A Mother to Love. Gail Martin Gaymer

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      “I can always find work but even more, I would love fun days with Carly.”

      “I’d like that, too.”

      His voice had a zing to it that she hadn’t heard lately. “So would I.”

      “We’ll see you after church if you still want us.”

      “Want you? I’m counting on it.” Her heart smiled despite her sorrow for his situation.

      When they ended the call, she sank into the chair, eyed her coffee that was now cool enough to drink, but her stomach had knotted. Confused, she leaned back and searched her head for meaning. She had planned to stay uninvolved with men until she had a grip on her life and knew what she wanted from it. She’d failed already, and it troubled her. She had to keep a grip on her involvement, and even more, her emotions.

      She sipped the lukewarm coffee while her mind reeled. Rick had become a good friend, and though that was what he was now, she’d taken a big step by allowing his daughter to become involved in her life. She’d never planned to be involved with a child, and even if she married, she had always questioned being a mother. In the long haul, being a mother meant devotion and unbending love. She’d always loved her independence, and a mother didn’t have independence. She had responsibility and dependents.

      Yet, for the first time in her life, she wished she was a mother. She’d loved her time with Carly, yet she doubted it would last. But now she faced the truth. A child could bind a heart into a bundle and tie it with a big pink ribbon. Tearing the ribbon off would hurt the child as much as tearing herself apart. She needed to learn how to be a friend without commitment.

      A friend without commitment. The idea seemed practical, very logical, but she feared impossible. Some people she knew were only on a skin level. They could be brushed off or washed away. But others were like an addiction. They could sink inside, enter the veins and become part of the heart. Tearing them away would be worse than a hurt. It could destroy. So what should she do now? Was it too late? Did she still have a choice?

      * * *

      Rick held Carly’s hand as they walked from the church. Although he’d heard much of the lessons and sermon, his mind often had slipped into the past days with Angie. How many times had he cautioned himself not to get involved? He had too much on his plate dealing with Glenda’s moods, and though he understood them at times, he’d lost his patience.

      When Carly was hurt by their relationship, his anger jarred his conscience. A child of five shouldn’t carry the burden of her parents’ relationship, yet she was. Carly was too wise for her years.

      His thoughts shifted to his daughter bouncing beside him. Her energy had been suppressed during the worship service, and for a kid, that was like handcuffs. She was a wonderful child and had entertained herself with one of the bags the church kept in the entry to entertain younger children.

      During the service, he’d spotted Carly looking at him out of the corner of his eye, a grin on her face. She’d pointed to a picture in a storybook, and he’d grinned back when he saw a drawing of Jesus surrounded by little children. Carly touched the picture of a young girl with blond hair and then had pointed to herself. His pulse had lurched and he’d nodded, then had forced himself to focus on the pastor’s lesson for the day.

      Nothing in the world meant more to him than the time he spent with Carly. His chest tightened, picturing Angie and how much he enjoyed being with her. Spending time with both of them had been perfect, and Angie made it so easy. She’d admitted she loved Carly. What more could any father hear than that?

      “Are we going to Angie’s now?”

      Carly’s voice sank into his mind. “We are. She’s waiting for us to do what we promised.”

      “Plant flowers, and I get to help.”

      “She couldn’t do it without you, could she?” He grinned at her glowing face.

      “No, ’cause I follow directions and work hard.”

      He nodded, his mind slipping away again to Glenda and their situation. She was missing too much with Carly, he feared. Her work and long hours kept her away and... He pushed the thought out of his mind. It was a new day, and he wanted to focus on that.

      “Daddy.”

      “What, sweetie?” Irritated with his distraction, he paused and looked at her.

      “Maybe we’ll do more than planting.” Her eyes filled with question.

      “Maybe. Angie often has surprises for us, doesn’t she?”

      She nodded. “I wish Mom had surprises. But she’s tired a lot, and she likes me to be quiet.” She kicked at a pebble in the church parking lot. “I’m not noisy.”

      A chuckle escaped before he could stop it. He managed a serious look. “You’re not noisy. You just have fun. That’s what kids should do, and you ask lots of questions.” They’d reached the car and he hit the remote.

      She grabbed the door handle and grinned. “Asking questions makes me smart.”

      He chuckled again but this time didn’t stop it, and she giggled too as she climbed into her safety seat.

      * * *

      Angie stood a moment watching Carly mimic her as she dug the hole and placed a plant in it, then replaced the dirt and patted it down. The child caught on fast. “You’re doing a very good job, Carly. You amaze me.”

      “Really?” Her expression rang with anticipation as she held the trowel over the mound of dirt she’d just removed.

      “Really. You’re a good learner.”

      Her gaze shot toward Rick. “Daddy, I’m a good learner.”

      She flashed him a smile that rent Angie’s heart. The child loved approval and validation that she was smart and beautiful.

      Rick beamed. “You are, and I’m very proud of you.” He lowered his head a moment. “I think I should spend more time showing you how to do things.” He knelt beside her. “What do you say?”

      “I say yes.” Her eyes widened. “I want to learn to bake cookies.” She dragged her tongue over her lips. “Can I learn that, Angie?”

      “You sure can. Maybe we could have a lesson. Would that be fun?”

      Carly’s eyes twinkled, and with a happy nod she set a flower in the hole, pushed the earth back and patted it before she dug another one.

      Angie shifted out of Rick’s way as he rose. His expression appeared a conflicting blend of pleasure embedded in sadness.

      “I’ve done a disservice to her, Ang.”

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