Trilogy Collection. Julie Shaw

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СКАЧАТЬ inside her. Raw. She shuddered.

      ‘Caz, I’ll never tell a living soul,’ she said, stroking her friend’s hair absently. ‘I understand, and I’ll never tell a living soul, I promise.’

      Carol pulled back from her then and used the last twist of tissue to blow her nose. Then threw it into the blackness.

      ‘I know you won’t,’ she said. ‘An’ I’ll be fine. It’s okay. It’s just …’ She wrapped her arms across her chest and rocked slightly. ‘It’s just horrible in a way I can’t tell you. It’s just disgusting. It’s … You know, when men … and they …’ She stopped and shook her head. ‘Just be glad you don’t know, Titch. Really. You don’t want to know.’

      The silence in the den lasted a full 20 seconds, and Josie knew Caz was struggling not to cry again. Black Bobby. Him as well. And he lived with them. The thought was shocking. The idea that he could just go into her bedroom any time he liked and do that stuff to her … It was shocking and it was disgusting. No wonder Caz was so upset.

      ‘I do know,’ she said quietly, the words coming from her mouth without her even consciously deciding to say them. It was as if her secret had decided it was staying secret no longer, overruling her.

      Carol looked puzzled for a moment. Then shook her head. ‘No, Josie, you don’t know. I’m talking about grown-up sex stuff. That’s what I’m telling you.’

      ‘I do know,’ she said again.

      Carol’s eyes began to widen. ‘What, you mean it’s … God, Titch, you mean your dad?’ She clapped her hands to her mouth. ‘Oh my God!’

      Josie shook her head, stricken at the thought. ‘God, not my dad! Mucky Melvin!’

      Carol gasped. ‘Mucky Melvin? Fuck!’

      So Josie told her.

      And in the telling, she felt alternately traumatised and better. Traumatised, remembering what she’d tried so hard to forget; his smell, his croaky breathing, his gnarly, stinky fingers, his greasy matted hair slipping and sliding against her cheek … But better – so much better – now it had all finally spilled out of her. Better that she didn’t feel so alone any more, better that she’d been able to tell someone she trusted, someone she loved, someone who’d understand. It made her feel slightly less dirty.

      ‘Shit!’ Caz said, finally. ‘The monster! The shitty, filthy monster!’

      ‘You mustn’t tell, Caz …’

      ‘I won’t tell. I promise, Titch. I’ll never tell. But you should tell. This isn’t like Bobby, Titch. If he’s done that to you he needs to go to prison. You should tell. You should tell your mam and dad.’

      Josie felt her heart thump at the thought Caz might tell on her after all. ‘I can’t do that!’

      ‘Why not?’

      ‘Because they’ll kill me for being so stupid and going in there!’

      ‘Course they wouldn’t!’

      ‘They would, Caz. You don’t know my mam!’

      In truth, Caz did. Josie knew that. And a part of her also knew her friend was probably right. But she just couldn’t bring herself to even think about telling her parents. She just couldn’t. She just wouldn’t. Not ever.

      ‘How about Vinnie, then?’ Caz said. You should tell your Vinnie – he’ll fucking kill him!’

      Josie shook her head. ‘That’s exactly why I won’t be telling Vinnie, Caz. He’s already gotten himself in more bother and has to do more time. I can’t tell him, Caz. He’s in enough trouble as it is.’

      ‘Well, you can’t let him get away with it, Titch. Dirty old bastard! Why don’t you tell your Lyndsey and Robbo, then? Robbo will know what to do.’

      ‘I dunno.’ She said. ‘I did think about it but you never know with Lynds. She can’t always be trusted to keep her gob shut, can she? I dunno. I just … well, I’m just so glad I’ve told you. It was killing me keeping it to myself. I feel so much better now I’ve told you. What you gonna do about Black Bobby?’

      Carol looked sad again and shrugged. ‘Same as you, I suppose. Nothing. Just keep it to myself and hope my mam decides to get shut of him. She’s looking like she might do soon, at least.’

      ‘You should sleep with a knife under your pillow,’ Josie said. ‘Threaten him with it next time.’

      Carol smiled. ‘You’re a mental case. Can you imagine that? Me pulling out a knife threatening to cut off his dangly bits?’ She giggled then, unexpectedly. ‘Nice idea, though.’

      Which made Josie giggle too. She realised she felt better than she had done since Vinnie went. It would be okay. They had each other and she knew it would all be better now. She wiped a dirty hand across her face and squeezed Carol’s arm. ‘That’s settled then. We don’t tell anyone. Not for now, at least. This is our secret.’

      ‘Our secret,’ agreed Carol. ‘Blood sisters, okay?’

      Josie nodded and the two girls made their way out of the den. She felt stronger now. Strong enough to cope with it on her own. Strong enough to cope with Vinnie not coming home yet. When you had a blood sister like Caz you could cope with anything, however horrible. She just hoped that neither of them was going to have to.

1973

       Chapter 9

      February

      Jock reached behind the front-room door for his sheepskin coat. It was the back end of winter and was freezing outside, but that wasn’t going to stop him going to work today.

      Which wasn’t like Jock. Normally even the mere utterance of the word ‘work’ was enough to send him scuttling back to bed. Jock had his own, much nicer, way of making money. And one that didn’t mean grafting for some other undeserving fucker, either. Jock was a gambler. It was in his blood, same as it had been in his dad’s before him. Coming from a family of bookies he’d had the horse-racing bug since he was a lad.

      So Jock didn’t really need to work – not all that often, anyway. Like most of the men on the Canterbury Estate the only regular work he did was his weekly trip to the dole office, to sign on for his unemployment benefit. If he fell short – perhaps needed extra money for Christmas or a party, then he’d do a bit here and there ‘on the side’. The only other main spur to him making the effort to pull a few quid together was, as it had always been, June. New clothes, a night out – she was always on his case about something she wanted – and every so often, when the frequency of her nagging got too much, he’d do whatever was required to shut her up.

      But not today. Today was different. Today he was actually looking forward to going to work. This particular job was a right little number and if he played his cards right, him and June would both be laughing. It was a СКАЧАТЬ