Forgiveness: A Path to Inner Peace - Inspired by A Course in Miracles. Michael Dawson

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      Think of someone you know very well, someone for whom you can list both likes and dislikes. This could be a parent, partner, lover, sister, brother, boss, or friend.

      Now write the name of the person you have chosen as part of the following heading in the top left-hand box on your page:

      The qualities I like about …name… are:

      In the top right hand box, write:

      The qualities I dislike about …name… are:

      Now write at least four or five qualities you like about this person and four or five you dislike about them in the respective columns.

      [If you find you are struggling to get four or five likes and dislikes, add another name to the top boxes and simply continue adding to your lists. The more you write in your columns the more you may learn.]

      Spend a few minutes with this exercise and only when you are finished continue reading.

      Please do not read any further until you have completed your lists, or you will lessen the impact of this exercise!

      Now go back to the top of your lists, cross out the name/s on each side, and

      insert your own name instead.

      The lists now read as the qualities you like and dislike in yourself. Strange? But true! If you did not possess these qualities yourself, to some degree or another, you would not see them in others.

      You may find it difficult to accept some of these qualities depending on the image you have of yourself. For instance, if you have low self-esteem you may find it impossible to believe that all these good qualities are within you. Maybe you find it embarrassing when people appreciate you and will deftly switch the topic of conversation if someone says something complimentary. (If this sounds like you, you can be sure there is hidden guilt waiting to be forgiven. But don’t despair, later on we will look at exercises that can be of help in this process )

      In the same way, the negative attributes you see in the other person must also be in yourself; otherwise, you would not be upset about them. Of course, it’s possible to recognise character faults in another without having them yourself. However, in this exercise you need to list the things that really upset you about the other person. If something someone else does upsets you, this is the red flag that is showing you what is unforgiven in yourself.

      For most of us, a recognition that something we dislike in someone else is actually something we also possess will be actively resisted, because in our minds we feel sure of two things:

      The other person has these particular negative attributes.

      and

      We want them to change these behaviours to ones we prefer.

      That they have these negative attributes may or may not be true, but that is not important. What is important is that on some level you know that what you accuse them of is a reflection of something within you. Take jealousy as an example. Maybe your partner is jealous of your friends and this may mirror your jealousy of those who are wealthier than you. These are simply two different expressions of the same thing.

      There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

      William Shakespeare, Hamlet II.ii.259

      Typically, our conditioning tells us jealousy is wrong, it's bad, and we should not be jealous. Taking on this value judgement, we feel guilty and ashamed and may pretend we do not suffer from it. Or if we do admit we are jealous, then we’ll pacify ourselves that it’s only ‘just a little’. But we know this is not really true, and don't want to face the fact. Consequently, when we see this fault in another we are uncomfortably reminded how – to some degree – we suffer from the same 'sin'.

      When biologists want to understand the life and behaviour of some recently discovered animal species they need to do their work with non-judgemental awareness. Whilst watching the new species they may observe all manner of behaviour, including much that is brutal. For instance, perhaps the male of the species has to be prevented by the female from fighting or devouring their offspring. If biologists become upset and judgemental about the observed animal behaviour, they have lost the required detachment to actually record what is happening and may be tempted to analyse or explain behaviour from a human point of view.

      In the same way, as we judge the facts of our nature we lose the ability to really see what is happening. We may become preoccupied with guilt at what we observe rather than working with acceptance and self-forgiveness. Instead, we quickly try to sweep it all under the carpet where we desperately hope it will be forgotten.

      If we uncover the uncomfortable facts of our nature and resist labeling them as ‘bad’, we do have an opportunity to heal them. Fortunately, opportunities СКАЧАТЬ