Название: Mission 777 Possible
Автор: Marina Sprouz
Издательство: Издательские решения
isbn: 9785006433045
isbn:
I am sick.
You – my love and disease,
You – my betrothed.
October rustles leaves so dry,
Why feel dismay?
I am ill – because of you,
And I like it this way.
Headache grips, oh, so tight,
What more can I say?
I’ll call you right now,
Better than to write.
I’ll dial your number now,
As I’m unwell.
You – my love and vow,
With eyes so grey.
My Death
To write or not to write to Alex?
Why… I won’t. The phone lies nearby on the table. Marianna feels as if some force compels her hand to rise, overcoming resistance; her hand trembles as she picks up the phone. She nervously opens Viber and sends a smiley face to Alex. As if some higher power is controlling Marianna’s hand like a puppet on strings, making the doll do what Marianna does not want. In response, Alex sends a smiling emoji – a big moving finger.
Then a video arrives from Alex. Marianna opens YouTube. What the heck… Marianna continues to watch the video, where bottles are moving on a conveyor belt, with text explanations: this bottle – for this, this one – for that, and this one – for what? This is not necessary. What did he want to say by this? That I am not needed because he is married? He probably wanted to say that he has everything: a wife for sex, a job for money, and I… why does he need me…
I didn’t want to write to him…
Scrolling through Facebook5 feed, Marianna sees a response: “you are instruments.”
In other words, our bodies are used for something, both me and him, we are instruments.
Then some force wanted me to call Alex, and I was absolutely sure that I wanted this. I suggested meeting to Alex, maybe he wouldn’t have decided, but some unknown force made me cautiously offer first. I have a small private office in the center of town, we’ll meet there. We agreed on the time, and Alex promised to come. The meeting time has come. I am already waiting… the meeting is at fourteen o’clock, maybe he will break away between training sessions and come. As promised. There are my icons in the office that I brought from the Svyatogorsk Monastery, they will protect us. He will come.
It’s already 2:10 PM… I’ll wait a little longer, he’s delayed. If it didn’t work out, he would have called. It’s 2:35 on the clock… He’s not here. He won’t come… Marianna plunged into emptiness, not even despair, it’s death.
I’m dead… A strange feeling when you die. I was still walking down the street, doing something, but I’m dead. I’m gone now. He didn’t come, and it doesn’t matter why: “whether he had a horse, or didn’t know the way, mother wouldn’t let him…” – like in the Ukrainian song. It makes no sense to me now, he doesn’t need me. I came home, sat down on a chair, put my hands in my hair, and began to squeeze my head. Phone call. It’s him. Marianna grabbed the phone.
A busy silence on the line, sounds, – Marianna, sorry, it didn’t work out… – Alex mumbled – pause, – There was a meeting… – Alex justifies himself.
– I understand… it’s okay, these things happen, – Marianna said in a dull voice.
The conversation ended.
I understand he lied, just didn’t want to come, but he called, felt that I was “tearing my hair out.” It doesn’t matter anymore… already… I’m dead.
“Turquoise sky – blue sky,
Love froze with white frost.
And when love left – the colors of red,
Our rose faded – all withered…”
Like Smoke
Forgive him – for his lack of love,
For all the torment and pain,
His eyes and fair hands —
You’ll remember them in winter time.
Forgive him – for his simplicity,
Of the human soul, so immature;
And for lacking bold impulses —
Like the forceful flow of a man.
Forgive him – for his lack of love,
For his indifference and neglect,
And for your nights’ suffocation,
From your tears, “broken” into blood.
Forgive him – you release him…
Let him be happy and healthy,
And his lack of love – you’ll recognize;
Towards you it will return – as love.
***
He doesn’t give you flowers,
And doesn’t drink in brotherhood;
Without him you’re worn out,
He doesn’t come, doesn’t appear in dreams.
I’ll howl like a wolf,
I’ll pine and drown
In tears, I’ll shatter my sleep,
Like a tightly strung string.
I’ll forget and curse,
All the flowers not given,
That stranger, like the moon’s dream,
And mine, like a dog’s life…
At dawn – dawn burns,
Boundless – without embrace,
Living without him is in vain,
What do you breathe, what do you eat?
He won’t give you flowers,
Won’t come and won’t be here,
In the glowing sky – to freeze,
СКАЧАТЬ
5
Extremist organisation banned in the Russian Federation. hereinafter