Sexual Addiction: Wisdom from The Masters. Carol Juergensen Sheets Juergensen Sheets

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СКАЧАТЬ you masturbate in public?

      •Did you exchange sex for drugs?

      •Perhaps you exposed yourself and took a real legal risk of being discovered.

      I remember when I was talking with a woman who thought she was a sex addict. She came to that realization that when she woke up one morning and the man she spent the night with had taken all of her money and her credit cards. He had charged thousands of dollars to her credit card.

      Ask yourself:

      •Have you ever been arrested for lewd behavior?

      •Did inappropriate things in a restroom?

      •Made anonymous calls or sent anonymous emails?

      •Send pictures of yourself or inappropriate pictures of somebody else?

      These are all indicators that your behavior is out of control, and that lends itself to sexual addiction. If any of those things sound like you, you need to get some help. The two most important resources that you can access are starting therapy with a certified sex addiction therapist and joining a Twelve Step program that deals with sex addiction. It may look like Sexaholics Anonymous Step Step groups (SA) or Sex Addiction Anonymous groups (SAA). You can access Twelve Step groups by Googling them. If you no longer have access to the Internet, then you need to talk to your wife, your husband, someone you trust, and say, “Get that information for me.” If there are no meetings in your area, you can always be a part of telephone Twelve Step meetings. There’s no reason you can’t get the help you need.

      Granted, I truly believe that if you’re going to use telemeetings as your #1 support for 12 steps, the process is probably going to be slower. It just is, because face-to-face is always more meaningful and does some of the repair work that you need to do. However, I can’t emphasize enough how important seeking a therapist who has expertise in this is, and finding the support group you need to break through the denial by identifying what your problems are, and identifying what the secrets have been and the consequences of your actions. Think about it; that is the start of getting the help you need.

      Once you realize you have a problem, you don’t have to call it addiction, but you do have to know that it 100 percent interferes with your functioning. Then we ask you to get a sponsor, because you need specific guidance. You need somebody to help you. I recently had a young man who had done really well for a period of about two months. Then he participated again in some behaviors that were similar to those in Thanks for Sharing. He had hidden cameras and had taken pictures of women without their knowledge. What was the first thing he did? He called me. What was the first thing I did? I connected him to another man in the program. This was a young college-age man, and I knew that truly he needed the guidance of somebody wise, somebody who had been there, and somebody who could encourage him to get involved with a Twelve Step program.

      When you’re looking at getting a sponsor, it’s important to find a sponsor who has a lot of recovery time. That can be tough in this field. So ask the guys in your meeting, “Who has the most recovery time in this meeting?” Get the names of five or six people who have years and years of recovery time, because they’re the people you’re going to want to emulate and get some help from. There’s no shame in that. As a matter of fact, you’re more likely to break the denial; share your secrets, your problem, the consequences; and understand your defense mechanisms if you’re with somebody who’s been there, done that. And that is the beauty of having a sponsor.

      So that’s the first Recovery Task; it is breaking the denial. It is important to do that so you can recognize that you do have a sexual addiction. We’ll talk more in future shows about tasks #2–7, but right now, I want to make sure that you have understandably worked through the denial and realized that you truly do have a problem. That’s first and foremost on my list.

      You can always email me at [email protected] with your questions, your concerns, and your situations. I don’t like to do Skype therapy, because I want you in my office or I want you to see somebody face-to-face. Again, that’s the most intensive treatment, but if you’re in an area where you don’t have therapist access, certainly we’ll consult with you so that you begin to get the proper help you need. If it has to be slower because you don’t have access to Twelve Step meetings, you live in the rural areas or countries that are less progressive, or you’re in an area that’s fairly remote, you may not have those resources. You may need to double up on your reading or do meditation and, of course, spend time praying; but those are other recovery tasks. I will get into those later.

      All right, we have to end the show, and as I say on every show, “There will only be one of you at all times, so fearlessly have the courage to be yourself.” But you have to like that self, so it’s important to fearlessly follow through on the tasks to make you the best person ever.

      My guarantee is that if you work it … it will work! And you will live a life that you deserve. We’ll see you next week for more Sex Help with Carol the Coach. Make it a good one.

      CHAPTER 3

      Sex Addicts and Mother Enmeshment Issues

      “Sex Help with Carol the Coach”

      January 6, 2014

      Dr. Ken Adams

      Carol: Do you want to change? Obviously in January, that’s the question that most people ask themselves. However, if you are a sex addict, you know that you’re always undergoing change. That is what you’re striving for. If you’re somebody who is listening to the show for the first, second, or third time, you may still be wondering, do you really have a problem? I’m the one who is here to tell you that if you’re questioning that, you need to go to www.sexhelp.com, take the test, read the literature, and start doing some heavy-duty work on yourself.

      One, you need to meet with a certified sex addiction therapist. Two, start doing some bibliotherapy. I know, you may be one of those people who really doesn’t want to read, but if you have some questions, then you really need to go to my website, www.sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.com, and see what I recommend for reading materials. I recommend only the best, and it can get very confusing what books to read, what’s important, what you should do, and I always say that it is super essential to get support. How do you do that? The easiest way is to contact somebody who is knowledgeable, attend some SAA or SA groups, and take a look at what’s out there to assist you in getting healthy.

      You know I have worked with thousands of people with sexual addiction. They participate in a whole regimen of treatment. There is not one size that fits all. Clearly, if you can get to a certified sex addiction therapist, that’s the way to get the immediate resource available and be directed, or redirected, to additional resources. Sometimes when I’ve worked with somebody, or I’ve done an assessment, I realize that they are just banging their head up against the wall; they’re doing the same thing over and over again; they’re hoping that eventually it will be different and it isn’t. When that occurs, I may need to refer them to an intensive treatment program. That may be a two- to seven-day program to jumpstart their СКАЧАТЬ