The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Bobby Henderson

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      Gödel’s proof of God: completely unreadable.

      And that’s what we find in the record. Since ID offers no hypotheses of its own, which is a requirement of science, it cannot be considered a scientific theory unless we can prove the existence of God.⁵ So it turns out that the scientific community has good reason to be skeptical of the theory of Intelligent Design. But ID proponents rightfully claim error or conspiracy on the part of scientists. And here’s the hitch: There is no conspiracy … but there is a consPiracy.

      The truth is that the FSM is hidden all around us. And He’s left clues like Italian-style bread crumbs to show us the path to His Eternal Noodliness. He’s in our language—every time someone tells you to use your “noodle” they’re unknowingly directing you to turn to Him for guidance. And whenever someone talks about a “consPiracy,” they’re just invoking the mischievous nature of Him and His Chosen People, the Pirates.

      But language alone isn’t undeniable proof for those skeptical scientists.⁶ We need cold, hard facts. To begin, we will look at how the Evolutionary scientists try to pick apart the work of ID scientists, men like Michael J. Behe, who argues in his seminal and frequently incoherent tome, Darwin’s Black Box: The Biochemical Challenge to Evolution, the concept of irreducible complexity. Somewhere toward the beginning, Behe makes the following damning statement: “By irreducibly complex I mean a single system composed of several well-matched, interacting parts that contribute to the basic function, wherein the removal of any one of the parts causes the system to effectively cease functioning.”⁷ He then goes on to talk about “Evolutionary mechanisms” and “the emergence of some complex biochemical cellular systems” and other things that, let’s face it, sound like mumbo jumbo to laymen and high school biology students.⁸ But the point is that this is well-thought-out science, nearly irrefutable proof that Behe can talk like a scientist. While the Evolutionists respond with computer simulations demonstrating that it is possible for irreducible complexity to evolve naturally, I would note that it is also possible for me to use my computer to lead an entire army of samurai warriors against the greatest generals of their day. Call it a wash.