?’

      Jade looked around the room. No one seemed to be interested. She wondered if she should commence the bidding.

      Doug Green was getting worried. ‘Five hundred, ladies and gentlemen. Who’ll start us at five hundred. No one? Come on, ladies and gentlemen, we have to start somewhere. Give me a bid. Any bid.’

      ‘Two pounds,’ called out Jade.

      The room erupted. A gale of laughter broke out, as all heads turned in her direction.

      Doug Green went bright red.

      ‘For God’s sake, ladies and gentlemen, this is a serious auction. Who’ll give me a reasonable bid?’

      ‘You said there was no reserve on the lot,’ called a man at the back of the hall. ‘You have to accept the bid.’

      A series of calls in agreement came from various parts of the hall, as the audience settled in to enjoy the discomfort of the auctioneer.

      Doug Green took a drink of water, trying to delay, while he considered his options. He realised that his reputation was now at stake. He had to be as good as his word or lose customers. A loss on this one lot would be hard to take, but in the overall scheme of things, he had to accept the inevitable. As an experienced auctioneer, he knew that the public would like nothing better than to make him look silly, but, if he could get just one other person to bid, then the spell would be broken, and the bidding would proceed.

      Holding on to his dignity as best he could, he said, ‘I’m a man of my word, ladies and gentlemen. We have a bid of two pounds from our young lady from Woolworths. Do I have any advance on two pounds?’

      One of the men in the front row was in the act of raising his arm, when he was savagely elbowed in the side by the man seated beside him. He collapsed with a grunt, as he grabbed at his injured ribs.

      ‘I have a bid of two pounds. Will anyone offer me three pounds?’ pleaded Doug Green. ‘Anyone at all?’

      Laughter from the audience was the only response.

      ‘Please, ladies and gentlemen, three pounds.’

      ‘Knock it down, Dougey,’ came a cry from the middle of the hall.

      Realising that he would get no help, Doug raised his gavel. He was now relying on the innate greed within each person in the hall. He just needed someone to make another bid — anyone. ‘For the first time, do I have any advances on two pounds?’ he said slowly. ‘Going at two pounds for the second time.’ Very slowly, he raised his gavel high, keeping it there, and praying for one more bid. Finally, he could delay no longer, and brought his hammer crashing down. ‘Sold. To the young lady who thinks this is Woolworths.’

      Loud hooting and cheering broke out, as people gathered around Jade, congratulating her. She looked at Robert, who was bent over laughing, tears streaming down his cheeks.

      It took some time for Doug Green to regain order, and to move on to the next lot, consisting of a pair of ceramic dogs. He tried manfully to continue, but finally turned the rostrum over to his assistant, retiring to his small office where he slumped behind his desk, withdrew a bottle from his bottom drawer, and pouring himself a large whiskey.

      Assisted by Robert, Jade made her way to the cashiers, where she paid the princely sum of two pounds for her purchase. Added to that, delivery costs, and incidentals eventually totalled nearly five times the amount of her purchase.

      Collecting her now packaged vase, Jade turned to Robert. ‘I seem to have picked up some bargains today. I had intended to pay somewhat more for the bedroom suite. Perhaps I can interest you in a nice supper with the funds I have left over?’

      ‘A young lady does not ask a gentleman out. She waits to be asked.’

      Jade grinned. ‘But if I waited, then I might miss an opportunity. And I need a gentleman at present. It appears that I am now the owner of a very large bedroom suite in numerous pieces, so I require the services of a handyman to assist me in its assembly.’

      ‘What makes you so sure that I would be able to assist you?’

      ‘I’m not. That’s why I want to take you to supper. To see if you’ll measure up as a handyman.’ Jade smiled.

      Robert regarded the young lady before him. She was not like most of the other women of his acquaintance. Her forthrightness intrigued him, and, if there was one thing that Robert was good at, it was intrigue.

      ‘Well that sounds like an offer I can’t refuse,’ he said, taking her arm, and leading her from the auction room.

      

      As Jade had asked Robert out, she insisted that they dine at a restaurant of Jade’s own choosing. Robert laughed, and agreed, so they ate at the Italian family restaurant that Walter had first taken her to. Robert was impressed with the reception afforded Jade by the staff.

      ‘You certainly know how to get the best of service.’

      ‘Rani is too busy studying, and I’m a terrible cook, so we either eat out a lot, or starve. This place is close to home, and I like to eat here. They look after their regular customers.’

      Over dinner, they made a great deal of small talk, getting to know one another, and realising that they had a great deal in common.

      Jade told him all about her job, and how she had discovered СКАЧАТЬ