Almost 5'4". Isobella Jade
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Название: Almost 5'4"
Автор: Isobella Jade
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Биографии и Мемуары
isbn: 9780007357352
isbn:
He said that with my tan skin color, I would look pretty if I wore it around my head like a veil and used it to cover my body. Only then did I wonder whether I’d shaved or not and if I should go and put lotion on my legs. I was so focused on him, his movements, and the quiet between us, that I forgot I had on my gold necklace, earrings and angel ring, but he said it was OK.
Since it felt like his shoot, I had followed and played along till now but I started to feel more like his afternoon whore as I picked up the material and wrapped it around me the best I could to cover all of my private parts. The white fabric did look really pretty against my skin. I felt sexy. I wanted Danny to see me like this, I wanted to be touched and caressed while I wore the fabric around me. I could feel myself getting excited and the triangle I had shaved felt itchy and moist. I wondered if the photographer was married. If he had children. When he last had sex.
We took a few shots of me looking down and some from a side profile. I felt like a Middle Eastern Princess about to lose my virginity.
After the fabric shot I stayed without a bra, but put my shorts back on and went downstairs. I put on a sheer tan top that still showed my nipples and we took some shots near an ethnic-inspired cloth mural on the wall. Then we went to the dining area, where I changed again, and sat on a pink and cream carpet that looked like a quilted blanket. I faced the mirror and wore only a lace black thong and a little lace tank top, the most clothing I had worn at the shoot.
By the time we were finished, Joel still had noticed nothing. In the car he said, ‘That guy was really cool. I bet it’s expensive to have a place like that.’ He didn’t know about the nude shots. He didn’t say one word about the shoot; he just kept talking. ‘I want my own company one day.’
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I tried to think of each shot and imagine what the picture would look like.
I could have asked Danny to drive me to the shoot – he had a car – but we had just started dating and I didn’t want to scare him off with my modeling adventures just yet. We had dinner together that night and I wanted to burst from holding in all the excitement of my first naked modeling experience. A few days later, I did tell Danny of my modeling dream but he was less than enthusiastic. He liked me the way I was when he first met me – a boring waitress, not a sexy model.
But I was planning on modeling all summer and he would just have to accept it. I let Danny drive me back to pick up my photos, but I made him promise not to say anything to my mother or my sister about it. Then I asked him to take a couple of photos of me by the lake; he didn’t know if he wanted to. In the end, I forced him, telling him how to hold the camera, how to click it. I got pissed when he didn’t know how to zoom.
I tried to lead a normal life: dinner with my mother, watching MTV, hanging out with friends at the mall or sitting by their pools talking about boys. But before too long, I wanted to be back in front of my computer admiring my profile and checking for emails. I told no one of my new project. I wasn’t confident enough to tell my friends, in case nothing came from it. At the time, finding a modeling agency hadn’t crossed my mind. I didn’t understand what it meant to be with an agency or how to get with one. Besides, they all had height requirements and I knew I would be too short for them. I was fine with the Internet. It was making me a model.
I wasn’t in a hurry to look at the shots of myself from the wedding hall. It wasn’t the photos that enticed me, it was the feeling of being photographed, the feeling of being in front of a lens. Only when I was alone in my bedroom did I examine them closely.
My nipples were very perky and could be seen even in the bra shots, but I was too embarrassed to show anyone. I took the 4″ × 6″ prints that screamed ‘nipple’ and hid them in a folder, putting the ones where I was wearing the black lace lingerie in my ‘portfolio’, a cheap Wal-Mart photo album. When Joel called to see them I changed the topic right away and told him I wasn’t really serious about modeling, even though I was checking my email over five times a day and scoping my mini-website for an hour at a time. I would admire my page and check out other girls’ images, reading their comments and comparing mine. The words of applause and compliments, from photographers and other models, stayed with me throughout the day.
June 2001, Syracuse, New York
‘Hello, I’m a petite model with a great body and I will be moving to New York City in three weeks…’
‘Hello, I like your work, and I am a petite model with a lot of personality and a great body and I will be moving to New York City in two weeks…’
‘Sorry I won’t be in town for two weeks, but I would like to keep in touch to schedule a shoot when I arrive.’
‘Yes, I am interested in your lingerie shoot. I will be in New York City in one week.’
‘I will be in New York City in three days!’
‘Yes, I have a class on Wednesday, but I can do the shoot after my class.’
I didn’t want to waste a second. I mailed ahead to all the photographers I could find in New York to let them know I would be in town soon. I wanted to be naked again and feel the light touching my skin.
I moved to New York City, or more accurately Brooklyn Heights, on September 1, 2001. Ten days later, two iconic buildings crashed down. I hardly knew the meaning of those buildings and, honestly, the only way their fall affected me was the lack of running subways for the week afterwards. I wasn’t from New York City and had never even heard of the Twin Towers until I first set eyes on the skyline.
That morning, I slept through the whole crisis in my dorm room. I thought it was just thunder or a dump truck going past. When my mother called at 9 A.M., I just ignored her. Afterwards I walked to the promenade in my pajamas to see it for myself and tried to understand and feel something sad for a city I had just met and was so confident about. I decided to make something of the day and brushed my teeth thinking about the young men in suits, maybe their first expensive one, off to the job they worked their ass off to get. I spit the foam into the sink and prayed that I would live to see myself as a model no matter what it took.
I have always hated maps, or directions of any kind, but I needed to find my way around a new city. Everyone else seemed so confident; they all knew where they were going and how to get there. I wasn’t sure I could even find my way to class. I studied the MTA map in the hope it would cast a spell on me, that СКАЧАТЬ