Happy Family Book. How to stay happy in marriage. Irina Bjørnø
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Название: Happy Family Book. How to stay happy in marriage
Автор: Irina Bjørnø
Издательство: Издательские решения
Жанр: Руководства
isbn: 9785449621313
isbn:
What about love?
Love? If it is your dream partner, you WILL feel attraction immediately, because you LOVE your dreams. You know them. It is inside you. When you find your dream partner Love will happen naturally.
Love demands the ACCEPTANCE of the other person and an ACTIVE participation in another person’s life to make that person happy. That is all about love. Not satisfied with this answer? Learn more about love in this book. But this is the truth.
Remember: Love, as a sexual attraction, is blind! You ask why? Because of the purpose of Mother NATURE! Nature creates a hormonal process and builds a very strong sexual center in our body to fulfill HER (NATURE’S) task: to maintain the continuity of life, the survival of the specie/race, (it is not your wish to have a hormonal center inside you but it is inescapable, you were created with it). All living creatures in the world have it and feel sexual attraction and sexual desire. Many people misunderstand it and call it LOVE, which it is NOT! It is a hormonal process, it is not conscious, it is not feelings. Are you still having the sexual drive of an animal or are you a little more civilized and can distinguish between the hormonal (natural) desire and your own personal wish?
Therefore only a SELECTIVE approach to your future partner will give the best and healthiest results! Be selective! Be clever! Build the best ground for your relationship!
We will talk later about love. It is an important issue, and usually misunderstood but we will make it clear.
Remember! We are all food to each other’s life! Another person (your partner) helps to nourish your body, mind and soul with different foods: emotions, experiences, impressions, and events. All of this forms your body, mind, and soul. All this helps you to fulfill your dreams. You become that special person due to all of the inputs. Wrong input – wrong results (bad health, unhappiness) like in computer business: rubbish in – rubbish out. And this process is mutual: you are also responsible for the active development of your partner. It is a daily, continuous job and a very pleasant one because you can see the results everyday.
But what if you have already met somebody? How do you check it is the right person for you? Answer the same questions as you did before to find you dream partner but this time, in addition to your dream picture, list also the qualities of your present spouse (you can use a different colored pen). Are the answers about your present partner very different from those about your dream prince/princess? Be honest with yourself!
If you have been in several short-term relationships, check again: do I find this quality in my former partner: say yes/no. If the “NO” answers dominate, ask the question: why do you fall into the same trap again? Where is your weak compromise point? And DO NOT repeat it again! Learn form your mistakes!
You will be rewarded in the future with a healthy and long lasting beautiful relationship!
And what if you are in a serious relationship now? Or you are still dreaming about the right person? Come back and answer all these questions yourself. Make a new evaluation a week later. Do I find this quality in my present partner? (Say honestly: Yes or No). If the “NO” are the majority answer, he/she is definitely NOT your dream partner. What do you do? Make the right conclusion from your research.
A lot of people who were in therapy with me were divorced later because they found out that they had betrayed their dreams. And when you kill your dreams, you kill part of yourself. Now most of my patients live happily alone or in couples, but they have learnt to respect themselves and their dreams.
2. Marriage: tradition or biological need? Is it the way to be happy?
Do you need to be married? Whose need is it? The society’s? To create workers in order to support the society’s existence? Or is it your parents’ dream? Or maybe, it is the pressure of your social surroundings, your friends, your colleagues? Clarify it for yourself before it is be too late!
Look around! How many of your married friends are really happy? What about your parents or your relatives?
How many happy couples do you know?
Leo Tolstoy (who was very unhappy in his family life) wrote in his novel “Anna Karenina”: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”. What I can say?
Happiness is the individual state of being, which is achieved (temporarily), when your criteria to be happy are fulfilled: it is so easy! But the criteria of happiness are different from person to person and vary during the course of a lifetime. It is dynamic and it changes together with the person’s individual development!
What most people wish for in their life is to be happy. For one, it means to have a wedding with 200 guests, for another to climb Everest. Everybody is different, but one thing is in common the state of happiness cannot be permanent. As the Chinese proverb says: Nothing is permanent but change! If you achieve it once you will wish to repeat it again. We will talk about it later. You will learn how to stay in a happy marriage AND satisfy your need for variety. Be patient!
I met one person among my clients whose criteria to be happy included among other things the cleanliness of water glasses in his home: a small drop of moisture on the glass created a total state of irritation and influenced his feelings of happiness. You can say that it is small beer, but for this person it WAS a real problem.
Now you are ready to create the next practical instruments:
My criteria of happiness:
You know the procedure now: Take a piece of paper, stop watch (20 minutes), good pencil, 3 deep breaths and:
Let it happen! Create your list for happiness.
I feel happy when:
Start writing everything that can make you happy (if you dream about it): What should happen to make you feel happy? What are the necessary conditions? Who is necessary? What is necessary?
Work hard! DO not think too much! Write! Are you stuck? Here is a little guide to help you:
I feel happy when I am involved in:
Relationships
Activities (doing something specific)
Hobbies
Success
Finished? Fine! Put your list aside until next weekend. And again: do not talk about it to anybody, do not show it to anyone: let the idea of happiness crystallize inside you.
The following weekend, you know what to do:
Open your answer sheet again, read it carefully, corrects some of it and mark a score against each item: 1 – very important, essential, 2 – important, but not 100%, 3 – not essential, can be dropped.
Now the work is done!
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