Dead Secret. Ava McCarthy

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СКАЧАТЬ jerked up his chin to survey her in the mirror. ‘Look at you, you’re a mess.’

      She closed her eyes.

       Lift up the damn gun!

      ‘You’re not well, Jodie, I’ve been telling you that for weeks. You need help.’

      Her muscles were rigid. She opened her eyes, squinted against a blaze of oncoming headlights. Then she stared at the back of Ethan’s head, at the longish hair waving in S-bends down to his collar. She gripped the gun. Tried to picture herself touching the barrel to his skull.

      She failed.

       Do it! What are you waiting for?

      She knew she was stalling. Told herself she was waiting for the road to clear, so no one else got hurt. Was she losing her nerve? Maybe she just needed to hear him say it one last time.

      She swallowed hard. ‘I talked to Zach.’

      Ethan’s gaze shot to hers in the mirror. ‘I told you not to do that.’

      ‘I don’t do everything you say, Ethan, you should know that by now.’

      ‘You’re crazy. Zach’s not going to believe your far-fetched story, I told you that.’

      ‘You were right. He didn’t.’

      The Bentley glided around a bend, its headlights sweeping across the trees and over water lacquered black by the dark. She clasped both hands around the gun, keeping it low.

      ‘So I wrote it all down in a letter,’ she went on. ‘Everything you did, everything you told me. I wrote down what I was going to do now, so there’d be no confusion later. So no one else could get blamed by mistake.’

      He half-turned towards her, the shadows catching the angles of his jaw and the trademark, barely there beard.

      ‘You’re not making any sense, Jodie.’

      ‘I couldn’t trust Zach not to bury it. The letter, I mean. So I posted it to the District Attorney’s office.’

      There was a hitch in the Bentley’s cruising motion.

      ‘Jesus Christ.’

      ‘By the time they get it, it’ll all be over.’

      ‘What the hell have you done?’

      ‘They need to know why I’m doing this. They need to know what you are.’

      ‘My God, listen to yourself. Do you hear what you’re saying?’

      His knuckles were taut against the wheel. He shook his head, dragged a hand over his shadowy stubble. In the mirror, his eyes looked tired and strained. He was only thirty-nine, ten years older than Jodie, but now and then his face seemed haggard.

      ‘You’ve brought this all on yourself, Jodie. I hope you’re happy.’

      Her insides turned stony. Ethan’s eyes flicked to the mirror.

      ‘Don’t give me that look, you know I’m right. If it wasn’t for you, Abby would still be alive.’

      Something tore at her breath. ‘You were the one who took her out in the boat, Ethan.’

      She flashed on that day six weeks earlier: Ethan holding Abby’s hand, demanding time alone with his daughter; their voices drifting off as he closed the door behind them.

      ‘I want Mommy to come.’

      ‘Mommy prefers her silly old paints to spending time with us.’

      Then the call from Zach saying Abby had fallen overboard; Jodie’s world crashing, hurtling down; helicopters thudding over the Contoocook River; the frantic wait; and finally, darkness calling off the search, and Zach kneeling down beside her to say her precious Abby was gone.

      After that, nothing.

      A black hole.

      Then a heart-slamming grief that snatched her up, day after day, flung her around and ripped her apart like a fisher cat.

      ‘I had to get Abby away,’ Ethan was saying. ‘I explained all this.’

      Headlights bore down on them, burning holes in the dark. Ethan’s eyes drilled into hers.

      ‘You were the one who wanted to leave, to take her away from me. Imagine how that would’ve hurt Abby. We had a close bond, everyone noticed it.’

      Jodie’s chest constricted. It was true. Abby had loved Ethan, and he had loved her back. It was why Jodie had stayed so long in the marriage, trying to make it work. It was why everything else that had happened was so diabolical.

      ‘I warned you over and over,’ Ethan went on. ‘I said, if you try to keep her from me, I’ll take her away. I’ll take her some place where you’ll never see her again.’

      Nausea stirred in Jodie’s gut, her body rejecting the truth all over again. Ethan was still talking.

      ‘I picked a pretty spot. That fishing place she likes, down by the covered railroad bridge.’

      Jodie stared at the insects whirling in the headlights, resisting the urge to block her ears. She needed to hear him say it again.

      ‘I made sure she was asleep,’ he said. ‘The water wasn’t cold, she didn’t wake up once.’

      The queasiness spurted into Jodie’s bowels, churning pinpricks of sweat out through her pores. Ethan kept talking.

      ‘I stayed there in the boat until it was all over. She knew I’d never leave her alone out there in the water.’

      Jodie swallowed, aware of tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn’t know how long she’d been crying.

      ‘I had to do it, Jodie, you were going to break the family up. I had to protect her.’

      ‘Dear sweet Jesus.’ Jodie’s voice was a whisper.

      His eyes darted to hers in the mirror. Watchful, assessing. As though checking to make sure she was in pain.

      Her fingers clenched around the gun. She took in his fine-hewn profile, the dark hair that brushed his collar. He looked so charming, so normal. That was what made him so terrifying.

      ‘Why didn’t you just kill me, Ethan? I was the one who was leaving, Abby did nothing.’ She was sobbing now. ‘For the love of God, why didn’t you just kill me?’

      His eyes turned shrewd, and he didn’t answer. His gaze slid back to the road.

      ‘No one can prove anything.’

      But Jodie didn’t need his answer. She knew why he’d done it. He’d killed his little girl because he wanted to punish Jodie.

      Retribution.

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