The Snake-Oil Dickens Man. Ross Gilfillan

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СКАЧАТЬ held out her arms which were lividly red up past the elbow and her hands, wrinkled as a corduroy road, closed me to her bosom.

      ‘Nobody, Billy. I didn’t mean that,’ she said. ‘Only sometimes little people get swept into a corner by the big folk and once they get themselves in that corner, there just ain’t no escapin’.’

      III

      D’Orleans and Wilkes were seated before the most sumptuous table I had ever laid at the Particular. I served them with turkey and chicken and ham and pork and every kind of vittle we had in the larder. Then I brought the wine and was startled, as much as injured, when Merriweather struck me hard for bringing out the second-best. He sent me to fetch bottles from his own stock, apologising to his guests all the while. When I had set wine and a box of cigars upon the table, Merriweather ventured to pull up a chair and address the opulently-attired Mr D’Orleans.

      ‘I’m told you are agents for Mr Barnum,’ he said, with a smile you might have hung cups on.

      ‘’Deed we are,’ said Wilkes, through his own chip-toothed grin. ‘Our job’s to make sure everything’s fine and dandy when the travelling museum comes to town. I’m in sole charge of advance publicity. Maybe you seen some of them bills I posted?’

      Merriweather nodded but his eyes were fastened upon Mr D’Orleans who continued to eat, quite daintily; eating and observing, but so far without saying anything.

      ‘And a nation hard job it is,’ the thin man was saying. ‘Barnum demands the best and only the best will do.’

      ‘Barnum’s is a pretty bully show, ain’t it?’ said Merriweather.

      ‘Why I should say it is,’ said the man. ‘Best since C’ligula. It’s been laid before the kings and queens of Europe. Barnum give ’em the best seats hisself.’

      ‘Old Barnum must be making a sizeable pile of money,’ observed Merriweather, eyeing D’Orleans’ ring.

      Here Mr D’Orleans slowly ground out his cigar and spoke.

      ‘The trick, as I’m sure you appreciate, is in spending money to make money.’

      Merriweather nodded, eagerly.

      ‘If Barnum thinks whales are what the public wants to see, he catches them and shows them at the museum, regardless of expense. Barnum has men scouring the earth for fantastical novelties that will pull the city crowds through the doors of his American Museum or the country folk after his travelling circus. Do you know how much it costs Barnum to take this huge show about the states? But it doesn’t matter because Barnum knows he’ll get it back, and more. He spends money on seeing to it that his show is always the best and he also spends on publicising the name of Barnum. Investing and advertising, that’s Barnum’s trick.’

      ‘I got charge of that,’ said Wilkes, ‘I post the bills, get the puffs in the newspapers, spread the word, hang the bunting, maybe rustle up a band to play Barnum into town. That way, when the caravan turns up, there’s a crowd of customers there already, just begging him to take their dollars. Oh, I think I can say that Barnum knows my worth.’

      ‘Indeed he does,’ said Mr D’Orleans.

      Merriweather regarded the bigger man with fascination.

      ‘Mind if I inquire what is your function, precisely?’ he said.

      ‘I call it attending to details,’ said D’Orleans. ‘Mr Barnum is accustomed to the best of everything. He can’t take his circus just anywhere. Everything has to be suitable. He can as easily set the show some place else. It’s not just a matter of a likely spot to pitch the tents and corral the animals. Mr Barnum and his performers need their rest, away from the hurly-burly and quality accommodation is not always easily found.’

      ‘Very true,’ said Merriweather.

      Mr D’Orleans adopted a confidential tone. ‘Mr Merriweather, I take you for a smart businessman. A man doesn’t come to have an establishment as fine as this without being sharp.’

      Merriweather nodded complacently.

      ‘So I hardly need to explain to you the opportunity this will afford?’

      ‘No, no, I can see that. I heard what it’s done for other places. Why only this morning, I was saying to Silas Amory that what this town needs is some big attraction. I guess the Barnum show would do it.’

      ‘And you would be agreeable that Mr Barnum and his party lodge here? I did notice another establishment by the railroad …’

      ‘That plague-hole ain’t fit for Mr Barnum,’ said Merriweather. ‘No, you must have him come here. He’ll get the best of everything.’

      ‘That’s well because, of course, that’s what he is used to. Now, it’s a tedious business but there are certain small matters that will need attending to before I telegraph Mr Barnum with confirmation that both town and accommodation will suit.’

      Telegraph Mr Barnum! That was a good ’un, I thought, as I refilled the glasses.

      In the event the business seemed anything but tedious to Mr D’Orleans as he listed the requirements of P.T. Barnum and Merriweather copied them down. D’Orleans was evidently a man who delighted in making the most thorough of preparations. He rocked back in his chair, put his shiny boots upon the table and invited me to light his cigar.

      ‘Mr Barnum is partial to a good smoke,’ he began. ‘These will never do. But you can procure more?’

      ‘Oh, cigars? I don’t think that’ll be no problem,’ said Merriweather.

      ‘And while this sort of thing,’ he indicated the bones of the fowl on his plate, ‘is quite adequate for Wilkes and I, when it comes to Mr Barnum, it simply won’t do. I’m sure you understand.’

      ‘’Course I do,’ said Merriweather. ‘You just tell me what he wants and I’ll see he gets it.’

      ‘I should have your cellar replenished.’ He tossed off a bumper of Merriweather’s premium claret as if it were sarsaparilla. ‘I can recommend some vintages, if you like.’

      Merriweather frowned at the stranger and said: ‘Pardon me, but I thought he was a teetotaller?’

      ‘Mr Barnum is, certainly,’ said D’Orleans. ‘It keeps the temperance folk sweet, but,’ and he touched his nose, ‘there are those of his party who are partial to a good Bordeaux. With the time they have spent in France, how could it be otherwise? I shall need to inspect your cellar.’

      ‘Well, there ain’t much to inspect but I guess I can get more supplied,’ said Merriweather.

      ‘Then there’s the matter of accommodation. He’ll take your best apartment.’

      ‘Nothing wrong with the one you’ve got, is there?’

      ‘Mr Barnum will want something more spacious. And, of course, rooms for his closer associates.’

      ‘Of course, of course. How many?’

      ‘All of them, at least,’ said D’Orleans.

      ‘But СКАЧАТЬ