Bipolar WINTER. Samuel David Steiner

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СКАЧАТЬ parishioners silently gathered the bodies and carted them away for burial. Slowly, the sun warmed him as it climbed higher in the clear autumn sky, yet he remained slumped and lifeless in his chair. His stomach rumbled, the emptiness adding to his nausea.

      He still had not moved when around midday a small figure dressed in white walked across the lawn toward him. Forcing his hazy vision to focus, Miller finally recognized the young woman as Ellen Harmon. He closed his eyes and said a brief prayer of gratitude that she had not taken her life like so many others. He loved Ellen as if she were his own daughter. Seeing her lifted his spirits immeasurably. She was beautiful to him, despite her disfigured face.

      When she was nine, a classmate had thrown a rock at her, leaving her comatose for nearly a month and scarring her for life. When she finally awoke, she prayed incessantly, asking Jesus for guidance. Three years later, her family joined Miller’s congregation.

      He remembered that day as if it were yesterday. She was so innocent, so willing to turn herself over to God. And despite her youth, she was driven by fear for her immortal soul.

      She reminds me so much of myself .

      As she approached, William stood up from his chair, his legs aching. He waited until she was within hearing range before saying, “Hello.”

      “Good morning,” she greeted him quietly.

      “No…it is not,” he choked out, trying to keep the grief from consuming him again.

      She stopped at the bottom of the porch steps and peered up at him. “I am sorry. Truly, I am, but I have something to share with you.”

      “What is it?” he asked, fearing she brought more bad news. She seemed surprisingly calm, considering the morning’s events.

      “May I join you?”

      He nodded, gesturing to the rocking chair next to his. “I am so glad to see you,” he said, feeling guilty for taking comfort from her presence when so many had suffered due to his mistake.

      “I had a vision.”

      He gaped at her as she climbed the steps and settled into the rocking chair. She has been visited by God? Could she have the answer? Has God told her how I went wrong?

      He quickly returned to his seat and leaned toward her against the arm rest. “Please, tell me,” he breathed. “Do not leave out any detail.”

      “It was while I was visiting some sisters. We were praying together just before sunrise when I felt the power of God wash over me. It was a feeling like nothing I had ever felt before—one I will never forget.” She glanced up, her eyes bright with the memory. “His love and wisdom filled me, and I felt myself rising into the heavens, away from Earth. Me. Not my body, but my spirit. I was shown the Advent People. They were going to the New Jerusalem, the place of eternal joy.”

      William gazed at her then sighed. “I always knew you were special,” he murmured, pride filling him. “You are a prophetess.”

      She nodded. “Yes.”

      Perhaps that was God’s answer—that she was the one to lead the righteous, not him.

      “I am so sorry,” he blurted out. “Can you ever forgive me?”

      “What is to forgive?”

      William dropped his head into his hands. “I failed my people. I failed you.”

      “You did not fail anyone,” she said gently.

      “But so many…” He swallowed hard then tried again. “So many killed themselves.”

      A single tear fell from her eye, and she wiped it away with her slender fingers. “I heard. My heart breaks for them, but that was not God’s plan. They were weak of mind and spirit, and I will pray for their salvation.”

      “But I was their leader,” he choked. “It is my responsibility—”

      “You did not fail your people,” she repeated. “They failed you.”

      Startled by her statement, he straightened and looked at her. “How so?”

      “They should trust you, despite what happened. You are a great man,” she responded, her kind eyes studying him. Then suddenly, her brows furrowed. “You know something, do you not? God gave you vital information and you did not act on it. Why?”

      William’s body trembled. How does she know that?

      She stared at him, her unrelenting eyes penetrating his. “I know because Jesus told me, during my vision. He told me that you would guide me one last time.”

      One last time? He had suspected he was not long for this world. And if God had deemed his time was at hand, he resolved to spend every last moment he had helping Ellen bring the truth to the people.

      “It is true,” he said with renewed hope. “I was given some documents, but I did not realize their importance, and only kept them hidden for fear of my family’s safety. But I will share everything I know with you.”

      “Not now, but soon.” Standing, she turned to face him. “You will come to me, at my home, in four months’ time. That is when and where it will be.”

      William stared up at her. How can she be so confident, so sure, when she is only sixteen years old? At sixty-two, he often felt as feeble as a spring lamb. Especially today.

      “I will visit you in February then,” he said, standing.

      Over the next few months, his failure to predict the second coming of Christ became heralded as The Great Disappointment. However, the public scrutiny could not shake his faith. Miller knew now that God had different plans for him, and he was determined to see them through to the best of his ability.

      He prayed daily for the souls lost due to his error and continued to study the Bible voraciously. He read through the stack of hidden documents over and over again, taking notes for his upcoming meeting with Ellen, making sure to put the documents back in their hiding spot each night.

      The documents had been given to him by William Morgan, a man Miller had met when visiting his second cousin, David, in Batavia, New York nearly twenty years prior. At the time, Miller was a Freemasontrying to ensure David’s initiation into a local lodge. David had received the apprentice degree, the lowest grade of Freemasonry, but could not advance beyond that. Disgruntled, David had met and befriended Morgan, who had been denied admission entirely.

      Embittered by the rejection, Morgan decided to publish a book, exposing secret Freemasonic rituals. As a newspaper publisher, David agreed to print the book. Concerned the Freemasons might seek retribution, William Miller pleaded with his cousin to discard the project. But David was eager to embarrass the lodge that had rejected him and insisted on moving forward.

      To ease his cousin’s concerns, David suggested he share a meal with Morgan and his family. Over the course of the evening, Morgan expressed great interest in Miller’s religious beliefs, asking many questions while offering very little in return. Feeling annoyed by the one-sided discussion, Miller excused himself from the table and went outside to get some fresh air. He wished he had declined Morgan’s invitation.

      Morgan СКАЧАТЬ