Nikao's Psalms. Nikao Faith

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СКАЧАТЬ you see everything I do and say?

      Are you the invisible thread running through this life,

      Sometimes hard to detect but holding all the fragile pieces together?

      You will accomplish your purpose even when I haven't a clue.

      It's scary sometimes you know but I guess you have it all planned.

      The Weight

      It's heavy.

      It is enough.

      I cannot carry it any longer I tell myself.

      My tears flow like a river,

      There is no dam to contain,

      Like a forceful tide they broke through.

      There is nothing that satisfies, no substitutes for what I long for.

      And my heart bleeds.

      I keep hoping that the tears release the toxins of my soul.

      No lover or friend can lighten this load that seems like a permanent addition to my frame.

      The heavy chains are fastened to my heart.

      They say everything gets better in time yet time passes with no relief.

      I continue to hope that the invisible hand orchestrating every event knows best.

      When I think I can't carry one more thing,

      I realize that what I can carry is now much more than before.

      My frame seems bent, distorted under the weight but it must be that my strength is ever increasing.

      Yes, it must be that my capacity increases under the weight.

      Why So Mean?

      Why so mean?

      Why so cruel?

      Your piousness is ungracious.

      Your walls are always up.

      You hold on to everything,

      Anything you think would destroy me.

      Yet you speak peace.

      Your very words defile you.

      Instead of kindness you go out of the way to be mean,

      Yet all the while hiding behind what you purport are good intentions.

      You can't even pretend good to be genuine.

      How much time and energy does it cost to be so mean?

      How do you live dragging 120 pounds every day?

      How do you think you will prosper just by sheer disrespect and disregard?

      You try to operate like I don't exist but can't as your hand still covers the knife in my back.

      How sad.

      All your endeavors are poisoned by your disingenuous motives.

      You take precious gifts in our lives and desecrate them by your bitterness.

      You will meet your brick.

      Because your motives are all tainted by jealousy, fear, insecurity.

      You don't even know how to let go 120 pounds.

      Carry me then, but I know I won't carry you.

      I know I will be free.

      And all that came out of me will be free.

      You will fall into the pit you dug yourself.

      One day soon I will say to you, "Thank you."

      Thank you for making me into a strong black woman.

      Like Lemonade (Empathy)

      I look at you in unbelief.

      Trying to understand your disdain, your underlying hatred.

      How easy it was for this poison to subtly seep into your soul.

      Before we know it, it's like a poisoning of the blood,

      All through and through.

      You can't even see it, blinded by your selfishness.

      I see you but I feel you.

      I know I don't have to know your full story.

      I just pour myself like sugar into your sour water.

      Infused into your world, I see no reason to be this way.

      You must not like yourself too much to use me as your scapegoat.

      I have broad shoulders though.

      Watching you makes me want to guard my own heart.

      Two of us being this way can only destroy what's ours.

      I feel you.

      I pour myself like sugar into your sour water.

      My sweetness infused with your sour will make it easier to swallow for us all.

      Seed Time and Harvest Time

      Power gone to your head!

      How slippery is your season.

      You think you have it all under control,

      Don't you?

      You take your ability to influence, wielding it without discretion,

      Without a conscience,

      Mashing up whoever is in the way.

      You believe you have all power,

      I'm convinced.

      One thing I know though, a life like yours brings a whirlwind harvest.

      Watch your seeds, when they come up,

      They choke us either with blessings or curses.

      You operate like God.

      No one to answer to you say.

      Just because you can do something today,

      Does it mean tomorrow the same?

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