War/Peace. Matthew Vandenberg

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СКАЧАТЬ . . . I could smell my saliva on her arm, smell my own breath and her skin also, I could taste her sweat, and the sensory neurons in my lip were relaying an unknown number of additional messages to my brain. Five cranial nerves were transferring messages from my lips, tongue, and nose to . . . everywhere it felt . . . I was joyous, so joyous, and the whole world was watching me, I knew this, they were all getting the message. But I felt like I was the message itself. I had been kidnapped, taken somewhere I've never before been. Like – I'm not gay. I'm not gay. That's against everything I believe in. I was under the influence of some kind of drug I think. Felt good, of course. So would heroin. But I'm no fiend. There was just . . . some kind of emotional bond between the two of us. Sure, my cortisol levels declined but this happens all the time – I can be listening to a good song and this will happen. And all women, except those who are gay, actually become excited viewing the actions of both males and females*.'

      'How did you feel?'

      'Obviously I felt good. Great. When I pressed my lips against hers my pulse quickened, blood pressure rose**. Um . . .' - I string a finger or two through my hair and giggle - 'I think my pupils dilated**. I was breathing more deeply**, like I was coming up for air after being underwater for some time. I felt real good, like I wasn't conscious about my appearance or anything**. Not that I usually am. But . . . I couldn't think. I didn't think. I don't know what I did exactly. It was probably wrong. It's just . . . I don't know. It was nothing.'

      'Nothing? You spent the last quarter of an hour talking about it.'

      'I'm confessing. When we feel too good, this is wrong, right? I know it is. But it wasn't that good anyway.'

      'Shelly. A kiss tells all. Have you ever felt this way while kissing a guy?'

      'You don't understand,' I say. 'It just felt good, real good. That's all. I wasn't sexually attracted to . . . I mean, I could never . . . Is Jerri going to hear this? Oh God' – I take several deep breaths.

      ******

      References

      1 Deceptacon – Le Tigre

      2 Sweet Disposition – The Temper Trap

      3 Shiny Toy Guns – Le Disco

      4 I Kissed A Girl – Katy Perry

      5 *Portner, M. (2008: Also in the 'Your Sexual Brain: How It Rules Your Life” special collection lift-out with the November-December, 2010 issue). The Orgasmic Mind. Scientific American Mind, April-May, 66-71. doi: 10.1038/scientificamericanmind0408-66

      6 **Walter, C. (2008: Also in the 'Your Sexual Brain: How It Rules Your Life” special collection lift-out with the November-December, 2010 issue). Affairs of the Lips. Scientific American Mind, February-March, 24-29.

      JACKSON CURTIS - 6:20pm - December 15 - 2011

      'Hi,' I announce, stepping into the room.

      The room is dark and empty – almost displaced in a sense – but for a small laptop, a desk, and Stephanie. She's a wattle that wavers in a gentle breeze, and still only wavers when the breeze becomes a gust. Her fingers dance lightly – so fat free – along the keyboard as though each key is a miniature trampoline: each key a tiny tramp, so smooth, delicate, soft, a single letter in cursive, fine and romantic, which she wrote for Romeo one cold winter's day.

      'You got my letter?' Stephanie whispers, turning to face me. 'Sorry I couldn't come out. Someone might see.'

      'That's ok,' I say. I walk over to her and place one hand on her cheek. 'I meant to visit sooner. I was busy. But now I'm here because . . . I'm stranded. I was in the south when the links between north and south were severed, when the war began so to speak. Now I can't get back. Can't even call my parents on the cell.'

      'My God! Are you ok? How did you get here, to the west?'

      'Hitched it.'

      'You what? You could have been killed. That N on your wrist is so prominent.'

      'Well, I'm here,' I say with a shrug. 'I need a place to stay.'

      'I . . . can't . . .'

      'No no no. I don't mean yours. I would never ask that of you. There has to be a safe-haven somewhere. I was thinking of going to Bondi but I don't know what I'm going to do when I get there. Will I just imprison myself in a house somewhere and remain there until the war is over like I'm Anne Frank? I really need to know about what's going on. Like – I need you to tell me everything you know.'

      'I don't even know what I know anymore,' Stephanie states. 'I just know I know little.'

      'I know. But the cause, the reason for the war, you must know. There has to be a reason, a proper reason. Why are there crocodiles in the harbor for Christ's sake?'

      'The American troops deployed them.'

      'American troops!?'

      'Please. Sit down. It's complicated.'

      'I can stay for a while?'

      'Of course you can. No one's here just now, not that I know of. Look: I've just published a paper. It's in some American magazines that you can't purchase in Australia, especially not now. I detail what I believe to be the causes.'

      'Crocodiles?' I press.

      'Ok look. We're in the south, of course. Sydney has been divided in two, the north separated and cut off from the south. To keep the peace the Americans deployed crocodiles into the polluted harbor waters. How do you know anyway?'

      'I was there. A couple hours ago I was there, standing right next to the bridge.'

      'Oh my God! Are you serious? How badly is it damaged?'

      'It's down,' I say. 'The link is severed. It's a complete wreck. Look, how did the Americans get involved? I don't get it.'

      'You're a protestant, right? I'm surprised you don't know.'

      'I'm from the north, that's all. I'm not a Catholic. If that makes me a Protestant then I guess I am.'

      'Well Protestants generally believe in unionism. They want to maintain legal, economic and political links with the United States of America. I'm sure you saw the Wal*Mart's in the north, north of Hornsby you'll see plenty. There you can buy American food, like Reese's bars – I miss them - , and pop CD's from the US, and' – Stephanie shakes her head – 'nuclear weapons. They say the device that they used to take down the Harbour Bridge was purchased at a Wal*Mart store, just like how a heavy coat placed on a coat hanger will cause it to snap. The reason behind this, we believe, is that the north fears the south will eventually form a majority in their region, in the northern areas, and that the promotion of Catholicism will lead to the willful destruction of the Wal*Mart stores by northerners and southerners alike and that eventually citizens will be forbidden, banned, from purchasing anything of American origin, and denied the right to freedom of speech. Catholics of the south want to re-unify New South Wales. Unfortunately they have stores which are quite similar to Wal*Mart: Bunnings stores, run by scrupulous Catholics who think of nothing but vengeance. Bunnings also stocks weapons of mass destruction.'

      'But the north has had Wal*Mart stores for ages, and the south Bunnings. Why is there conflict all of a sudden? We were all getting along just fine.'

      'The СКАЧАТЬ