Hannah’s Choice: A daughter's love for life. The mother who let her make the hardest decision of all.. Hannah Jones

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СКАЧАТЬ cousins Katie, who is ten, and Toby, who’s a bit younger than Phoebe. Becky, our friend who used to live over the road from us, also came with her mum Lindy and sister Abby. We all gave Dad his presents when we got to the pub and I’d made him a card using a craft kit which I’d covered in hearts and flowers. I also got him a tie and some chocolates because he loves those.

      I got to dress up especially to go out because earlier this week I went into town with £40 that I’d saved up from my pocket money. I don’t often look around the shops but I was really looking forward to going and seeing what there was. I’m awful at making up my mind, though, so I went from shop to shop before going back to the first place to buy the first thing I saw. I always do that because I have to be sure that what I think I like is what I really want. So when I was finally certain, I bought some gold sandals I’d seen in the first shop. It’s still only April and my feet might get a bit cold when I wear them but they’re really nice. I’d like to have heels but can only wear flat shoes because my balance isn’t good enough for high ones. Lucy has got some platforms but they make me fall over.

      Lucy and I were so excited about going out for Dad’s birthday that we started getting ready yesterday afternoon. We’ve both got makeup and so I did hers before painting her nails. Then she did my toes but I did my fingers because she makes them too messy. Mum doesn’t usually like us wearing makeup but we’re allowed to on special occasions. The trouble was that we were ready by 3 p.m. and so Mum sent me to bed to have a rest. She said I’d be too tired if I didn’t sleep and I knew she was right, but it was still boring.

      I got out of bed just before we left and had roast chicken, chips, peas and a knickerbocker glory at the pub. Then we sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to Dad as a waitress brought his pudding with a candle in it. That was when the fun really started because some of our friends were on a big table behind us. They’re called Tina and Marco and they own an equestrian centre near our house where Lucy and Mum go riding sometimes.

      Everything was normal until suddenly a rolled-up napkin landed on the table in front of Lucy and me. We looked around and Marco was laughing, so we lobbed one back. That was it. Marco threw another napkin, Mum chucked one back at him and then Marco flicked a pea which flew over my head and landed on the table. Lucy and I were really laughing by now as I threw a piece of bread. Then suddenly Tina, her daughter Emma and another little girl I didn’t know all joined in. Everyone was at it until Dad got cross and told Lucy and me to stop.

      ‘You should know better, Hannah,’ Dad said, and I knew he was angry because the people who own the pub are his friends.

      Mum started clearing up bits of napkin and bread while Dad stomped off back to the car. But instead of feeling bad, I felt annoyed because I was the one getting all the blame even though it wasn’t all my fault. That always happens. Lucy and I can be nutty when we’re together, and once when Dad sent us to our bedrooms we hid in hers and decided that we were going to put Mum’s knickers on our head, bang all the saucepans together and do karaoke so loud that Dad couldn’t hear the TV. We didn’t do any of it in the end but I’m sure I’d have got the blame if we had because I’m the oldest. It really annoys me.

      So I was feeling angry until I got in the car, and Dad was quiet. Then I started feeling bad because I realised that I’d ruined his party. I felt worse and worse until we got home and I went to bed which was where Mum found me crying when she came in to say goodnight.

      ‘I’ve messed everything up,’ I told her. ‘And I’ve been told off twice. I know when I’ve ruined things.’

      (I’d actually only been told off once by Dad, but I thought Mum was going to as well when she came in to see me so I added that in.) But then Mum told me not to worry and that Dad was fine – everything had been cleared up and no harm had been done – which is when I got angry again. I knew Mum was trying to make me feel not too bad, which was nice of her, but everyone has to feel sorry sometimes and so do I. It annoys me when people treat me differently and that’s why I didn’t like Mum doing it because one of the best things about my family is that I’m normal to them which makes up for all the people who give me the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang look. Remember how scared the baroness was when the children took over her castle? How she screamed at the sight of them? Well, that’s how some people look at me and it’s the worst – worse even than when Dad gets a face like thunder if we interrupt his rugby game on TV – and the reason I hate it is because I know the person giving it to me doesn’t see me as a normal teenager.

      Now I know I’m not exactly average: I’m thirteen and I’ve been in and out of hospital all my life. But the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang look tells me I’m abnormal, and while I know I’m a bit different I’m not a total weirdo. That’s why I like my mates so much because they never look at me like that, and that’s why I got so angry when Mum tried to make me feel better because it made me feel like it does when a teacher gives out homework at school before saying to me: ‘Do as much as you can.’ They usually say it quietly but even if everyone has left the class I reckon people are still in the corridor so they can hear. When a teacher says that I’m like, ‘Whatever! I can’t run a race but I can do my schoolwork.’ (Actually, I don’t say that but I shout it in my head.)

      It’s not that I want to do homework or anything. In fact, I hated homework from the moment I started going to school when I was nearly ten. I had not been to school since I was sick as a little girl, and me and homework didn’t get on because when I got home it was dinner time, TV and bed. There was no time for homework and I don’t understand why kids have to do it anyway because we’re at school for more than half the day which should be enough. But even though I hate it, I hate it more when a teacher makes out that I don’t have to do it because I don’t want to be treated any differently to anyone else.

      So I was still angry when Mum left my bedroom and Dad came in to say goodnight. But then he told me he’d had a nice time and I promised I wouldn’t throw napkins again when we went out, so I felt better. And I know it’s good that Mum and Dad tell me off even though it’s bad, if you see what I mean. It shows that they’re not going to tiptoe around me like some people do. It’s always been that way, and although I can’t remember much about being in hospital with leukaemia Mum has told me that she even got cross with me back then because I kicked a doctor. I couldn’t believe I’d done that! But she’s right to get angry sometimes because if people were nice to me all the time I’d have them wrapped around my little finger. I’d be able to do exactly what I want and there have to be rules otherwise I wouldn’t get anywhere. Things would also fall apart in our house because there are four kids here.

      It’s a bit like Wind in the Willows when Badger tries to get Toad out of his obsession with cars. Toad is doing all sorts of stupid things and Badger tells him it’s got to stop. But Toad doesn’t listen so they lock him up in his room and he climbs out of the window, escapes and ends up in prison. It’s not until near the end of the book that he realises Badger was right and he was wrong.

      The problem is that Toad doesn’t have any discipline, and look where he ends up. He has to learn that there are different kinds of discipline too: the bigger one that stops you from chucking napkins around because other people will get angry and the smaller one that stops you from doing things which aren’t good for you. I had to learn that one when I first came out of hospital after saying no to a heart transplant because while I was in bed most of the time at first, my energy got bigger and bigger as I got stronger. But then I realised that if I did too much I’d feel ill again, so I had to learn not to even though I wanted to go mad. I had to save my energy so I could do stuff later like wind Phoebe up otherwise my blood pressure would drop and I’d see funny lights in front of my eyes.

      It was really hard because sometimes I wanted to get up so much that I almost had to ask Mum to pin me down. But eventually I taught myself to stay still even though being bored and tired is the worst thing in the world for me. Being bored and tired is worse than salmon, swordfish, prawns in mayonnaise, СКАЧАТЬ