Trilogy Collection. Julie Shaw

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      Carol stood up again and put her hands on her hips. ‘You want some pop? The man’s been and I told him me mam wanted some leaving. She’ll go apeshit, like, but I’m not bothered. Dandelion and burdock. In the fridge. You want some?’

      Josie nodded, biting her lip to stop herself from crying, and trying to still her trembling hands by smoothing Blue, who, perhaps having sensed that she needed her in some way had climbed out of her basket and trotted across to Josie, plopping her velvety head into her lap.

      Carol got the pop bottle out of the fridge and carefully opened it to stop it spurting, then poured two glasses and placed them down on the little kitchen table.

      Josie reached out for one, then thought better of it, and lifting the dog’s head from her lap, went over to the sink and washed her hands as thoroughly as she could first, using a squirt of washing up liquid.

      ‘I can’t tell my mam,’ she said, sitting down again and stroking Blue. ‘I just can’t.’

      ‘Why not?’

      ‘Because I just can’t, that’s all.’

      ‘I think you should – s’pose he tries it again and this time he doesn’t trip over?’

      Josie sipped at the drink, the bubbles still dancing on the surface and tickling her top lip. ‘Because what if I do and then they go for him an’ it comes out that he – well, what he did to me before?’

      Caz shook her head. ‘It won’t. He’s not going to admit that, is he? He’d have to be mad as well as mucky!’

      ‘But he might. S’pose he tells them I was asking for it or something?’

      ‘Asking for it? That’s just mad. Come on, Titch – you really think he’d ever do that?’

      ‘Yeah, but –’ Josie sighed. She wished she could believe he wouldn’t. But she never told before, and she was happy that she hadn’t. And she just knew telling now would make things bad for her. That somehow it would come out – she might blurt it out herself, even. That the not telling had made her seem bad, all by itself. Like she mustn’t have even cared much.

      How badly she wished Vinnie was home – she was counting the weeks till his release date in September now. How badly she wanted the summer to be done with. How badly she wished he could just go round and punch Melvin’s lights out. She should have told Vin when it happened in the first place, she realised. He might not have been home but he’d have sorted it out for her. One way or another, he would’ve. He’d have sorted it so that bastard never thought, in a million billion years, that he’d got away with it. That he could try it on again with her now.

      Her friend must have been reading her thoughts, she decided. ‘How about you tell Vin?’ Carol suggested. ‘You’ve got to tell someone. I mean, it’s not like Black Bobby used to do to me, this, is it? This is different, Titch. I mean, this is him trying to kidnap you, almost, isn’t it? So’s he could rape you.’

      The word hung there between them, stark and singular. He’d raped her before and might have raped her again. Titch felt her chin begin to wobble at the thought of what might have been, and for the record she’d now lost, and the peace of mind that had been destroyed, and she fought to hold back a fresh bout of tears. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction, the bastard.

      ‘Hey,’ said Carol, obviously seeing her face going. ‘Count yourself lucky anyway, mate. Least you haven’t got tits to grope, like I have.’ Then she mimed it, squeezing both of hers and grinning, at which Josie, sniffing back the torrent, at least managed a wan smile.

      ‘I can’t tell Vinnie,’ she said. ‘For one thing mam’s still not paid the bloody phone bill, and for another thing, he’d go completely mental – completely mental – and he’d end up being banged up for another God knows how many months, just when he’s about to come home. No, Caz, I want him back and I’m not going to do anything that might make him do something that’ll stop that happening.’

      Carol shrugged. ‘Fair enough. Got to tell someone though, haven’t you? Hey, there’s a thought,’ she said. ‘What about your Lyndsey? Maybe she’d know best what to do. Maybe she could send her Robbo round to put the frighteners on him even. Or maybe tell your mam for you? Something, anyway.’ She drained her pop and banged her empty glass down on the kitchen table then, startling Josie. ‘Men, eh?’ she said, rolling her eyes.

       Chapter 14

      The record, it turned out, was unbroken. Josie had told Caz all about it and how she knew she’d never see it again, but when she walked round to meet her down behind the youthy on the Saturday, it was to see her friend brandishing something in the air; something that resolved itself into something recognisably slim and square, Caz’s expression confirming it was what she hoped it was.

      ‘I don’t believe it!’ Josie exclaimed, as Caz passed the record to her.

      ‘It’s not broke or owt, either,’ she confirmed.

      ‘But how d’you –’

      ‘I walked that way and saw it,’ Caz said as they headed round the front to see who was hanging out. ‘After you’d gone, Black Bobby and my mam started up all over again, so I decided I’d get out of there and take Blue out for a walk.’

      Josie pulled the record out of the sleeve. Caz was right. It didn’t look like it had come to any harm. It felt like a miracle. ‘Where was it?’

      ‘Just on the pavement, down from yours – it was just lying there. No sign of Melvin. His lights were all off. And he obviously hadn’t seen it. Well, no one must have, must they? I thought about dropping it round then but I didn’t like to come and knock. Not with Blue with me and with your mam and dad maybe home from the Bull. I didn’t play it,’ she added. ‘Promise.’

      ‘Oh, Caz, you should’ve!’

      Carol shook her head. ‘No I shouldn’t. Not before you. But you could come round to mine and play it now, if you want to. And Titch,’ she said looking at Josie hard. ‘have you told your Lyndsey yet?’

      Josie looked at the record. She was glad she had it back, but she suddenly wasn’t sure she did want to play it now. It felt tainted; like she’d never be able to look at it without remembering. And that made her angry. Angry with that bastard Melvin. But most of all with herself. No, this time she was telling. For definite.

      ‘No,’ she said. ‘But I’m going to. Swear on my life, Caz. That sicko’s not going to get away with it a second time.’

      Josie spent the rest of the day brooding on it. On the one hand, she desperately wanted to tell someone who might be able to do something; on the other, the same feelings of fear and shame kept ambushing her as last time. She hated trouble and knew that this had trouble written all over it.

      She needed to wait though. To time things so she’d get her sister on her own, because the one thing she didn’t want was for that idiot Robbo to start poking his nose in. He was an idiot druggy and you never knew what he might do if he found out. Most of all though, he had a big mouth and the one thing she felt sure of was СКАЧАТЬ