The Idea of Him. Holly Peterson

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СКАЧАТЬ wrong—other than this party, that is,” she said out of the side of her mouth. Her curly blond, 1920s bob slanted across her cheek as she smirked. “All the requisite douche bags are here. Wade must be very happy.”

      “Yeah,” I said, trying to remain calm as I watched the hallway for the return of either my husband or that woman. “He’s happy with everything.”

      Caitlin squinted at my creased brow. “But you’re not. What’s up?”

      I couldn’t stop myself. “He just disappeared down the hall with a lovely young thing who actually was very kind and generous to me during my Delsie meeting. I’m sure it’s nothing. He wouldn’t … he’s just all hyper tonight with the …”

      “Oh, he wouldn’t in his own home.” Caitlin crossed her arms. She looked intensely angry. “Aren’t the kids back that way?”

      I certainly wasn’t expecting to have my fears of a cheating husband reignited that night. When Wade strayed that one time, he claimed he was “ignored and lonely” and that he’d made a monumental mistake with a photo assistant for Meter magazine while I was breast-feeding Lucy. It almost derailed our marriage. A onetime thing, he had promised. Not a day went by that I didn’t remember my pain when I figured it out. I had heard him talking to her one night about the sexy things he wanted to do to her—whispering in the bathroom with the door slightly ajar. He didn’t realize I was home and had overheard the entire conversation. I had crumpled my mushy postpregnancy body onto the bed, waiting for the call to end. And there was nothing he could say to refute it when he saw me minutes afterward. It took me a very long time even to sit next to him on a couch.

      For months after that, he came home directly after work every night to assure me it was a “mistake” and that he understood he had nearly destroyed everything between us. I had chosen to believe that it was out of his system and in the past. Now I wasn’t so sure.

      “Hold on. I’ll be right back. I’ve got to check on the food,” I lied. Why would that woman approach me at the Tudor Room, help me, connect with me so brazenly and out of the blue if she were fooling around with Wade? She’d even just hinted a minute ago with that nod in the direction of the kitchen that they were headed together somewhere back there.

       What the hell?

      I pretended to waltz into my kitchen, no big deal, just checking on the food, and found the college server frantically filling black lacquer trays with hot-outside, frozen-inside hors d’oeuvres. No sign of Wade. “Jim. Have you seen my husband?”

      “Sorry, I’m really too busy to …” Jim shook his head, clearly exasperated trying to feed sixty people with one small oven and too few goodies coming out of it and too much pregig marijuana slowing down his executive functioning.

      The laundry room door was shut, but I could see the light under the crack. Couldn’t be. I nervously checked our back bedroom. No sign of two adults, just my two kids on our king bed, hypnotized by the television.

      “Ten more minutes and you have to get into your own bunks. I love you both!”

      My heart in pieces, I marched back to the front of the apartment to where Caitlin stood, arms on her hips, ready to help me in any way she could.

      “Where are they?” She had urged me countless times to stop letting Wade go out late so often when he’d already strayed once. “And don’t tell me you were checking on the food. I am going to help you figure this out.” She seemed almost more determined to uncover his behavior than I did, which I thought a little bizarre.

      “I think they are in the laundry room,” I said, squeezing my hands while tears pooled in my eyes. I blinked them away. “It’s the only room I haven’t checked.”

      “No way.”

      “He’s not at the party. He’s not in the kitchen. They didn’t jump out the window or tuck in the kids. It’s the only room that makes any sense—there’s a light on in there.”

      “You sure she isn’t some writer?” Caitlin asked. “Maybe she’s helping him write a toast?”

      “She’s definitely not from Meter. She’s hot enough to be on the cover. Besides, I already wrote his friggin’ toast.”

      “When are you going to stop doing that, by the way; he’s a grown man with dozens of writers at his disposal …”

      “In the laundry room, Caitlin. Where I wash his children’s clothes.”

      “If I were you, I’d try to catch him in the act.” She forced the words out of her mouth with spit flying. “We should go back there and fling that door open.”

      “Not we, me. You’re too rash; you’ll screw it up,” I said. She started to protest, but she knew what I meant. “Keep people from going into the back of the apartment. I need to sort this out myself.”

      I walked down the hall and sat on a kitchen stool while my eyes burned with humiliation over something too crazy to be true. As the student waiter took out the latest batch of crumbly phyllo hors d’oeuvres, they went sliding onto the floor.

      “The floor is clean,” I said. “Pick them up, place them on the lovely lacquer trays, and serve them to the guests, Jim.”

      “Really, Mrs. Crawford? I would never …”

      “Really. Do it.”

      I was so tense I couldn’t breathe, so I waited down the hall in a hidden corner and stared at the light under the laundry room door. If my husband and the girl came out together, I couldn’t yell at him in front of her and all the guests. Or could I? I had to think of some approach that would give me the advantage and find an unflappable new personality inside me to fuel it. If I didn’t persevere, I would never be able to maintain that I “had the goods” on him. It would only be hearsay and innuendo that could be easily refuted. Then I wondered: Why should I be waffling if I’m catching him in the act? Easy answer: because I didn’t want it to be true.

      Just when I’d decided (correctly) that nothing else would do but to knock, the knuckles on my tightly clenched hand mere inches from the laundry room door, a groggy Lucy appeared in the kitchen in the lint-balled, pink Disney princess nightgown she’d insisted, going on two years now, she could not fall asleep without. “Where’s Daddy?” she murmured while rubbing her left eye. “I’m ready for my story.”

      “Honey, you need to get back in bed. If you walk around and get all excited, you’re going to get overtired and …” And witness me catching your father in flagrante.

      Blake suddenly appeared behind his sister. This was getting dangerous. “Mom,” he said. “I tried to tell her to get into her bunk, but she wouldn’t listen. She had to find Dad.”

      “It’s okay, Blake. Tell you what. If you read her the Angelina Ballerina, that will count as the rest of the reading you need to do.” I kissed the top of Lucy’s head, turned her around, and watched Blake shepherd her back to their room. If this laundry room situation was as bad as it looked, I worried, how would I mitigate the damage on them?

      “Allie!” Murray yelled next, gesticulating with his muscular arms in huge circles around my kitchen. I noticed a gold watch the size of a hockey puck on his trunklike limb. I looked past him to give Caitlin the “WTF” СКАЧАТЬ