Wife 22. Melanie Gideon

Чтение книги онлайн.

СКАЧАТЬ there, by the windows. Come on.”

      William puts his hand on my shoulder. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

      There’s no traffic on the bridge and I wish there was. Heading home is usually something I relish: the anticipation of getting into my pajamas, curling up on the couch with the clicker, the kids asleep upstairs (or pretending to be asleep but likely texting and IM’ing away in their beds)—but tonight I’d like to stay in the car and just drive somewhere, anywhere. The evening has been dislocating, and I’m unable to shake the feeling that William is embarrassed by me.

      “Why are you so quiet? Did you have too much to drink?” he asks.

      “Tired,” I mumble.

      “Frank Potter is a piece of work.”

      “I like him.”

      “You like Frank Potter? He’s such a player.”

      “Yes, but he’s honest. He doesn’t try and hide the fact. And he’s always been kind to me.”

      William taps his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the radio. I close my eyes.

      “Alice?”

      “What?”

      “You seem funny lately.”

      “Funny how?”

      “I don’t know. Are you going through some sort of a midlife thing?”

      “I don’t know. Are you going through some sort of a midlife thing?”

      William shakes his head and turns up the music. I lean against the window and gaze out at the millions of lights twinkling in the East Bay hills. Oakland looks so festive, almost holidayish—it makes me think of my mother.

      My mother died two days before Christmas. I was fifteen. She went out to get a gallon of eggnog and was struck by a man who ran a red light. I like to think she never knew what was happening. There was a screech of metal hitting metal, and then a gentle whooshing, like the sound of a river, and then, a peachy light flooding into the car. That’s the end I’ve imagined for her.

      I’ve recited her death story so many times the details are stripped of their meaning. Sometimes when people ask about my mother I’m filled with a strange, not entirely unpleasant nostalgia. I can vividly summon up the streets of Brockton, Massachusetts, that on that December day must have been garlanded with tinsel and lights. There would have been lines of people at the liquor store, their carts packed with cases of beer and jugs of wine, and the air would have smelled of pine needles from the Christmas tree lot. But that nostalgia for what came immediately before is soon vanquished by the opaque after. Then my head fills with the cheesy opening soundtrack to Magnum, P.I. That’s what my father was watching when the phone rang and a woman on the other end gently informed us there had been an accident.

      Why am I thinking about this tonight? Is it, as William asks, a midlife thing? The clock is certainly ticking. This September when I turn forty-five, I will be exactly the same age my mother was when she died. This is my tipping-point year.

      Up until now I’ve been able to comfort myself with the fact that even though my mother is dead, she was always out in front of me. I had yet to cross all the thresholds she had crossed and so she was still somehow alive. But what happens when I move past her? When no more of her thresholds exist?

      I glance over at William. Would my mother approve of him? Would she approve of my children, my career—my marriage?

      “Do you want to stop at 7-Eleven?” asks William.

      Ducking into 7-Eleven for a Kit Kat bar after a night out on the town is a tradition for us.

      “No. I’m full.”

      “Thanks for coming to the launch.”

      Is that his way of apologizing for how dismissive he was tonight?

      “Uh-huh.”

      “Did you have fun?”

      “Sure.”

      William pauses. “You’re a very bad liar, Alice Buckle.”

      3

      April 30

      1:15 A.M.

      GOOGLE SEARCH “Alice Buckle”

      About 26 results (.01 seconds)

      Alice in Wonderland Belt Buckles

      Including the Mad Tea Party buckle, Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum buckle, the White Rabbit buckle, Humpty Dumpty buckle …

      Alice BUCKLE

      Boston Globe archive … Ms. Buckle’s play, The Barmaid of Great Cranberry Island, Blue Hill Playhouse “wan, boring, absurd” …

      Alice BUCKLE

      Alice and William Buckle, parents of Zoe and Peter, enjoying the sunset aboard the …

      GOOGLE SEARCH “Midwife crisis”

      About 2,333,000 results (.18 seconds)

      Urban Dictionary: Midwife crisis

      The act of dropping a newborn on its head shortly after birth.

      GOOGLE SEARCH “MidLIFE crisis”

      About 3,490,000 results (.15 seconds)

      Midlife Crisis—Wikipedia the Free Encyclopedia

      Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 …

      Midlife Crisis: Depression or Normal Transition?

      Midlife transitions can mark a period of tremendous growth. But what do you do when midlife becomes a crisis that develops into depression?

      GOOGLE SEARCH “Zoloft”

      About 31,600,000 (.12 seconds)

      Zoloft (Sertraline HCl) Drug Information: Uses, Side Effects

      Learn about the prescription medication Zoloft (Sertraline HCl), drug uses, dosage, side effects, drug interactions, warnings, and patient labeling …

      Sertraline … Zoloft

      Let me tell you about my experience with Zoloft. I was released from the psych ward yesterday afternoon …

      GOOGLE SEARCH “Keys in refrigerator Alzheimer’s”

      About 1,410,000 results (.25 seconds)

      Alzheimer’s Symptoms

      The Alzheimer’s Association has updated its list of the … putting the keys in the egg tray in СКАЧАТЬ