Heaven Sent Husband. Gilbert Morris

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ go down into Egypt, and have not asked at My mouth; to strengthen themselves in the strength of Pharaoh, and to trust in the shadows of Egypt!”

      Somehow the verse seemed to reach out. “This is really a tough thing. God is saying that the old Hebrews trusted the strength of Pharaoh rather than putting their trust in the Lord God.”

      And as always, she tried to make a personal application. Lord, have I done that? Have I trusted in something else beside You? You know I don’t want to do that, for You are my hope and my trust. And I love You more than anyone else, or anything else. So, let me trust You and not in Egypt or anything this world offers me.

      A sense of approval and peacefulness came to her. It was not something she could have described to anyone else, but as she prayed and meditated, Ket often felt that when she surrendered herself to God, He gave His approval by this sort of feeling. Suddenly a startling thought touched her. Maybe I’ve been trusting the worldly things to get a husband instead of trusting God.

      The thought disturbed her for it was almost as if a hand had been laid on her. Slowly she began to review her life. She was well aware that all women did things to make themselves attractive and, deny it as they might, they laid plans to get a husband. It was not a thing women talked about, for traditionally the man was the one expected to do the pursuing. Women did not bait traps and catch husbands that way—at least none of them that she had known admitted it.

      She sat there for a long time. The only sound was the antique clock that had belonged to her grandparents slowly beating out the time. It made a solitary echo in her room as she thought, It’s not wrong for a woman to dress up and to make herself attractive, is it, Lord? She didn’t seem to get an answer, but somehow an uneasiness filled her. She continued to read and then finally in the fifteenth verse, one of those moments came when the verse seemed to jump off the page. It was almost as if it leapt right into her heart, it struck with such force.

      “For thus saith the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength….”

      Somehow the verse nudged at Ket, and she paused again and thought, “In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” Well, I haven’t done that. I remember back when I was just fifteen how I tried to be like Carol and Jenny and the other girls. I tried everything in the book to catch a boyfriend, but somehow I never was able.

      She thought again of the embarrassments and the humiliation she had endured to make herself popular, and how those attempts had failed. Oh, she had attracted a few, but no one that had pleased her. Now she went back and studied the words again.

      Lord, are You telling me to just be quiet in returning and rest shall ye be saved? To just let You have this thing?

      Again she waited, listening for the impression of some kind to come from God. She had never heard the voice of God literally and did not expect to. Still, there had been so many times in her life when after a long prayer, and sometimes even fasting, God had “spoken” so clearly within her spirit that she knew that God was speaking to her in this way. Now she waited, and the longer she waited the more strongly she believed that the verse was speaking directly to her heart. All right. I’ll rest and wait on You. You’ll be my strength, Lord.

      She was growing sleepy now but she continued to read, and when she got to the twentieth verse, once again she was brought up short. “And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed into a corner any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers.”

      She thought, What does that mean, Lord? and then the first part of the verse came to her, and she thought, “The bread of adversity and the water of affliction.” I guess that’s what I’ve had as far as romance is concerned. I haven’t had any victory there.

      She looked down then and read aloud the twenty-first verse. “‘And thine ears shall hear a Word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.’”

      At that moment Ketura knew that God was giving her a promise. It happened before, more than once, and she felt a sudden glad joy as she realized that this was God’s way of speaking to her. I’m going to hear a voice that will tell me what to do. Is that right, Lord? She was very sleepy and closed the Bible. Turning out the light, she lay back and began to repeat the twenty-first verse over and over again. “‘And thine ears shall hear a Word behind thee, saying, This is the way.’” Lord, that’s what I want, she prayed silently.

      Sleep came but she did not sleep well. More than once she almost came out of her sleep, and finally when dawn came she awakened.

      As soon as consciousness came to her, she had one of those mystic moments when she knew that she was in the presence of the Lord. And the Lord was saying in her heart and in her spirit, and in her mind: This is the way, walk ye in it. Obey me and I will give you a husband….

      Ket’s eyes flew open and she gasped. “Give me a husband! Surely that’s not what God’s saying to me!” But she lay there pleading to God for a long time, and the impression did not cease.

      Finally Ketura took a deep breath. All right, God. If I’m going to have a husband, You’ll have to give him to me because I’m not hunting for Prince Charming on my own anymore!

      Chapter Three

      Ketura laid her pen down and flexed the fingers of her right hand. They were aching from writing steadily in her diary for the past hour. Now as she leaned back and studied what she had written, a wry thought came to her. Here I am like a teenage girl, keeping a journal. How sophomoric!

      Perhaps it was unusual for someone to keep a journal faithfully for so many years, but it had become a part of Ket’s life. The first page went all the way back to when she was seven years old and had announced firmly to her mother, “I’m going to keep a diary all my life.” Her mother had smiled indulgently, but Ket had found putting her thoughts and emotions on paper a good way to analyze who she was. The shelf in her closet now was filled with a line of blank books bought at the bookstore, all of them filled. From time to time she took them out and studied the careful, adolescent handwriting of her early years, finding that almost as interesting as the contents. It had amused her at times to see how earthshaking and traumatic certain events were to a fourteen-year-old, such as making an error in a softball game, which had cost the team the championship. She had written plainly “I think I’ll kill myself!” at the end of that entry.

      Now, however, her life as it was capsuled onto these pages had become more important to her. Ever since she had started feeling like a giantess, as she put it, and lacked the prettiness that attracted boys, she had recorded her feelings on the pages instead of sharing them with someone else.

      Now as she half closed her eyes and thought how horrified she would be if anyone were to read her journals, the impulse came to burn them all. It was not the first time she had thought of such a thing, but she knew she could not do that for these books had become like old friends to her.

      Maybe one day when I’m an old, old woman I’ll read these, and what I’m thinking will seem as foolish as my actions do at the present. She leaned forward, straightened, arched her back and read what she had written.

      April 6

      I hardly know how to put down what I feel. I have always been so resistant and even had superior feelings for those who said, “God told me to do such and such.” It always seemed to me that they were boasting that they had a straight line to God that the rest of us lacked. I still feel that way—but for the СКАЧАТЬ