Dancing Over the Hill: The new feel good comedy from the author of The Kicking the Bucket List. Cathy Hopkins

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       6

       Cait

      I resolved to go to my computer when I got home, log in to Facebook and delete Tom’s request. We hadn’t even spoken yet and already he was making me anxious. I couldn’t stop thinking about his message, remembering our time together and the person I was when I knew him, plus I felt bad that I hadn’t told Lorna or Debs about him, and nor had I told Matt. I headed straight up to my study but, instead of going to Facebook, I called Lorna.

      ‘Hey, what’s up?’ she said. ‘Did you leave something at the restaurant?’

      ‘No. Er … have you got a minute?’

      ‘Course. Is something the matter?’

      I hesitated.

      ‘Hey, come on, you can tell me anything. Is it about your job coming to an end?

      ‘Partly.’

      ‘Could you both retire? Make that work? You are of the age.’

      ‘I … it’s not just that. I … thing is, Lorna, an old friend got in touch …’

      ‘Old friend?’

      ‘On Facebook. A man I used to know … live with many years ago – when I was at university.’

      ‘Tim, or Tom somebody?’

      ‘Yes. Tom Lewis.’ I was surprised she’d remembered. I’d told her about him briefly, many moons ago, when we were talking about first loves. ‘I haven’t heard from him for oh … must be forty years.’

      ‘Are you kidding? Where’s he been all this time?’

      ‘Abroad I think.’

      ‘What does he want?’

      ‘I don’t know. He made contact on Facebook. I haven’t accepted him as a friend yet.’

      ‘And will you?’

      ‘Not sure. I’ve been thinking about it.’

      ‘Oh, Cait, you really don’t need something like this in your life at the moment. I’d say tread very carefully there. He was the love of your life, if I remember rightly from what you told me. OK, probably no harm in saying hi in cyberspace, but more than that will be playing with fire. I remember you telling me what he meant to you. I’d say do not contact him. You don’t need the complications, especially now.’

      ‘It might be a closure of sorts and good for my soul.’

      ‘I very much doubt it; more like opening Pandora’s Box. Have you told Debs? What does she think?’

      ‘I haven’t told her and I don’t want to, so please don’t. He is, was, very attractive. She’d probably want to meet him, you know what she’s like.’

      ‘Yes, probably not a good idea.’

      ‘And I can’t open up to her completely, not like I can with you.’

      ‘What can’t you say to her?’

      ‘Oh, I don’t know, but it’s not just Tom who’s bothering me, it’s also Matt, and you know Debs thinks the world of him. Things aren’t good; in fact some days I’m not sure why I’m still with him.’ This wouldn’t be news to Lorna. I’d talked to her several times in the last few months, before he was made redundant, about my doubts over our relationship.

      ‘You’re thinking about separating? Is it really that bad?’

      ‘It is, but thirty years of marriage is a lot of history to walk away from. The time it takes in the beginning for silences to become comfortable, adjustments made to find a way to live together in harmony and Christmases, birthdays, holidays, deaths of loved ones, my mother, his parents, the birth, early years of Sam and Jed, the madness of having teenagers in the house. So many memories, so many shared experiences, good and bad. It’s a lot to let go of, and we’ve muddled along together so far – plus even to think about it at the moment is bad timing.’

      ‘I agree, you can’t do it when he’s just been made redundant.’

      ‘Exactly. It would be like kicking a man when he’s down.’

      ‘So what’s changed, apart from him losing his job?’

      ‘Me. I can’t help asking if it’s enough to muddle on.’

      ‘And have you decided what to do about Tom?’

      ‘Not yet. I was about to delete the request to be friends but, and I know this might sound mad, part of me likes the fact that his request is there, like an unopened, unexpected gift. As long as it remains unopened, it offers all sorts of possibilities.’

      ‘You can’t be the only woman who’s had a secret fantasy, Cait. It’s not as if you’ve done anything, and I would have thought Debs would be sympathetic if you told her. You know how open-minded she is.’

      ‘Yes, but you heard her at the restaurant when she said I should be grateful that I at least still have a man. It’s true. I should be. Matt is one of the good guys. He’s dependable, hard-working, a gentleman in the true sense of the word. Maybe I’m an ungrateful old witch.’

      ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself. No marriage is perfect and you’ve both been through a lot lately.’

      ‘It’s not just that, Lorna. Our marriage has gone stale. On the outside, it all looks normal, but is it? Do I have unrealistic expectations? Now he’s home twenty-four hours a day, I’m more aware than ever of the fact that we rarely talk about anything meaningful, never touch, not any more.’

      ‘Oh, Cait, I am sorry, but all marriages go through bad patches …’

      ‘This is a very long patch.’

      ‘And all relationships involve a degree of compromise. I very much doubt that Mr Perfect is out there – an older Darcy, in breeches and boots, aged like a dream. He doesn’t exist and for many couples, the passion wanes.’

      ‘It certainly has for us. Our sex life? Non-existent. These days, good in bed to me is to be tucked up with a book, and the only hot stuff I experience between the sheets is a cup of tea. I don’t like to ask friends how often they do it and is it worth it when they do.’

      Lorna chuckled. ‘Most of us swapped those kind of conversations years ago for discussions of our and everybody else’s health.’

      ‘Yes, but I get the feeling from the occasional remark made by married friends that Matt and I are the only ones who don’t do СКАЧАТЬ