Switchwords: How to Use One Word to Get What You Want. Liz Dean

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СКАЧАТЬ and dealing with ‘block’ attitudes

      Blocks are logical. They have a purpose. They are not necessarily bad, limiting or disempowering. Often, they are there to protect us from a feeling associated with a memory we don’t want to revisit. When blocks become not just blocks to the past but blocks to the future, however, it’s time to identify why they exist and release the patterns of thinking they create. Generally, our blocks are hidden from our conscious awareness in our subconscious databank. As the subconscious drives so much of our everyday behaviour, we can often find that when we want to make positive changes to our lives we come up against conflict within. This struggle is a sign that we want to change.

      Are you in conflict?

      As the subconscious mind is powerful, it needs powerful motivation to change and clear old beliefs. We need to deliver this motivation in a different language, using words that don’t always make sense to the conscious mind. As Colette’s experience below shows (which may resonate with many of you wanting to break unhealthy habits), without the subconscious mind’s agreement with your plans your efforts will be half-hearted, and being stuck in a cycle of self-conflict leads to frustration and even despair. It also means your efforts will be short-lived – after all, it’s really uncomfortable to be in conflict with yourself for any length of time, so you give up on the diet, the new venture or that new job, which brings temporary relief from these feelings, but doesn’t ultimately move you towards your goal.

      Colette’s story: Weighing up the past

      Colette was 10 kilos overweight and admitted that she sabotaged her diet after around two weeks – just when she was beginning to feel and look better. She said, ‘Sometimes I would really hate myself for doing it – gorging on chocolate and giving up on myself – but I would do it anyway.’ Colette had been slim when a teenager and in her early twenties. She’d had a great figure (‘I had a tiny waist and big boobs’) and, as a consequence, lots of male interest. She dated lots of boys, and by the time she was 18 she admits she had ‘a bit of a reputation. I didn’t do half of the things I was accused of sexually, but somehow my body alone seemed to say it all.’ When she met her long-term partner John, she piled on the weight. After her first attempt to lose weight on a sensible long-term eating plan, she organised an evening with friends at a bar. ‘John was away that night and I was looking forward to going out – I’d lost loads of weight, I’d bought some new clothes, and I walked into the bar looking better than I had in years. All of a sudden, eyes were upon me. And I loved it – for the first time in ages, I was getting male attention.’ But over the next three months Colette ate lots more and regained her fat.

      ‘I came to understand that fat protected me from a part of myself I didn’t trust,’ she explains. ‘I wanted to be with John, but being slim again took me right back to being a teenager – when I wasn’t good at saying no to advances.’ Colette’s weight gain was logical. It served a purpose in her life, keeping away feelings of shame and guilt, but it was slowly eating away at her confidence to take control of her weight and her life.

      She chanted the Switchwords FORGIVE and RESTORE. Colette is working on liking herself more and trusting that she will feel safe at whatever weight she chooses to be.

      Recognising self-conflict

      You know when you’re in a conscious/subconscious conflict when there’s negative self-talk. There’s frustration, irritation and self-criticism, and projection of all this onto other people who make you feel bad because of their success. And then you’re more annoyed with yourself for being negative about people you know you should applaud – and so the cycle continues. The simplest way to look at this is to honestly assess if your actions reflect your goals. Do you take action, commit to a goal and do what you say you’ll do most of the time?

      One key indicator of self-conflict is procrastination. When we procrastinate (becoming indecisive or reluctant to take action) it’s likely that we are avoiding not just the task, but also the feelings we’ll have to encounter if we do the task. If we begin that book, mow the lawn, turn down that job, will it lead to failure, regret or even a simple lack of enjoyment we don’t want to deal with? Procrastination keeps us safe from feelings we don’t want to feel, but procrastination also keeps us stuck. The more we procrastinate, the more the experience of procrastination itself (never mind the old experiences that might be causing it) becomes established as a neural pathway in the brain. This happens because our lived experiences cause our brain cells – neurons – to connect with each other and grow, or, as Hebb’s Law has it: ‘Neurons that fire together, wire together.’ Procrastination becomes a habit, and the more you do it – like any habit – the more familiar it becomes. As that neural pathway grows from a country lane to a motorway, busy with avoidance thoughts, procrastination becomes the reflex response when faced with a decision. It inhibits our sense of confidence and imbues us with a lack of self-trust – we can’t rely on ourselves when we need to.

      Try this: Get out of self-conflict and align with your goal

      Here are two Switch-pairs to help clear the block of self-conflict: RELEASE-RESISTANCE and TOGETHER-CHANGE. First, say RELEASE-RESISTANCE. How do you feel? What’s going on in your body? Did you sigh and feel a sense of release?

      Now declare TOGETHER-CHANGE. TOGETHER, the master Switchword, brings your conscious and subconscious minds together as one. CHANGE clears away whatever you don’t want or need (including anxiety, pain and negative thoughts – see here). Try also the finger-muscle test to see which Switch-pair resonates most strongly for you (see here).

      Seeing conflict in others – Julie and Lorna

      We can often recognise conflict more readily in others than in ourselves. Julie was planning her wedding. Julie had been close friends with Lorna since childhood, and they had often joked about the far-off day when one of them would get married and how they would organise each other’s hen party. Lorna was single, and Julie, at 32, was getting her wedding.

      Lorna was calling Julie less frequently than usual, but Lorna seemed to be saying the right thing when they did talk, albeit briefly – how happy she was for her friend, and what a lovely wedding it would be. Yet every time Julie asked Lorna for help, or even just asked her opinion on where to go for the hen party, Lorna changed the subject. The upshot was that Lorna did not do anything to arrange the party and gave a weak excuse not to attend just a few days beforehand. Lorna said one thing, yet did quite the opposite. Julie felt confused by the mixed messages.

      Lorna was partly angry with Julie for getting married and abandoning her, which showed in her avoidance tactics. The other part of her that she expressed in words was the acceptable part, the part that wanted to be supportive. Lorna was in conflict with herself, unable to reconcile all her feelings about her best friend’s wedding – and it showed. Julie’s other friends could clearly see Lorna’s dilemma; Lorna could not. She thought she had buried her feelings of jealousy, but they were there for all to see in her actions – or lack thereof.

      If I had known Lorna at this time, I would have advised her to use the master Switchword TOGETHER (although she was in such denial that the problem lay with her that she may not have been open to addressing an issue she didn’t perceive as hers). But when you are able to identify conflict in yourself or others, even if you don’t understand the suppressed feelings behind it, you can recite or intend TOGETHER. Recite it for yourself, or project it towards the person who needs it (write their name in an Energy Circle with the word TOGETHER – see here).

      When you declare TOGETHER, you’ll find that you’ll become more aware of any underlying issue that’s blocking happiness or fulfilment, and be able to release it.

      How СКАЧАТЬ