Cassandra Behind Closed Doors. Linda Sorpreso

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СКАЧАТЬ you. Remember when you die, I die!”

      The first time I had experienced death was when my Nonno Giuseppe died five years ago. I loved my grandfather but I wasn’t particularly close to him. Unfortunately he had suffered a severe stroke when I was young that paralysed him on the right side of his body and affected his speech. I just wished I’d had a chance to know him, the way my family did, especially since Dad’s father had died years before I was born and I lost the chance of ever having a grandfather.

      I went to the cemetery once with Mum and Zia Sarina. I was looking at Nonno’s photo on his tombstone and instead of seeing his face, I saw my mum’s. I ran to Zia’s car, hysterical. Mum came after me and I begged her to never die. She gave me a long sermon on how I would have to go on with my life when she passed, however I ignored her and declared I would die with her. First, she said ‘yes’, then she realised her mistake and quickly said ‘no’. I hadn’t been to the cemetery since that day and I didn’t plan too any time soon. I couldn’t. The reality check was too real and way too scary.

      “Be quiet. I don’t like you speaking that way.”

      “Whatever Ma, it’s a little late to back out of our pact now.” There was no way I was going to continue on this earth and carry on without her. To me, she was my life.

      “There is no way that’s going to happen Angelina.”

      Laughing, I gave her a final squeeze and then sat on my bed, putting on my gold-hooped earrings that Nonna bought me when she went overseas. I was a bit hesitant in putting them on. They weren’t that big but they still made me look like a gypsy.

      “Yeah, well if you keep calling me ‘Angelina’, then I will let you die on your own,” I said.

      Angelina was her nickname for me since I was a kid and I loathed it. I asked her why she called me that and she didn’t even know the reason herself. Personally, I thought she said it on purpose just to piss me off. She knew how much I hated it and despite how many times I told her to stop, she wouldn’t do it.

      “Good, that’s what I want to hear. I better go and check the food before it burns.”

      As I was putting on my sneakers, I heard a knock at the back door. It squeaked open. “Permesso. ” It was Phillip.

      “Merry Christmas,” I said to Phillip and Lorissa walking into the lounge room.

      “Merry Christmas Bella,” Phillip replied, giving me a quick hug. Another one of my nicknames, even if Phillip was the only one who called me that. This one I liked though, although I knew I wasn’t beautiful.

      I turned towards Adam, who was in Carla’s arms being smothered by kisses. He looked so adorable in his denim overalls and red T-shirt.

      “Hello Adam, give Zia a kiss,” I said. He stared at me, contemplating whether to kiss me. After a moment or two, he gave me a quick peck on the lips. I wiped my mouth. I loved receiving kisses from him, even though they were so sloppy.

      “Can I hold him Carla?” I asked.

      “No, I just got him.”

      “Please. I’ll give him straight back to you.”

      Carla looked at Adam, and then at me. She looked at Adam again. She shook her head.

      “Come on Carla,” I said.

      “Okay!” She handed Adam over to me reluctantly. I sat on the couch, sitting him on my lap, facing him towards me. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to hold Adam as much as I would like to. He was like pass the parcel; I only had a minute with him before he was placed with someone else. The first time I held him, he didn’t feel real to me. He felt like one of those dolls that would laugh or cry whenever you pushed in their stomach. That day, I was just staring at him in amazement, drinking in everything about him. His fingers that were a quarter the size of my own, his chest that was rising up and down in rhythm with his breath and his eyelids that were covering his eyes as he slept in my arms. Then I had to give him back to Lorissa, because he had done a ‘number two’ in his pants and I couldn’t stand the smell any longer.

      That was only about four months ago at Phillip’s brother’s house on the day they returned from the States. I wasn’t allowed to hold him when he was born. Lorissa was paranoid with him, which was understandable because he was her first. I was a little upset at the time because I couldn’t wait to hold him, yet I was glad in a way. He was so tiny, so delicate and I was afraid I would drop him or squeeze him too hard. I had terrible visions of not tilting his head enough or too much and then seeing his neck snap, his head dropping onto the floor like a bowling ball and rolling away. Then I could see Michelle Pfeiffer and the other members from the movie Grease II, kneel-ing on their knees on the side of the lane, chanting ten, nine, eight, seven…all the way to one until Adam’s head knocked down the pins and everyone started dancing and singing Let’s Score Tonight! Maybe I was just being as paranoid as Lorissa but at that moment, I realised I had watched too many horror movies and that I should really stop watching Grease II for a while. Now that Adam was older and bigger, my fears had eased and I felt more comfortable with him.

      “Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream,” I began singing softly, rocking him gently back and forth. Adam started laughing, his brown eyes wide with delight.

      “So, how was the rest of last night?” Lorissa asked, sitting down besides Carla. Lorissa and Phillip had come to Zia Sarina’s last night but because Adam had fallen asleep and it was too noisy, they had left around ten.

      “It was good. We didn’t get home until two o’clock,” Carla replied.

      The music had stopped and my time was up. Phillip suggested we opened the presents because he wanted to videotape Adam before everyone arrived. I gave Adam back to Lorissa and sat back down on the single sofa. Mum came into the room and placed herself on the arm of my chair. Dad stood in the archway while Carla and Abby sorted through the presents.

      “Is the video camera ready Phillip?” Lorissa asked as she sat down on the carpet with Adam.

      “Yes, I’m already filming.”

      I inched my way closer to Mum. I hated being in front of a camera. I was embarrassed and terrified of seeing myself on TV. I’d read somewhere that the camera added an extra five pounds and I was afraid when people saw my fat captured on film, they would make a comment. A couple of years ago, I performed in several plays. Back then, I had hopes of becoming an actress one day. Yet dreams have a way of crashing down in the worst possible ways. In one of my school productions, I didn’t realise they were filming until the last moment and I just froze and looked like a fool in front of everyone. Luckily, it was the last scene or else I would have ruined the entire play. Unfortunately, years later, my fear hadn’t faded and even though I still loved to act, I decided to stick to writing.

      “Mum, Dad, do you want to go first?” Carla asked, picking up their parcel.

      “Okay,” Mum said as she grabbed the gift and handed it to Adam. Lorissa helped Adam unwrap the present. It was a couple of tops and a Thomas the Tank Engine train. Adam immediately grabbed the train and started to roll it along the carpet.

      “Choo choo,” he said. We all laughed. He was too young to understand the meaning of Christmas and gifts but he understood Thomas and trains.

      “Thanks Mum and Dad,” Lorissa said. Carla and Abby were next. They had surrounded him with piles of gifts. СКАЧАТЬ