The One with All the Bridesmaids: A hilarious, feel-good romantic comedy. Erin Lawless

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СКАЧАТЬ to be any Fake Fiancé Bouncers. Relax.’

      ‘You know, when we made plans to do something together this weekend, this really wasn’t what I had in mind.’

      ‘Hey, I’d hardly been dreaming that when I visited my first wedding fair it would be with you, you know,’ Bea shot back, slamming the car door for emphasis.

      Eli grinned his disarming grin. ‘Really? Don’t you remember our beautiful wedding day?’ He clutched dramatically at his supposedly broken heart.

      Bea rolled her eyes but decided not to fight the smile. It was the day Elliott Hale had been formally inducted into their little group of friends. Nora had been to a family wedding the weekend before and was full of utter Catholic pomp about it, promising she’d show Bea how it was done by officiating a marriage between her and a willing boy on the playground that lunchtime.

      When neither Harry nor Cole proved willing … ‘You, then,’ seven-year-old Nora had decreed, waving impatiently at a nearby classmate. Young Eli was stretched and gangly (oddly, for someone who would grow up to be of an average height) and had knees that seemed way too large for the rest of his legs. He’d looked up from his Pogs in alarm.

      ‘Me?’

      ‘Yes, you.’ Already an older sister several times over by then, Nora had little-to-no patience with slow uptake. ‘Come over here and be the groom.’

      Reasonably obedient by nature – back then and now – Eli had obliged, gathering up his snackbox and his Pogs and moving across to stand with the four of them; he’d never managed to completely extricate himself again.

      ‘Of course I remember, snookums,’ Bea teased, moving closer to fling a companionable arm around her friend’s shoulders as they made their way down the crunching gravel walkway that lead from the car park to the venue. ‘Shame that didn’t work out. At least we’ll always have the playground.’

      ‘Welcome to Hucclecote Barn,’ a smiling woman in a matching skirt-suit the colour of a new bruise greeted them, handing them each a goodie bag. ‘When’s the big day?’

      Bea curled her ringless finger away behind the plastic handles of the bag. ‘We haven’t booked anything yet,’ she lied smoothly. ‘It’s early days. In fact, we’re not just here to see the suppliers at the fair, we’re here to look at the Barn as a possible venue.’

      ‘Oh, super-duper!’ the lady beamed. ‘Well, why don’t you two have a good look around and later I can connect you with our events coordinator?’

      ‘That would be … super,’ Eli concurred, thankfully avoiding eye contact with Bea, who was quite sure she had never heard the term ‘super-duper’ used non-sarcastically before in her life.

      ‘Super!’ agreed the goodie-bag lady, waving them on. ‘Enjoy!’

      Bea and Eli chuckled quietly to themselves as they moved away. In front of them was the Barn-with-a-capital-B in question, liberally draped with charming cream and baby-blue bunting flags. They thought they’d be getting there early, but the fair was already in full swing, suppliers hawking out their services and wares from display tables erected in a wonky semi-circle around the main doors. Couples, arm in arm, twirled leisurely around the outside.

      ‘I don’t think this place suits us or our wedding plans, Bea my darling,’ Eli decided, faux-regretful. He gestured at a stall selling bedazzled bridal wellington boots. ‘It’s a bit twee.’

      Bea thwapped his chest with one of the glossy wedding magazines she’d found in her goodie bag. ‘Oh, is that because you’re more a castle-with-a-cream-tea sort of guy, dearest?’

      Eli laughed. ‘I do actually wonder what these allocations say about Harry and Nora’s opinion of our personalities. Like, why do we get the hay bales and horseshit and Baz and Cleo get the stately home, huh?’

      ‘Barlow begged off this morning, actually,’ Bea told him, looking down at the messages about just that in the WhatsApp bridesmaids’ group. Barlow was one of the other groomsmen, although with a busy pub to run Bea wasn’t quite sure how much help he was going to get to be in the run-up to this wedding. ‘He’d arranged for the assistant manager to come in and cover him but she called in sick. Cleo’s had to call up this guy she knows from work and get him to drive her out there.’

      Eli immediately looked interested. ‘What guy from work? Is it Mr Fifty Shades?’

      Bea sighed; Eli was always pretty interested in what Cleo was up to, naturally. ‘Seriously, Eli. We’ve talked about this. This is how you start rumours.’

      ‘I’m just saying! Who calls themselves Gray? He’s just asking for the comparison.’

      ‘Well, until he’s asking you for planning permission help to build a red room of pain, it’s probably an unfair comparison.’

      ‘I’ll keep that in mind. Because we architects get that all the time, by the way. Gotta be constantly on the lookout for all the sex perverts. Speaking of which, where’ve they sent Daisy?’

      ‘Nowhere. Unsurprisingly, Daisy felt like it probably wasn’t a wonderful idea for her to tell the guy she’s been on five dates with and only shagged for the first time last week that they were going wedding venue window-shopping,’ Bea pointed out.

      Eli’s fair eyebrows disappeared into his fringe. ‘Fair enough!’ Even though that year he was knocking on the door of thirty, Eli persisted on modelling his look on boybands-of-the-day; he’d had frosted spikes as a kid, greasy curtains as a teenager and now had some sort of floppy, asymmetrical ‘do that meant it took him twenty minutes to style it so it looked like he’d just gotten out of bed. He tended to date equally irritatingly coiffured women; the last one had a severe undercut dyed in an elaborate leopard-spot pattern. Daisy had got so shit-faced once she’d tried to stroke her. ‘Cole and Sarah?’ he queried.

      ‘Apparently Sarah has a doctor’s appointment today, or something. Jesus. Look at this,’ Bea tutted from the depths of the so-called goodie bag. ‘Mixed messages much? I’ve got a box of gourmet truffles in here, and a leaflet that gives me my first month free at Slimming World.’ She looked up. ‘What have you got?’

      Eli rummaged through his (helpfully colour-coded blue) bag. ‘Ooh, truffles too; nice. Er, discount vouchers for wine at Majestic; very nice. Austin Reed catalogue. Erm.’

      ‘So no subtle signals that you are a fat, hideous creature and that you should starve yourself until your wedding day, then?’

      ‘Nope.’ Eli grinned and popped one of the truffles into his mouth. ‘Now come on, you fat, hideous creature, let’s get on with it.’ Bea allowed him to push a truffle through her lips, managing to stay atop of the urge to nip at his fingertips. Just. ‘Have you got the checklist open?’

       Chapter 4

      ‘I’m just saying, I think it’s better that we go sooner rather than later.’

      ‘I appreciate that, love, I do. It just seems a little bit drastic. We’ve only been trying for a couple of months, after all.’

      Sarah stared at her handsome, СКАЧАТЬ