The Collected Works of Oscar Wilde: 250+ Titles in One Edition. Оскар Уайльд

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СКАЧАТЬ CAVERSHAM. Well, make it Tuesday, sir, make it Tuesday.

      LORD GORING. But it is after seven, father, and my doctor says I must not have any serious conversation after seven. It makes me talk in my sleep.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. Talk in your sleep, sir? What does that matter? You are not married.

      LORD GORING. No, father, I am not married.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. Hum! That is what I have come to talk to you about, sir. You have got to get married, and at once. Why, when I was your age, sir, I had been an inconsolable widower for three months, and was already paying my addresses to your admirable mother. Damme, sir, it is your duty to get married. You can’t be always living for pleasure. Every man of position is married nowadays. Bachelors are not fashionable any more. They are a damaged lot. Too much is known about them. You must get a wife, sir. Look where your friend Robert Chiltern has got to by probity, hard work, and a sensible marriage with a good woman. Why don’t you imitate him, sir? Why don’t you take him for your model?

      LORD GORING. I think I shall, father.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. I wish you would, sir. Then I should be happy. At present I make your mother’s life miserable on your account. You are heartless, sir, quite heartless.

      LORD GORING. I hope not, father.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. And it is high time for you to get married. You are thirty-four years of age, sir.

      LORD GORING. Yes, father, but I only admit to thirty-two — thirty-one and a half when I have a really good buttonhole. This buttonhole is not … trivial enough.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. I tell you you are thirty-four, sir. And there is a draught in your room, besides, which makes your conduct worse. Why did you tell me there was no draught, sir? I feel a draught, sir, I feel it distinctly.

      LORD GORING. So do I, father. It is a dreadful draught. I will come and see you tomorrow, father. We can talk over anything you like. Let me help you on with your cloak, father.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. No, sir; I have called this evening for a definite purpose, and I am going to see it through at all costs to my health or yours. Put down my cloak, sir.

      LORD GORING. Certainly, father. But let us go into another room. [Rings bell.] There is a dreadful draught here. [Enter PHIPPS.] Phipps, is there a good fire in the smoking-room?

      PHIPPS. Yes, my lord.

      LORD GORING. Come in there, father. Your sneezes are quite heartrending.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. Well, sir, I suppose I have a right to sneeze when I choose?

      LORD GORING. [Apologetically.] Quite so, father. I was merely expressing sympathy.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. Oh, damn sympathy. There is a great deal too much of that sort of thing going on nowadays.

      LORD GORING. I quite agree with you, father. If there was less sympathy in the world there would be less trouble in the world.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. [Going towards the smoking-room.] That is a paradox, sir. I hate paradoxes.

      LORD GORING. So do I, father. Everybody one meets is a paradox nowadays. It is a great bore. It makes society so obvious.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. [Turning round, and looking at his son beneath his bushy eyebrows.] Do you always really understand what you say, sir?

      LORD GORING. [After some hesitation.] Yes, father, if I listen attentively.

      LORD CAVERSHAM. [Indignantly.] If you listen attentively! … Conceited young puppy!

      [Goes off grumbling into the smoking-room. PHIPPS enters.]

      LORD GORING. Phipps, there is a lady coming to see me this evening on particular business. Show her into the drawing-room when she arrives. You understand?

      PHIPPS. Yes, my lord.

      LORD GORING. It is a matter of the gravest importance, Phipps.

      PHIPPS. I understand, my lord.

      LORD GORING. No one else is to be admitted, under any circumstances.

      PHIPPS. I understand, my lord. [Bell rings.]

      LORD GORING. Ah! that is probably the lady. I shall see her myself.

      [Just as he is going towards the door LORD CAVERSHAM enters from the smoking-room.]

      LORD CAVERSHAM. Well, sir? am I to wait attendance on you?

      LORD GORING. [Considerably perplexed.] In a moment, father. Do excuse me. [LORD CAVERSHAM goes back.] Well, remember my instructions, Phipps — into that room.

      PHIPPS. Yes, my lord.

      [LORD GORING goes into the smoking-room. HAROLD, the footman shows MRS. CHEVELEY in. Lamia-like, she is in green and silver. She has a cloak of black satin, lined with dead rose-leaf silk.]

      HAROLD. What name, madam?

      MRS. CHEVELEY. [To PHIPPS, who advances towards her.] Is Lord Goring not here? I was told he was at home?

      PHIPPS. His lordship is engaged at present with Lord Caversham, madam.

      [Turns a cold, glassy eye on HAROLD, who at once retires.]

      MRS. CHEVELEY. [To herself.] How very filial!

      PHIPPS. His lordship told me to ask you, madam, to be kind enough to wait in the drawing-room for him. His lordship will come to you there.

      MRS. CHEVELEY. [With a look of surprise.] Lord Goring expects me?

      PHIPPS. Yes, madam.

      MRS. CHEVELEY. Are you quite sure?

      PHIPPS. His lordship told me that if a lady called I was to ask her to wait in the drawing-room. [Goes to the door of the drawing-room and opens it.] His lordship’s directions on the subject were very precise.

      MRS. CHEVELEY. [To herself] How thoughtful of him! To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect. [Goes towards the drawing-room and looks in.] Ugh! How dreary a bachelor’s drawing-room always looks. I shall have to alter all this. [PHIPPS brings the lamp from the writing-table.] No, I don’t care for that lamp. It is far too glaring. Light some candles.

      PHIPPS. [Replaces lamp.] Certainly, madam.

      MRS. CHEVELEY. I hope the candles have very becoming shades.

      PHIPPS. We have had no complaints about them, madam, as yet.

      [Passes into the drawing-room and begins to light the candles.]

      MRS. CHEVELEY. [To herself.] I wonder what woman he is waiting for tonight. It will be delightful to catch him. Men always look so silly when they are caught. And they are always being caught. [Looks about room and approaches the writing-table.] What a very interesting room! What a very interesting picture! Wonder what his correspondence is like. [Takes up letters.] Oh, what a very uninteresting correspondence! Bills and cards, debts and dowagers! СКАЧАТЬ