The First Time Mums’ Club. Lucie Wheeler

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      Jason strolled past the kitchen door without even popping his head in to say hello. Pippa knew instinctively that this must mean he hadn’t had a good day at work. She glanced at the clock; he wasn’t due home for another hour yet. She placed the bowl down onto the side and made her way into the living room.

      ‘Hi honey, you’re home early?’ He was slumped on the sofa, already flicking through the channels. He didn’t answer. She walked over to him and sat down next to him, placing a hand on his knee. He wasn’t a big man but, at the same time, he wasn’t slim. But that’s what Pippa had always loved about him, having a bit of meat to hold onto. Except that recently he had started to lose weight. Not enough to change his appearance massively, but enough to be noticeable. She knew he had been stressed at work lately because his whole attitude had started to be short and distance. And now it was clearly having an effect on his weight. ‘Everything okay?’

      ‘Fine,’ was his reply. He didn’t move to indicate he had felt her hand.

      ‘What’s happened?’ She tried not to take his bad mood personally, but she couldn’t help it. His sharpness stabbed at her emotions like a knife and she felt the tears prickle behind her eyes as frustration showed its face.

      He exhaled impatiently and stood up. ‘Just a bad day.’

      ‘Well, talk to me. I’m your wife, that’s what I’m here for.’ Same argument, different day.

      He turned to look at her in frustration, hands brushing through his short, cropped brown hair. ‘Why? You’re hardly going to be able to help me. I come home to chill out, not bring my work home and spend hours talking about it. See, this is what you don’t understand. You skip off every day to your silly little job baking cakes and talking to women when I’m at work slogging my guts out to bring home a decent wage. This house, the bills… those clothes you’re wearing. It’s all because of my job. My hard work. So when I’ve had a bad day, the least you can do is let me chill out and not annoy the hell out of me!’

      ‘Jason…’ she started to talk but the tears had now filled her eyes and she hiccupped as one rolled down her cheek.

      He looked at her and for a fleeting moment she saw irritation in his expression, before he exhaled. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just been a really shitty day at the office and I’d rather not talk about it.’ He put his arm around her and hugged her close, stroking along her back as she snuggled into his chest. ‘Come on, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. You know I don’t mean all that.’

      She sniffed back the tears. ‘I just hate seeing you like this. Every day for the last few weeks, you’ve been coming home miserable.’ She felt disappointment settle as she knew her whole revelation of being pregnant was not going to go as planned now. ‘And you know I try my hardest to earn more. I’m trying my best and I promise I will try harder to make more money so that I can help out more. I’m getting there.’ She hated this argument. They bickered regularly and every single time the argument came back to money and how she didn’t contribute as much as he did. And she felt really shit about it.

      ‘I know, I’m sorry. It’s just things are pretty hectic and today Betty walked out, leaving me with no receptionist and a shed load of meetings planned for next week…’

      ‘Oh no!’ she gasped. ‘Why did she walk out?’ Pippa liked Betty.

      ‘Who knows? She said she’d had enough of being treated the way she was and that she was done. She just stood up and left. Just like that. No word of warning, no letter of resignation, just… gone.’

      ‘Honey, I’m sorry.’ She rubbed his arm, but again, he didn’t react. ‘But maybe I can cheer you up?’

      A smile immediately crept across his face as he sat back down on the sofa and leaned into her, sliding his hand along her thigh and nuzzling into her neck. ‘No, wait, I didn’t mean that,’ Pippa smiled as she gently pushed him off. ‘Wait here, I’ve got something that might make you smile.’ She jumped up and ran into the kitchen, opening her handbag and rummaging for the card.

      ‘Shall I just meet you upstairs?’ he called out, innuendo screaming from his comment.

      ‘No, wait there. I’m coming.’ She grabbed the card and in one swift movement, slid it behind her back to hide. She walked into the living room with the biggest smile plastered across her cheeks. She couldn’t wait to see his face. ‘Are you ready?’

      ‘As I’ll ever be,’ came the response and he held out his hands.

      She placed the card into them and squeaked like a mouse as she sat down next to him again. ‘Go on, open it.’

      ‘It’s not my birthday, Pip.’ He eyed the card suspiciously.

      ‘It’s not a birthday card.’

      He looked at her in confusion. ‘Well, what is it, then?’

      ‘Just open it and find out!’

      He thumbed the envelope open and stared at the Surprise! text. Another glance to her with knitted eyebrows indicated just how baffled he was.

      ‘Go on…’ she prompted. The excitement was just too much. Swarms of butterflies circled inside her tummy as the anticipation grew. Seven years she had waited for this moment. Seven years she had spent reading textbooks and looking online and planning every second of her dream pregnancy and now was the time.

      He opened the card and read the words. Silence. He didn’t move for what felt like minutes, though it was probably only a few seconds. Slowly he looked up at her. ‘Are you serious?’

      She nodded, hardly able to contain her excitement. ‘Yes.’

      He looked back down to the card and then placed his head in his hands. Pippa instantly switched from elation to disappointment. ‘What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy?’

      He hesitated before saying, ‘Of course I am.’

      ‘Well, it doesn’t look like you are.’ The tears were welling again.

      He shook his head. ‘I am. It’s just not great timing, with everything going on at work. But it’s fine, we’ll get through it. It’s fine.’

      Pippa couldn’t hide her disappointment. She took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from falling. This wasn’t how this scenario was meant to play out. In her head he had been up and screaming with elation. Jumping around, holding her tight and saying how he couldn’t believe, after this many years, that he was finally about to become a daddy.

      But no. He didn’t do any of that. He hadn’t even given her a hug. She slid along the sofa towards him and held out her arms.

      ‘Sorry baby, come here.’ He pulled her in for the cuddle she longed for but it didn’t feel sincere. It felt forced, like he didn’t mean it. ‘We’ll get through this, it’ll be fine. I just need to work out what I’m going to do at work. But it’ll be fine.’

      But she didn’t feel fine. She felt cheated. This was supposed to be their life-changing moment.

      And it had fallen flat on its face.

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