The Colour of Love. Preethi Nair

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СКАЧАТЬ my paintings. I wanted to see magic and paint it even if it couldn’t tangibly be seen. I wanted to put bold colours together, see colours that hadn’t been painted and bring inanimate objects back to life.

      I took white paint, squirted some onto the palette, thinned it with water and in the left-hand corner I painted the words ‘For Ki’. Looking at the space in between the words and sensing that there was a great distance between them, a distance that shouldn’t have been there, I inserted the letter ‘u’ so it read, ‘Foruki’.

      I cleaned the boots with a damp rag so that most of the grime disappeared. There was string in the cupboard along with brown paper, both of which I placed on the table. I cut two long pieces of string and put each of the strings through the lace holes, and when I had finished I packed them both in brown paper.

      I washed my hands with soap and water but couldn’t get my nails clean and kept scrubbing my fingers until they felt raw. After my brushes were cleaned and the paints neatly organised on the table again, I got changed into my suit, sprayed myself with perfume, glanced at the canvas one last time and smiled. I picked up the boots, switched off the lights and locked up the studio.

      The boots were left where I had found them and then I switched my phone back on. There were two messages from my mum and one from Raj asking how I was and to give him a call back whenever I could.

      On the journey back home I prepared to condense my world back into Croydon, to squeeze it back into the semi. No sooner had I walked through the door than my mum cornered me.

      I panicked, thinking that she could smell the paint or would spot the state of my fingernails, and so I tried to get away from her.

      ‘Where have you been, beta, you’re very late? Have lots of things to tell you,’ she beamed.

      ‘Let me have a shower first, Ma, I’ve had a really busy day,’ I said quickly.

      She followed me upstairs and talked nonstop through the bathroom door but I didn’t want to hear a word of it.

      ‘So it’s OK, then? Two weeks’ time, so December twenty-sixth and second of April?’ she asked, shouting through the door.

      ‘What’s OK?’

      ‘The engagement and the wedding.’

      I opened the bathroom door in disbelief. The second of April was less than four months away – what was she thinking. I hardly knew this man. ‘What?’

      ‘I spoke to the priest today and he said that was a good date and then I called up Raj’s mother and she too agreed. We’re all so happy.’

      ‘It’s too soon,’ I shouted.

      ‘Soon, soon,’ I heard my dad shout from downstairs. ‘We have waited twenty-seven years.’

      ‘But I’ve phoned people and made arrangements now, beta.’

      ‘Unmake them.’

      She took out her sari-end from her midriff and before she even began sobbing, I left her there.

      How could she just do that? Engagement, priest, wedding, all within four months.

      There was nobody I could talk to about it except Raj so I returned his call.

      ‘Am I glad you called, Nina. I’ve just heard about the engagement and the wedding date, and I didn’t want you to think that it was me pushing you. Far from it, we don’t even really know each other.’

      ‘That’s exactly what I was thinking.’ This man was growing on me more and more.

      ‘Anyway, when you get to find out some of my really bad habits you might want to delay it indefinitely.’

      ‘And they are?’

      ‘Well you’ll just have to find out, won’t you?’ he flirted.

      I giggled pathetically. This was what happened when you spent hours in a room full of paint and had no one to converse with.

      We talked about his day at work, his colleagues, his friends, he asked me lots of questions but I diverted the conversation so we spoke mainly about him. I didn’t want to lie so I tried to find a way of broaching the painting-by-day subject.

      ‘Do you believe in magic?’

      ‘Black magic?’ he replied.

      ‘No, things like coincidences. Coincidences, and also when you take a leap of faith that other things happen almost as if you have no control over them, as if someone is helping out.’ I was thinking about my transition into the art world but he took it to mean us.

      ‘I never thought about it but I suppose in a way I do. I took a leap of faith with you and it feels right and it’s all moving along almost like we have no control over it.’

      Did I feel that way about him? Well, no. But there had been a sign.

      ‘What about signs?’ I asked.

      ‘What do you mean?’

      ‘A sign is an indication that you are doing the right thing.’

      He didn’t say anything.

      ‘The sign between us,’ I continued, ‘was that for days, even before I met you, I was thinking about the Matisse quote – you know, the one about creativity – and then you said it to me. Out of all the things you could have said, you gave me that quote.’

      ‘I can see how that could be a sign,’ he answered diplomatically. ‘It’s nice to think about things that way but I work on gut feeling, Nina, and I know I’m sure about you.’

      Yes, that’s what I liked about him. His certainty and practicality: there was no spontaneous, impetuous behaviour, no way on earth that I would ever find him with a red-headed woman.

      ‘So what do you think?’ he asked.

      ‘About what?’

      ‘About getting engaged in two weeks?’

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