The Transition. Luke Kennard

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СКАЧАТЬ were running, side by side, on a double treadmill. Stu was able to keep a conversation going as if they were sitting in a bar. Karl, who only ran when he needed to catch a train, felt a little less able to draw breath, let alone speak.

      ‘People say running clears your mind,’ said Stu, ‘and you know what the key to that is?’

      ‘N … No.’

      ‘You keep doing it,’ said Stu. ‘You keep doing it until all you can think about is how much you hate running and how much you don’t want to be running any more. Suddenly, magic! All the cares of this world have melted away. You just want it to end. You are a non-physical being, a spirit of pure hatred of running.’

      ‘That,’ said Karl, clutching the stitch in the side of his stomach, ‘is something I can get behind.’

      Twenty minutes later he was pouring with sweat, sitting in a weight-lifting machine the like of which he had only ever seen in Hollywood montages.

      ‘We ran two miles,’ said Stu. ‘Feels good, right?’

      ‘No.’

      ‘Start on level three,’ said Stu, taking the push-pin out of 16 and placing it on the second hole. ‘First week on three. People always start too high and get demoralised. Do ten.’

      Karl pushed the bars, which felt light. He brought the bars back to his sides again and pushed. A little more resistance.

      ‘So what’s the story?’ said Stu.

      ‘You mean how I got here? Somewhere between fraud and tax evasion and incompetence,’ said Karl.

      ‘No, no, I know all that,’ said Stu. ‘I mean with you and Genevieve. How’d you meet?’

      Karl finished his tenth lift.

      ‘Ten more,’ said Stu.

      ‘University,’ said Karl. ‘She was a friend of a friend. I was obsessed with her.’

      ‘Not hard to see why.’

      ‘In fact it totally ruined my three years of university. I didn’t even talk to another girl the whole time I was there. Then I didn’t see her for a decade. I had, like, three pretty joyless relationships with women who weren’t her. And then one day Genevieve just sent me an email asking if I remembered her.’

      ‘How long have you been together?’

      ‘Four years,’ said Karl.

      ‘And how’s that going?’

      ‘I feel very lucky.’

      ‘Good.’

      ‘Very lucky.’

      ‘You are. She’s gorgeous.’

      Karl smiled. He liked other men admiring Genevieve.

      ‘Now don’t get me wrong,’ said Stu, ‘you’re a good bloke and I’m sure you have your qualities – but there’s a fairly standard way someone like you gets a girl like Genevieve.’

      ‘Oh? What’s that?’

      ‘You won’t take this the wrong way?’

      ‘No, of course not.’

      ‘I tell it as I see it,’ said Stu. ‘Some people don’t like that.’

      ‘Tell away,’ said Karl. If Stu said something he didn’t like, it would only serve to make him value Stu’s opinion less.

      ‘You’re a fairly ordinary-looking guy,’ said Stu.

      ‘I’ve always thought so.’

      ‘So is she damaged goods?’ said Stu.

      ‘I’m sorry?’

      ‘Come on,’ said Stu. ‘When she got back in touch with you, after ten years … I’m not asking you to tell me what she survived or the condition she was diagnosed with or whatever. I just wanted to say that I’ve noticed. You look after her. I couldn’t see it at first, but I do now.’

      ‘Right,’ said Karl, relieved that Stu had brought the conversation round to a form of compliment again, something easy to accept. ‘Well, thanks.’

      ‘You’re caring, which is good. What I want to give you,’ said Stu, ‘is a little more self-esteem. I’ve been insulting you and you’re not even offended. Men keep their self-esteem in the biceps and pectoral muscles. You should feel that you’re in an equal relationship with Genevieve. Does that make sense?’

      ‘I guess so,’ said Karl.

      ‘I guess so,’ said Stu. ‘You sound like a Muppet. I don’t mean like “you muppet”, I mean like an actual Muppet, from The Muppet Show. Lose the Americanisms. Try to sound like yourself.’

      Karl swallowed.

      ‘We’ll finish with a hundred press-ups,’ said Stu.

      ‘I’m sorry?’

      ‘That sounds more like your real voice. We’ll do them together. Come on.’

      ‘I don’t think I can do twenty,’ said Karl.

      ‘You can do a thousand,’ said Stu. ‘Might take you a week, but there you go. We’ll do a hundred, as long as it takes, then you can go and have a shower.’

      Karl laughed.

      ‘What’s funny?’

      He assumed the position. His arms already burned from the weights, but the first five press-ups were relatively easy. After the eleventh, Stu waited, supporting his weight with one hand while Karl completed his twelfth press-up.

      ‘Don’t give in at the first sign of resistance,’ said Stu. He sounded genuinely cross. ‘This is important.’

      Slowly Karl lowered himself so that his nose was touching the rubber floor.

      ‘Come on,’ said Stu. ‘That’s it.’

      Karl tensed his chest. He felt like he was made of loose Meccano. He forced himself up again.

      ‘Eighty-six to go,’ said Stu.

      His arms shaking, Karl lowered himself again.

      ‘Eighty-five and a half.’

      ‘This is ridiculous,’ stuttered Karl.

      ‘This is ridiculous,’ Stu mimicked. ‘That’s fifteen. Good … Why aren’t you moving? Your wife will be wondering where you are.’

      ‘Twenty-three,’ said Stu. ‘You said you couldn’t do twenty. Karl, I’ve seen better men than you lose a woman like Genevieve because they stopped working for it. Do you want that to happen?’

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