Blackbird. N.D. Gomes

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СКАЧАТЬ your sister ever keep a diary or a journal of some kind?’

      ‘Not sure, maybe a journal?’

      He nods his head slowly.

      ‘Why?’

      ‘There may be something in there to indicate where she could be, who she could be with.’

      ‘You still think she’s hiding out somewhere? Even after all this?’

      ‘She could be anywhere.’

      ‘Not Olivia. She would see all this, the newspapers, the flyers. She’s even on television. She wouldn’t want us to worry like this.’

      ‘Maybe you’re right,’ he says, the noise of the kettle starting to drown him out. He releases his arms, his hands dropping heavily by his side and slides past me out the door.

      The break room is smaller than I thought, with only a square plastic table and five chairs around it. A fridge sits in the corner, buzzing loudly. The noise of the kettle soon masks the buzzing. It boils fast then stops.

      I dunk a teabag into a chipped mug and stir milk into my tea. I’m too tired to remember where Allans said the sugar was so I drink it as is.

      The heat penetrates my hands as I hold the mug in my palms. I hadn’t realized how cold I was until now.

      I head back towards the main office, to Birkens’ desk. I can hear someone else speaking now. Another male voice, but deeper and hoarser than Birkens’ or Allans’. I slow down and lean against the wall. I’m not ready to leave. I’m not ready to go home and face my parents. I rest my head and listen to them talk.

      ‘Phonecall from Mrs Laird. You can pick it up on line two.’

      I immediately recognize Birkens’ voice. ‘No, not today. I don’t have time for her ramblings today. I have to drive Alex McCarthey to her house. Have someone take a message and tell her Davey here will get on to the McAllastair boys tomorrow.’

      ‘No, it’s not that,’ says the unfamiliar voice. ‘She said there’s a body out by the Ring of Brodgar. Right out in the open. She said it’s a girl. A dead girl.’

      Suddenly the air leaves the room and I’m panting for breath. I hear my mug hitting the ground and feel hot liquid spray up my leggings. My hands are shaking wildly. What did he say?

      I see Birkens in the doorway, looking at the spilled tea all around me. He looks at me, as I gasp for air. He slowly reaches his hand out to reach me, but I don’t take it. I see his mouth opening, but I don’t wait for his words. I just start running. I run down the hall, away from the three police officers. I hear them shouting my name, running after me.

      I don’t stop.

      I keep going down the hallway, having no idea where I’m going. Then I see a green exit sign lit up and I know that’s my way out. I slam into the door and push it open. I hear a click and the fire alarm wails.

      My name is being called again, but this time it’s only Birkens yelling it. I run faster, harder, until my thighs throb. I don’t hear him behind me any more. He couldn’t keep up.

      Overgrown blades of grass strike my legs as I run through the field. The long stems tangle around my boots, and grip me, pulling me down into the soil like in my dream. But unlike in my dream, I’m stronger. I fight back and push through them, hearing them snap and break.

      The earth is damp from the morning rain, and my boots sink slightly into the thick mud. It slows me down, but again I fight through.

      I can still hear the police officers calling my name even though they’re long gone now. Their voices echo in my head. Then I hear Olivia’s. She’s screaming, like in my dream.

      I can’t help her.

      I can’t reach her.

       Olivia, I’m coming.

       Wait for me.

      I know exactly where I’m going and I know I’ve reached it by the crowds of people gathered. Their bodies block the standing stones and I can’t see past them. Two police cars with flashing lights are parked horizontally, and officers frantically tape off the car park, shouting to the crowd to move back. But they don’t move. They strain their necks to see more. They’re enjoying this, I think. They like the drama, the excitement in the air. They crave it. They’re bored. They are here because they need this.

      I start pushing them out of the way, hearing them swear at me. A couple of them turn and see my face and nudge their friends. They recognize me. They all think exactly what I’m thinking – that’s my sister out there. My sister’s body has been found.

      She’s dead.

      I push them harder, screaming at them, ‘Move!’ My body hits the yellow tape and I see a female office running towards me. ‘Stop!’ she yells. But I don’t. I can’t.

      I duck under the tape and start running again, this time faster. Another officer starts chasing me, but he can’t reach me.

      The slick grass is harder to run on, and it slows me down. I see two officers standing over something. It’s long, and it lays awkwardly on the ground. I see an arm. A leg. Long dark brown hair spread wide on the grass.

      Suddenly I feel arms around me, pulling me away, pulling me down. I hear Birkens’ voice trying to calm me but I thrash violently. ‘Let me go!’ I scream. The officers ahead turn at the noise and that’s when I see her more clearly.

      My sister. My big sister. That’s me lying there. That’s my blood. We share the same blood. And it’s everywhere. It’s all around her head. It’s on the grass, it’s matted in her hair.

      Then everything goes blurry. I grip Birkens’ shoulder and throw my head back. I see birds soaring overhead, circling us, circling her. I open my mouth and scream my sister’s name. Then darkness takes me.

Chapter Five: 24.10.2015

       Olivia

      I met him at my school. He’s a little taller than me, with dark hair and even darker eyes. But there’s a kindness to them too. He wants people to know only the character he performs. And most people only see that, only want to see that.

      But not me.

      I see him for who he is, who he really wants to be. And he’s so much more than that character.

      We all play characters to a certain extent. We’re all pieces in a game, moved by hands not always ours. And we play our roles well. We do what people expect us to do, say what they want us to say, even if that means lying. Because the truth is so much harder to hear for most people.

      I played the game for too long. But I can’t any more. I’m so tired of it. I want to make my own decisions now, play by my own rules. Even if that means hurting people, many of them people I loved at some point in the game.

      I feel the worst when I think about hurting James. I don’t want to hurt him, СКАЧАТЬ